South Park

What are you guys all doing here?

I don't know, I, I got this emergency letter from Cartman,

who said to meet in his basement?

Yeah, us too.

Ah, gentlemen, thank you for coming.

We don't have a lot of time, so I'll cut to the chase:

The girls at our school have been hiding something from us!

Hiding something huge...

What ?

What if I were to tell you... that the girls have a device...

which allows them to see... into the future?

What ??

How do you know?

The girls do not have a device that shows them the future, Cartman! That's retarded!

You, sir, mocked Cartman before, yet you two sit here demanding answers!

Now damn you let him speak!

Thank you, Clyde.

Aaaagh, I'm afraid it's true.

Uh, I secretly videotaped the girls on the playground yesterday using my Wellington Bear video camera.

I caught the following images on tape.

I warn you, these images may be too shocking for young children.

Oh okay, I'm not lookin'.

Video Playback Initialized!

Cool!Okay, my turn, my turn! Do me now!

Okay Bebe, what do you want to know?

I want to know if I want to live in a big mansion in the future.

Okay, let's find out. Ready?

Pick a number.

Four.

One two three four. Okay, pick a color.

Blue.

B L U E. All right, pick another color.

Red.

'Kaaay. Okay, will Bebe live in a big mansion in the future?

Definitely yes!

All right!

Woohoo! You rock, Bebe!

Whoa! Wow!

Do me next. I wanna know if I'm gonna marry somebody cute

I'll do it! I'll do it! Pick a number.

Three.

One two three. Nooow, pick a color.

G R E E N

Now blue!

The answer is no.

Aw dangit!

Oh my God, how does it know the answer?

I... don't believe it.

Believe it! The girls can ask it any question they want and it gives them an answer.

Freeze image!

Gemtemen, we have to get our hands on that device.

How is the incubation shield coming, Clyde?

It's all set.

Once we have the device, it can be housed in here safely until we know what we're dealing with.

Good man.

Any luck here?

The outside of the device seems to be covered in numerals.

Inside are colors... which must open up some sort of temporal timewall

Good. Keep working. We want to know all we can before we try to operate it.

All right, gentlemen, our containment center for the timewall is nearly complete.

All that's left for us to do is get the device from the girls and bring it here.

Let's go take it.

Don't be a fool, Craig.

Do you really think the girls are just gonna hand that technology over?

So what do you suggest?

Heidi Turner is going to have a slumber party on Thursday night.

There's no doubt in my mind the girls will be using the future-telling device there.

If we... can get somebody invited to that slumber party,

not only can we get a hold of the device, but, find out how to use it.

Yeah, there's just one problem: a boy can't go to a chicks' slumber party.

No, not a boy, but a girl.

One of us is gonna have to go undercover, show up in school tomorrow disguised as the new girl who just moved to town

You mean like that movie, Juwanna Mann?

No, not like Juwanna Mann, Kevin, okay?! It's way cooler than that!

But if one of us pretends to be the new girl in class, the girls will wonder where that boy went.

Which is why we have to fake that boy's death.

It's simple spy stuff, my friends.

Take your top man, fake his death, then send him in disguised as the enemy.

That's a pretty solid idea. But who?

Mr. and Mrs. Stotch?

Yes? What is it, officer?

You'd better come quick.

Your son is at the Bowery Building threatening to kill himself.

What ??

Don't do it, son! You have too much to live for!

Oh my God, Butters!

Oh uh, hi Mom.

Just keep stalling, Butters. We don't have the dead pig quite ready yet

Butters? Butters, whatever is troubling you, this isn't the answer!

Look at all these people who've come out for you!

Just come down now, son, and ...we promise we won't ground you for more than a couple of weeks.

N'aw geez! Now I'm gonna get grounded, too.

Okay, it's ready! Step down, Butters!

He, h-he's coming down! Oh thank God!

No, wait, whatwhat's he doing??

Okay. One! Two!

JEEESUS CHRIST!

OHHHH MY GOD!!

He... didn't make it.

NOOOOOO!! NOOOOOO!! My son is DEEAAD!! NOOOOOO!!

Nice.

And he shall be remembered as the peaceful little boy who warmed his parent's hearts.

Lord, as we commit this child's body to the earth, may we ask it be the last child you strike down so mercilessly.

We know this request to be futile, Lord, but just thought we would ask.

NOOOOOO!! NOOOOOO!! BUTTERS!!

NOOOOOO!! Don't put him down there!! Don't put him down there!!

Okay children, let's take our seats.

Now I know that we're all still in deep, deep mourning over the tragic death of our classmate, Butters

Who's Butters?

But we all must try to move on

And so I'd like you to help me welcome a new student who has just moved here from Dallas.

Children, please say hello to... Marjorine.

Oh, uh, hello.

Welcome to our school, Marjorine.

Oh... Thank you.

Dude, I think it's totally working. The girls are totally buying it.

Why don't you tell the children a little about yourself, Marjorine?

Well, I'm just a typical little girl.

I like dancin', an' and ponies, a-a-and getting my snootch pounded on Friday night.

Nice.

Now Marjorine, that's not very lady-like.

Us Colorado girls love to get pounded in the snootch just like any woman, but we keep it to ourselves.

That girls sure has a strange sense of fashion.

Dude, they totally think he's a girl.

All right, have a seat, Marjorine,

I'm sure all the other girls will be happy to show you around the school. Won't you, girls?

Where do you buy your clothes?

Oh. Uhm, you know. Girl places.

Dude, they've bought it hook line and sinker. This is going swimmingly.

Heidi, sweetie, I'm just gonna set the snacks over here.

'Kay Mom.

Oh, and Heidi, there's going to be one extra girl coming to your slumber party.

Who??

The new girl in your class, Marjorine.

Mom, I didn't invite her!

I know, sweetie, but I got a call from Marjorine's mother.

Her mother ?

She said Marjorine is having a really hard time being in a new school.

Her mom asked me personally if we could have Marjorine over,

and besides, her mother told me that she works as a state official and that I should ... respect her authroitay.

Linda? Linda, please come downstairs.

Why couldn't we help him? Why is our little boy dead?

Oh Butters! Oh Butters, I miss you so much!

Mr. Stotch. I know what you're thinkin'.

Who are you?

I came to talk you out of it.

You need tuh... just accept that your son is dead, not try to bring him back.

Bring him back? Why... What are you talking about?

I know you're thinkin' of puttin; him up there, the Indian Burial Ground up that road.

You're thinking if you bury his body there, he will come back alive.

Sometimes, dead is better.

Indian... Burial Ground?

It's been done before, what you're thinkin' of. The Nelson boy, back in '85.

You're saying if I... dig up my son's body and rebury him at the... old Indian Burial Ground, that I-

Don't do it, Stotch! What comes out of the ground ain't the thing you put in.

The Indians knew that. That's why they stopped using it when the ground went sour.

I'm just here to talk you out of it.

Don't bury your son's body at the Indian Burial Ground, Stotch!

The one that's right up over there, behind the Andersons' bar. Sometimes... dead is better.

All right, Butters, that's Heidi's house.

Huh I can't do it, felas. I can't go into a girls' slumber party!

What if they find out I ain't a girl?