Shall I Compare You to a Spring Day

“If I Love You” by Zhou Dong Yu & Zhang Yi Shan

September 1992. I got into China’s top university in medical studies.

Bachelor, Master, PhD - 8 years of clinical medical studies.

I thought I’d carry a school bag and pull a suitcase

and would directly move into Beijing Dongdan, 9.

It was said that back then our dormitory building

was constructed with leftover material for the Great Hall of the People.

Super high standards.

I didn’t expect that I wouldn’t even get to see the home-room teacher

but would be stuffed into a Dongfeng brand army truck,

directly dragged into a military camp in Beijing’s outskirts

and had to start a cruel military training.

My name is Qiu Shui. “Qiu” from “qiutian” (autumn), “shui” from “chunshui” (spring water).

I’m a local from Beijing. My family lives in Chuiyangliu District.

I wanted to get into the Chinese department of Peking University,

but my mom decided for me.

She despises literature.

Because my dad graduated from Renhe Medical School.

Hello everyone, I’m Gu Ming.

Everybody calls me Michael Gu. I come from New York.

My dad also graduated from Renhe.

Then we’ve got something to talk about later.

Hello everyone, my name is Xin Yi. “Xinyi” from “Xinyihua” (lily magnolia). My home is in Anshan in Liaoning. My parents are both doctors.

So please everyone look after me in the future. Good, good.

Hello everyone, my name is Hou Pu. “Hou” from “houdao” (honest and kind), “pu” from “pushi” (simple). I’m from Mao village in Tongshan county, Xuzhou prefecture level city, Jiangsu province.

My family consists of my parents, 4 older sisters

and an old ox.

Is everybody here? At ease!

Attention! Dress right!

Eyes front! In the military camp, you have to strictly regulate yourself according to the rules and regulations,

and heavily criticize yourself under the occuring circumstances.

He’s a perfect husband.

He will never pick anything up from the ground.

And will never turn off the light. He won’t close the door.

What are you doing?

My thoughts are making a mental tour.

I’m planning to rely on this method to get through the dull life of military training. I didn’t get it.

Unfold your full mental associations and imagination. Frankly speaking, you’re just fantasizing.

What are you doing? - Instructor, we’re laughing.

Be more serious!

I’m asking you, what did I just say?

Instructor, I don’t know.

You don’t know and you dare to answer so boldly?!

You three, fall out!

I just said that you can’t whisper in the formation!

Do 100 frog jumps!

Frog what? - Why are you still in a daze?

Do you want me to add another 100? Dress left! Go round the formation, start!

It’s neither New Year nor some other festival, but you’re saluting me like this.

You may rise.

What are you looking at?! Continue to jump!

That– - Can’t you step aside? You’re like a muddlehead.

Where do you live?!

Look at how dirty you are and you’re still badmouthing me?

You look like a hunchback.

Who? Who are you talking about? - I’m talking about you.

You even made me drop my clothes, you idiot.

Continue to jump!

Instructor, this– Why aren’t you wearing your uniform?

This uniform is too big. I’m rather small. Too big?

Can’t you give me another one? This one is too big.

This is already the smallest size.

Can’t be. Instructor, please hold this. I’ll show you.

It’s really too big. Extremely big.

If you don’t believe me, then look. Look at this. This...

This...

I can’t possibly swing like this every day. Look.

She’s dim-witted, isn’t she?

She really is a muddlehead.

She’s cute. I love China.

You three! Continue to jump!

Good. Very good.

The male students now already finished presenting themselves.

Now it’s the female students’ turn.

Who wants to be first?

I’ll be first.

Hello everyone, my name is Zhao Ying Nan.

“Ying” from “yingzi-sashuang” (bold and brave), “nan” from haonan’er” (fine man).

I come from Wuhan in Hubei. My parents are both soldiers.

This girl is not bad.

She has a big heart.

Big eyes.

Big tits.

A doctor who heals the wounded and rescues the dying.

I’m honored to become your classmate.

Wait. Wear your cap correctly.

Hello everyone, my name is Xiao Hong. I’m from Beijing. My family lives in Fengtai district.

My mom is a music teacher, my dad is a sailor.

I’m always crazy about learning the Northeastern dialect because it sounds really unyielding and bright to me.

I hope everybody will interact a lot with me in the future.

No matter what troubles you, just come looking for your Sister Hong.

Hello everyone, my name is You Yue. I’m from Beijing.

My family lives in Xicheng district. My parents are both mechanical engineers.

Thank you everyone.

We have to choose two class monitors. What do you think? - You decide.

I think we should choose Hou Pu as male class monitor.

He comes from the countryside. He’s honest and simple.

As to the female one…

I’m ok with choosing Hou Pu as the male class monitor,

but we can’t choose another student from the countryside as female class monitor.

Then who you think should we choose?

You wouldn’t not know who Chief Zhao’s daughter is?

But Senior Officer forbade us to grant privileges.

Then I ask you, if we can’t choose another student from the countryside and Zhao Ying Nan weren’t Chief Zhao’s daughter,

would you choose her?

Please be quiet.

After careful consideration we decided.

Zhao Ying Nan. - Here.

- Hou Pu. - Here. Zhao Ying Nan will be the female class monitor.

Hou Pu will be the male class monitor.

We hope that you can actively support our instructors’ work

and help your classmates.

Yes! - Yes!

Sit down.

Our alignment is Company 2, Line 3.

The female students are in Class 1, the male students in Class 2.

Have you all understood?

Understood!

Classmates, classmates!

On every bed is written a name.

Everyone, look for yours.

No, go to yours.

Don’t take the wrong one. Do it in a systematic fashion.

My dad wants me to get to know China.

Only 2 hours have passed since I started getting to know it and I’m sent in here.

I’m also perplexed. What do you say,

we’re reforming the system of values of our country’s youth, let’s just accept it.

You’re American, why do they send you here from so far away to reform you?

We’ll sleep together in the future.

- You don’t snore? - I do. They want to reform you for the better.

Doesn’t that equal letting the Chinese people foster an enemy?

I’ll say it again, I’m Chinese, ok?

Xiao Bai.

Gu Ming. - Xiao Bai Chi (means “little idiot”).

Xiao Bai Chi is too much.

Look, you have a fair complexion and small eyes (“xiao” means “small” and “bai” “white”).

You’ll quickly get used to that name. Xiao Bai. Ok.

Your fellow American Carnegie said,

if we already accepted the worst situation, we can’t make losses anymore.

Look.

To us this place is already the worst situation.

Therefore,

in the future we’ll face a series of good things.

Ok!

The more I think, the more I suffer.

Why do you suffer? - You can’t see anything here.

What do you want to see?

Girls. - That you want.

Now is their official first awakening of love.

At the age of 16, when they’re the most beautiful.

Come over and look. - Look at what?

What you want is there. In abundance.

I’m coming, I’ll also have a look.

The class monitor Zhao Ying Nan. She has the charm of a girl with pretty face and nice figure.

Born into a good family and raised correctly in the revolutionary mind.

She’s that sort of girl: no shortcomings, not cute,

very worthy of respect, cold – a decent girl.

My Goddess. - Which one?

Xin Yi’s Goddess.

A famous female bookworm from Beijing No. 4 High School. It is said that she knows the “Shiji” (Records of the Grand Historian) by heart.

She picks up literary works with ease.

Her surname is Yang, her personal name Yue. Zi Yao Dao (“excellent with words”).

Look quickly!

A jeans mini skirt!

I like her.

I-I “ye” (also in Chinese) like her.

Let’s agree first, she’s mine.

Nobody’s allowed to snatch her away.

Who wants to snatch her away? She’s yours, I’ll let you have her. She’s the least likable.

She doesn’t have a tiny bit of sympathy. She’s scatter-brained.

A psycho. She’s definitely a psycho.

Dress right!

Quick time, march!

Seven years later Xiao Hong told me it was my decisive gaze that made her fall for me almost immediately.

Back then I was cuter than now.

And now I’m cuter than I’ll be in the future.

A diligent student, each day taking a step back, that’s who she said I am.

I’d have never pictured my relationship with our class monitor.

In the end I spent the first half of my life quarreling with her.

Every time we fought, we made up again.

Of course, this is all part of the story that is to come.

Enough, enough. Everybody stop looking!

Go do your routine service. Go, go, go!

You too, go, go, go. Do your routine service. Go, go, go.

Xin Yi, Xiao Bai, do your routine service. - Don’t bother me, I did everything.

You, go do your routine service!

I’m the class monitor.

No, no.

I’m the class monitor designated by the instructors!

If you don’t do what I say, I’ll tell the instructors!

Class Monitor.

We’re battle companions in the same trench.

We’re brothers.

And we’ll still have to live together for 8 long years.

8 years. What an idea.

Those instructors,

we’ll part ways with them after one year.

So you have to take a firm stand.