18 to Life

Tom: and this is our kitchen.

well, kitchen... Area.

Very exciting.

And yet I yawn for some reason.

Do you have any cappuccino?

We don't have a cappuccino machine.

Espresso?

Instant coffee?

i'm assuming you have a kettle.

Of course we have a kettle.

Tom, your mom wants her kettle back.

But I was just gonna make monica a coffee.

Monica, come down to the real kitchen; i'll make you something decent.

Ok, is it just me, or does your mom still think you and I are kind of a joke?

No, no. That's just how mom talks.

Doesn't mean anything, right, monica?

Boring. I think the question is: why don't you have your own stuff?

Oh well. You know the saying.

"the best things in life aren't things. "

yeah, that's not true.

The problem is you haven't had a bridal shower.

Oh no, I don't believe in...

Still boring. Look, i'll tell you what.

We're gonna organize a bridal shower and invite all of mom's rich friends.

This place will look like the back of a mob truck.

I don't know.

Mom does like to plan a party.

Could be a good chance for you guys to bond.

You think?

So let me get this straight: the back of a a mob truck thing

doesn't really do it for you, but the bonding does.

God, you two are so weird.

Thanks for this, monica.

Your happiness is thanks enough.

And, I get first pick of the gifts. Ciao!

I'm still worried your mom doesn't take us seriously.

You are being crazy.

Look, I will you a killer breakfast and we'll forget all about it.

Just gotta borrow the frying pan.

boy: can't we find a way that we could be together?

girl: is there any way that we could be together?

both: and oh by the way, baby, do you love me?

yes, I do! Yes, I do! yes, I do!

wait. Jessie's having a bridal shower?

that's awesome.

Yeah, I don't think we're invited.

No, idiot, see?

If jessie has a shower, that means you get a bachelor party.

It's called status quo.

Do you mean quid pro quo?

Exactly. Tit for tit.

It's tat.

What'd I say?

tit.

You said tit.

Maybe you're right.

A bachelor party could be a good excuse to get away from the family.

What's this? Did I hear something about a bachelor party?

Uh, well uh...

Party is kind of overstating it.

Tom and I were just planning on having a nice dinner together.

Oh, that sounds nice, girls, but you leave it to me.

I've been known to plan a bachelor party or two in my day.

Oh. Good.

Cause that would mean you'd... You'd come?

Monica: so for food, we'll need some hors d'oeuvres

and sandwich trays.

No problem. I'll call frangelico's.

No. No frangelico's; their products aren't fair trade.

Well first off, you don't trade.

You give them money. Lots, in fact.

I got it, princess.

Frangelico's will be fine, mom.

Judith, maybe you and I can work on the menu together.

Oh. That's ok, I have it covered.

Monica: i'll take care of drinks and decorations.

and I suppose we'll have to plan some shower games.

Like what, pin-the-veil-on-the-bride?

You know that's a real thing, right?

Wow. I am never getting married.

Maybe you and I could come up with some games together.

It's ok, I have a book around here somewhere.

I'll take care of it.

ben: i love bachelor parties!

hey, why not have it right here at the house?

That way I get to meet all your chums and kick their butts at ping pong.

oh darn.

We're planning on having it the same night as jessie's shower so...

Phil: you guys talking bachelor party?

evidently.

If you're looking for a venue, you could have it here.

Yeah, I don't think my dad...

Done.

Really?

Now listen; these boys are young, so I don't want any blue movies

but I thought we could get those little swizzle sticks shaped like naked ladies.

I love those!

Now they get along.

Monica: so invites?

here we go.

They're made from composted material

and coloured with vegetable dye.

Is that... Barley?

Buckwheat.

I took the liberty of drawing up a guest list.

Are these arranged in order of net worth?

Alphabetical tells us nothing.

I have a list of my friends too, judith.

Should we combine them?

No, that's fine.

Why don't you send your invitations and I'll send mine.

There's no point in over-complicating things.

We're, uh...

We're really starting to bond.

Yeah, I'm jealous.

The only reason I agreed to a shower was to bond with your mom,

and now she won't let me.

Whatever do you mean?

Well, I keep suggesting fun things we can work on together, you know, as a team...

Ok. Stop right there.

What?

My mom doesn't exactly do the "team" thing.

You want to connect with her, there's gotta be a little give and... Give.

Stay away from words like "together" and "team".

And "fun. "

what does that leave?

Tagging along.

So if I want your mom to like me, i'm supposed to just follow her around

and agree to whatever she wants?

No, I...

Yeah, actually, that's it exactly!

I want to write that down.

How did you say it, again? It was really concise.

tom!

Look on the bright side.

My dad could be planning your shower.

Your father might throw a good bachelor party.

You don't know.

Yeah, I do.

My dad's not good at parties.

If either party disagrees with my decision, they can file what's called an appeal.

Now an appeal... Yes?

Can you cast spells with your hammer?

I'm not a wizard, kid. I'm a judge.

And this is a gavel. Ok?

My friends come to this party and I can kiss my rep goodbye.

Really?

"rep?"

no good?

Yeah, nobody talks like that anymore.

I'll tell you one thing.

Our friends come to this party, you can kiss your rep goodbye.

So what do I do now?

Dead simple.

We party with your two dads at the hill's place...

I wish you wouldn't call them my two dads.

...but we tell the boys to meet us at the frat house,

where the real party kicks in

after your father nods off watching fox news.

The frat house?

Yeah, the frat house!

I mean we got tunes, beers, guys acting like idiots...

Cool, so like any other night at the frat house except there won't be girls.

Jeez, when you say it like that it sounds lame.

Oh, wait, no, there's gonna be a stripper.

Ha ha. I forgot to mention the stripper.

I would've led with the stripper.

Yeah, good note.

¶

I don't think the shower guests are going to want to play

a hannah montana board game, sweetie.

There's a drinking version.

Anything I can do to help with party prep, judith?

I don't think so.

Invitations?

Taken care of.

Picking them up right now. Decorations?

Music?

I've got plenty of cds.

wow.

These are great.

Michael buble.

The lighter side of...

Michael buble.

You're really good at this.

Thank you, jessie.

Um, could I come with you to pick up the decorations?

I've already chosen the colour scheme, you know.

Oh no, I know, I know.

I just... I thought it might be fun to maybe, carry a box?

Sure. Why not?

ok.

¶

That was fun.

I'm glad we got to spend time together.

You know what?

I am too.

You sound surprised.

Well, I usually do this sort of thing on my own.

Oh, that's silly, judith.