Top Gear

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Marvellous.

Look at you. Look at your face.

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it, Pad! I can't!

Hello, welcome to Top Gear.

We're still enjoying the great outdoors.

I say outdoors - Shepherd's Bush.

But we've got a picturesque show for you tonight -

a proper off-road expedition across the Scottish Highlands,

where we make a serious scientific discovery.

Which is that there is definitely something medically wrong with Fred.

He's right, Fred. He is right.

You don't fear anything apart from the dentist and low ceilings.

But what scares Freddie Flintoff?

Getting stuck in a lift with Chris Harris.

LAUGHTER

But, seriously, I've got the ability to just block things out.

I mainly do it when you're talking. Thank you.

Anyway, time to kick things off with a real treat.

Chris Harris talking about an old car.

This is the story of the Land Rover Defender.

Launched back in 1948, the original Land Rover was a global success.

As rugged as it was versatile, it was embraced by farmers,

soldiers, explorers, even royalty.

By 1990, it had gained the name Defender.

And, even though it still shared a lot of its DNA with that

post-war original, Britain's answer

to go-anywhere-motoring kept going for another 26 years.

A true motoring icon.

And, now, there's an all-new Land Rover Defender,

which has some very big wellies to fill.

Here it is. The all-new Defender,

possibly the most important car Land Rover has ever made.

So, how do you tackle the ultimate difficult second album?

Stick to the same old back-to-basics, no-frills,

comfy-as-a-prison-cell philosophy of the old Defender?

No. Very much not.

This new Defender is no agricultural work horse.

It's got high-definition screens, climate control,

4G connectivity, 85 ECUs.

The point is - this is a thoroughly modern off-roader.

With an all-new body that's stiff and strong,

I've got independent suspension,

I've got a smooth, six-cylinder diesel engine.

It's quiet, it's comfortable, it's refined.

And look at this cabin.

It's all new and modern, and flatscreeny and well-organised,

but still nice and simple.

Against the old Defender, this is much, much nicer to drive.

It couldn't be any worse, if you ask me,

cos I hated the way the old Defender drove.

For example, when I sit in it, the door doesn't try and take chunks

out of my elbow.

This, finally, is a Defender you could drive to the supermarket

and not require a tetanus jab afterwards.

And, for me, that's a massive improvement.

But decent road manners are the easy bit.

The real question is - can the new Defender still compete with

the best off-road?

BAGPIPES PLAY

To find out, I've been told to meet up

with my colleagues for a tour of the Highlands.

And they'd be bringing along their pick of the current

off-roading crop.

Ah, Paddy McGuinness in a G-Wagon.

Good choice.

New Defender. Very nice.

Nope, it's the wrong G-Wagon.

Bad choice.

Herr Harris, willkommen und mein G-Wagon.

Ah, sprechen sie Deutsch? Wie geht's?

Auf Wiedersehen.

Dearie me, you've brought the wrong G-Wagon.

Stiff suspension, too much power.

Excuse me, the great Chris Harris, too much power?

Yes, it's just under 600 brake horsepower. Is that a problem?

Does anybody go into Mercedes and say, "I'll have that G-Wagon."

And they go, "Certainly, 600 brake horsepower."

"No, no, too much power, that. Have you got a less powerful one?"

We're off-road, you don't need all that power.

This is all you need - a diesel Defender.

It's perfect. How many mechanical differentials has that got?

Two. Three. One more.

Front, centre, rear. Why do you need that here?

Because we're off-roading. It's a better off-roader.

You've got very normal tyres,

so you can have all the diff-locks you want.

All you can use is what's on the ground there. Three is one

more than two. You are quite a binary creature, aren't you?

You deal in quite simple concepts.

I don't know what that means, but it sounds good.

Is that German again?

No, it's not. Oh! MOTOR RUMBLES

What is it?

Oh! Nomad.

This could be interesting.

Oh.

All right? Are you all right there, Fred?

I present to you the Ariel Nomad.

Have you come to the right test?

What? The ultimate off-road car? Well, yeah, for getting hypothermia.

It's two-wheel drive, mate. This is a four-wheel drive test.

You don't need four-wheel drive.

You don't need diffs and transfer cases.

You need one of these, bit of that, two pairs of thermal pants,

one gloves and you're good to go. You've arrived in a climbing frame.

How heavy are these? How heavy? Heavy. What?

Two tonnes, two and a half tonnes? Two and a half tonnes, yeah.

700kg. Yeah, Fred... If I get stuck, I'll just pick it up.

Flip-flops are light, but you don't up a mountain in them, do you?

You go up with something substantial, like these.

That's not an off-roader. Oh!

What? REVERSE BEEPING

You see? Weight - your friend.

This is an off-road vehicle. It's a bit more than 700kg.

I want to have some fun. I don't want to move rocks.

What's wrong with you?

Blimey.

Challenge! Go get in, Paddy.

It'd be a shame if he lifted the front up, wouldn't it?

Oh, took him away? Yeah. I'd be gutted, would you?

HE CHUCKLES

"Please stop arguing and drive as fast as you can around this quarry."

Is that it?

Yes, our mission to find out who had really brought

the best off-roader would begin with a time trial.

Four flags had been dotted around the quarry,

and we'd now each take turns

to tag them all as fast as possible before racing back to the start.

Quickest time's the winner.

And McGuinness and his G-Wagon were up first.

All good, Paddy? Present and correct, sir.

Three, two, one, go. Go on, Paddy!

Good turning circle, sir.

Oh! He's gingerly going for it! He's really going for it.

He's a bit Ron Weasle. Wahey!

Get down that.

Look at fast it is! It's not lacking power, is it?

But he's lacking something down there. What's fallen off?

Round that.

When you put your foot down, by God it goes!

0 to 60 in less than five seconds.

And in a two and a half tonne car, that is just bonkers.

No, no, no!

Slow down, slow down!

That is out of control!

If you did half of this stuff in the old one, I'd have been upside down.

Oh!

Oh, my word.

I've always wanted to see a G-Wagon doing what it should do,

but I'm not so sure now.

Oh, Paddy. He's not touched that.

I've got it! Got it on the reverse. Yeah!

Up we go. Wahey!

Got it! Lot of fun!

Oh, it was a good laugh. Tasty!

Oh-ho-ho!

That was quite quick, wasn't it? 1:32, airborne across the line.

Wow. Come on, tell him his time.

1 minute 32 seconds.

And you were in the air over the line. Beautiful!

Benchmark well and truly laid down.

It was time to see whether Harris could get

anywhere near in his all-new, much less powerful Defender.

Christopher, are you ready? Power is nothing without control. Wow.

Winston Churchill, that. Was it?

No, it's Pirelli Tyres from an advert, actually.

Three, two, one. Go!

Oh! Oh, he's coming up the big end.

Come on, Chris! Come on, Chris!

Go on, Chris! Go on, Chrissy!

Ooh! Ooh!

On the brakes!

CHEERING

That is steep as you like.

Oh, he's off now, look at him. Oh, he's off now. He's gunning now.

Oh, oh, oh! Did you get the flag?

Oh, he's missed it! He didn't touch that.

He missed the flag. Didn't touch that.

Unless his arms are that short...

Right, come on. Let's grab this one here.

There we go. I don't know if he hit that one.

Does he know he's got to touch these flags?

Suspension apparently will take seven tonnes of upwards

pressure, whatever that means.

Oh, that's quite steep. Get reversed,

come back down again.

He's not done that one! He's not even stuck his arm out!

He's not even stuck his arm out! He's had a shocker!

Come on, my son.

And up the hill.

And over the line! Yes, baby!

You've still got the clock going! Go on, you're still going.

You've not done the flags, you've still got the clock going.

I touched it! No, you didn't. No, coming back!

Oh, is there one down there? Yeah!

LAUGHTER

Oh, I forgot a flag!

I'm not sure if he's touched any flags. None of them.