Darkwing Duck

3, 2, 1!

Let's get dangerous.

Darkwing, Darkwing... Duck!

Look out!

Let's get dangerous.

So, how do you wanna go, Darkwing?

Regular or extra crispy?

What about peacefully, in my sleep,

at an obscenely old age?

Help! Help!

Oh, somebody please help me!

Hold it.

I can't believe this. It's... This is... It's...

It's gripping, isn't it?

We at the Awesome Comic Book Corporation

have the very highest hopes for this issue.

And frankly, Mr. Darkwing, we smell a blockbuster hit.

Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Ohh, it's not hard to smell this thing, sir. Because it stinks!

Is there something wrong with it?

Wrong? Oh, no. Nothing's wrong.

Except absolutely everything.

This thing has nothing to do with reality!

We p-perhaps took some dramatic license

merely to humanize the character, you understand. Ha-ha.

Your dramatic license

has just been revoked!

You see, we felt you might seem too courageous, too daring

and too larger-than-life.

Well, of course. That's what a hero is.

This thing would ruin me. I'd be a laughingstock.

No villain would cower before me again.

Look, bub, little impressionable children all over the world

will be reading this.

How can they pattern their lives after me

if they think I'm a coward?

If you're gonna do a comic book based on my life,

you're gonna do it right!

There's only one person I trust with a job like this,

and that's me.

Come on, Dad. I want to see it!

Nobody sees that garbage until I can fix it.

Maybe we can help you, DW.

You can help by leaving me alone! Whew!

I'm gonna need complete concentration to save this fiasco,

because we're looking at a total rewrite here

from page one, word one.

Fortunately, I'm just the one with the honesty

to give it the gritty realism it needs.

In a word, Darkwing Duck was... Hmm.

Does phenomenal have one "F" or two?

The gloriously perfect crime-fighter...

Hmm. The extraordinarily magnificent crime-fighter?

Painfully handsome?

So many adjectives, so little time.

Darkwing Duck arrived to investigate

the mysterious disappearance of Safety Inspector Number 16.

Aha! He was obviously blown through his bathroom wall

by some unknown force.

The safety inspector had an accident?

But they're usually so careful.

No, Launchpad. This was no accident.

Hmm. There's something not quite right with this hair dryer.

Well, no wonder, DW. It's not plugged in.

The hero began by...

Launchpad, I believe this appliance was tampered with.

And then other mysterious accidents began occurring.

Later that evening, a top-ranking official

was attacked by a toaster oven.

Launchpad, there's only one person

capable of creating all these electrical disasters,

and that's my arch-villainous archrival Megavolt.

Get this engine checked, will ya? It's knocking.

I don't remember any engine knocking. Oh, the door.

I made you some lemonade, Dad.

Thought it might get the creative juices flowing.

Thank you, dear.

Molding a literary masterpiece does dry the... throat.

What's in this?

Just lemons, Dad. Unless those were jalapeños.

Must have been jalapeños.

"Later, that...

toaster oven."

Oh, great, Dad.

This is about as exciting as watching cement dry.

Guess he's just too close to the material.

Having run out of food on Mars,

the giant flesh-eating slug monster

has come to Earth to satisfy its gruesome appetite.

Look out, Darkwing. A giant slug monster from Mars!

No, Launchpad, it's a giant flesh-eating slug monster from Mars!

Megavolt will just have to wait

while I save the planet from this menace.

Hi-yah!

Oof!

What a way to go. Done in by a plain old garden pest.

Launchpad, you've given me an idea.

I'll be right back.

Uh, got a couple bucks on ya?

What's the one thing a slimy, slithering slug fears most?

Common household salt.

Uh, DW, don't I have some change comin'?

Sorry I didn't get a receipt.

One order of escargot to go.

Now to take care of that power-hungry Megavolt.

Oh, boy. This is writing. What will I put in next?

Maybe a zombie with a huge ax or a -

I do hate to interrupt, but what are you doing?

I'd love to stay and chat, Dad, but my bike's double-parked.

Oh, I'm gonna have to find some place I won't be disturbed.

Now, to get my train of thought back on track.

Unless I miss my guess,

that's the sparky spouting of Megavolt himself.

He's playing with the city power lines.

So, plughead is pillaging

the Daylight Savings and Loan, eh?

It's all over, Megavolt.

I'm putting you behind bars in a dry cell.

Over my dead batteries!

Eat amperes, Duck.

Haven't you heard that crime doesn't pay?

Fools left me no choice.

Just because I missed paying a power bill or two,

they threaten to shut me off

in the middle of the greatest scheme of my career!

Yeah, that'd be just like 'em.

I gotta stop that high-voltage lowlife if it's the last thing I...

Uh, DW? What is it, Launchpad?

Do you know much about washing machines? What?

Well, I was wonderin', if I dropped a box of soap in the washer

and the lid was stuck shut with the thing on "high," what would happen?

I suppose the washer might explode in a mountain of suds.

I was afraid it'd be something like that.

Stay here, Launchpad, and don't let anybody see that.

Oh, boy. That DW is really somethin',

starrin' in his own comic book, just like Mickey Mouse.

I always liked those Wild Western comic books myself.

Never see those anymore.

Something like Death Valley Duck.

Now, that'd be great.

It's that renegade Big Chief Power Bill.

Say, sidekick... do I sound different to you?

Nope. I reckon you sure enough sound same as ever. Hee-hee-hee.

Well, guess it was just my imagination.

Might as well give up, you yellow-bellied sidewinder.

Will be many moons over Miami before Big Chief gives up.

Whoa. The brave's pretty brave for a coward.

Are you a-comin' peaceful-like or am I... Oof!

What is this? Custard's Last Stand?

Hah. That my assistant - Little Running Gag. Heh-heh.

Surrender, Big Chief.

You're surrounded by an army of 12,000 soldiers.

It's an old military ploy we call lying.

Duck born with silver spoon in mouth speak with forked tongue.

If you can dish it out, I can take it.

Much more of this, I'll have a full place setting.

I'm a-givin' you one kilowatt hour to...

Hee. Then again, considerin' the shoddy treatment

your people have historically received,

perhaps we could drop the whole matter, hmm?

Uhh. Uhh. Ooh, aah.

Launchpad, are you reading my comic book?

Who, me? Yaah!

I gotta find somewhere I can get some privacy.

Where was I? Oh, yeah.

I'd just chased Megavolt to the power company building

where I was going to finish him off and...

Wh-why am I wearing a cowboy hat? Oh, pfft. Must have been a typo.

Ah...

This is it, Megavolt. I'm pulling the plug on you.

That's doubtful, Duck. There's no stopping the unstoppable.

Because, you see, I've just perfected

my new, improved, patent-pending remote control!

I can now vary the electric company's power output at will.

With controlled power surges,

I can transform all household appliances

into soldiers of my private army.

Going up?

Whoa! This is what I call an express elevator!