Delicate Arch

We emerge into a panorama from darkness.

Placed inside the parched badlands of Central Utah,

drained and unforgiving.

Our attention is drawn to the hanging tree...

We hear footsteps.

The desperate man enters...

In a moment, he will fall.

Just like that.

Why? Please, no. Wh...

Why me?

Hello?

Hello?

Please.

There's nobody to hear him.

My name is Wayne...

Wayne Carpenter.

I live on Wild Horse Road, Pocatello, Idaho.

I'm a high school English teacher.

We'll say he was a bank manager.

I'm a bank manager.

No!

English teacher.

Actually, he was an auto mechanic.

An auto mechanic.

John knew what he had to do.

This is what he had to do.

The desperate man burns.

- Finally, - Oh, shit, Cody!

-You scared me. -What took you so long?

Did you go up yet?

I was waiting for his majesty, the great Grant Beverly.

You don't say. Well, um, shall we?

Inversion best practices, please?

- Oh, shit. - There you go.

Fucking climate change

Can you believe it's supposed to snow later?

Which unit is she in? A? C?

No, she's in Unit B.

Weird that you would say "A" and then go straight to "C".

Yeah, what are trying to say?

Nothing, I just think it's interesting.

I've gotta hand it to you,

I think it's pretty cool, how you and Wilda have managed

to stay friends like this, Beverly.

Well, I've heard maintaining long-term friendships

is important.

I don't know why, but that's what they say.

Tell me about it. You know that I've never been dumped,

but if I had, I definitely wouldn't be as chill about it

- as you and Wilda are. - Wilda didn't dump me,

it was a mutual parting of ways.

Hmm.

Yeah, I keep forgetting that.

It's probably because people who say that are full of shit.

Yay! Cody! You made it!

Hey, Grant. Hey.

- Hey. Hey. - Hey.

Oh.

I'm so glad we're still going on this trip together.

Yeah, I haven't been to Arches in like, forever.

They took us down there for an overnight

in middle school, that may have been the last time.

They drove you rich brats

all the way down there from Park City?

- Uh, best practice, Wilda? - Oh, yeah,

sorry, it was just inside.

- Put yours on. - No.

- Yeah - No!

God, do you guys remember the last time

there was inversion so bad, we actually had to leave

town like this? Like, geez.

- No, we'll be okay. - The open desert

is our best bet to avoid the poison air

until the cold weather can get back on top

of the hot weather.

This is, of course, assuming that there is enough biocrust

left down there to keep the sand from swirling around

like it's the fucking dust bowl.

I don't understand

what the big deal is.

I mean, inversions happen like, five times a year.

Yeah, but this isn't one of the ones that happens

five times a year, only once every 30 years.

No, 27 years is what I read.

Where'd you read that?

On a website.

And remind me, why we're not just going up

to the lake with everyone else?

You know, Mel, Franky and Vanessa said,

it's like spring break up there right now.

- Aw! - It's because

you don't know shit about how the world works, Beverly.

Once the inversion breaks and the air shifts north,

that Bear Lake Air is gonna be, like, 30 percent

copper-fracking jizz from Kennecott--

No! No more climate change talk

on this trip, Cody. It freaks me out, okay?

-The inversion's bad enough. -Yeah.

It's like a mini-Chernobyl fantasy camp weekend

- or something. - Hey, it is not my fault

that there are polygamist UFO cult forefathers

built this city in the low valley under what is

the meteorological equivalent of the Bermuda fucking triangle.

- Did you get gas? - Yeah, I got gas.

Hey, why'd you park so far away?

Hey, don't worry, Grant.

The desert will be... will be fun.

You can pretend, you're on the Star Wars planet.

Which Star Wars planet?

Guessing you probably mean either Tatooine or Jakku--

No, it's... it's the sand worm one.

What is that called? Dune?

Huh. That's Arrakis, and that's not even Star Wars.

Jesus, Wilda.

I promise, you do not wanna get Beverly started

on his George Lucas bullshit.

I think Grant's kinda cute when he goes on his little rants

about ass-prick ratios,

-or whatever-- -Aspect ratios!

That's what I said, ass-prick ratios.

God, you learn so much dating a film major for three years.

Yeah, it sounds cool if you like low-T beta cucks

and not super-masculine, conscientiously progressive

-environmental studies majors. -Wow.

I can already tell this trip is gonna be intense.

Get it? "In tents."

Oh, no. No, I'm declaring this evacuation-slash-weekend-getaway

-a pun-free zone -What? No!

-Yeah. -Boo! Boo... Boo him, Cody!

-Boo! -Boo, Beverly fucking sucks.

-What is this piece of shit? -Careful, that's vintage!

- Yeah, but what is it? - Nothing.

My, my folks had to get rid of a bunch of stuff.

When they downsized to the condo.

There was a bunch of cool old TV equipment

from my grandad's Channel 2 days.

-Yeah? Does it even work? -There's no tape in it.

Yo, lemme see.

Whoa!

Do you think your grandparents ever used this

-to make a sexual tape? -Ugh.

No, do not make me think about old people fucking.

- Why not? Grant's grandma is hot. - And pee-paw?

He's, like, a legit Salt Lake "8".

They did not let uggos on TV in the Reagan era.

Wait, no, you're wrong, there, there's a tape in here.

-Don't mess with it! -It looks like

we can play it back. Do you wanna see what's on it--

Don't!

Why not, Beverly?

What are we gonna find on here?

Well, he's just worried because it's fragile.

Well, if it's so fragile

then why are we taking it to the desert?

Well, um, I was gonna bring this up later,

but, do you guys remember the 24-hour film thing I sent you?

-No. -Yeah.

No! We are not doing homework on this weekend, okay?

This trip is about two things, and two things only.

One, to practice being climate refugees

which we will all be in a few years.

-Ugh. -And two,

getting rat shit, fucking hammered

- in the desert. - Yeah.

Well, it's not for class.

It... it's for an analog media short film festival.

A really cool one, actually, out of Seattle.

-Mm, cool. -True, super cool.

Hey, um, if you think for one second

that we're going to lug that thing all the way

to Delicate Arch, you're dead wrong.

Oh, and, uh, did you remind your cousin

that I was not kidding about bringing sunscreen?

Yeah.

Although, hopefully they didn't think it was code

for like, angel dust or something.

Ferg! My Fergie-wergie!

Wilda! What up, cuz?

Don't tell me that whole cooler is full of booze and drugs.

Oh, it is.

This whole cooler is full of booze and drugs.

Hey, the inversion's coming down pretty hard,

- don't get any in your eyes! - Just how fucked up

are you planning on getting down there?

What, I can't hear you, dude.

Whoa, automatic!

- How you doin'? - I'm okay.

What's that?

Fucked up, right? So, Grant's me-maw and pee-paw

used this to make porn parodies of CBS Sunday Morning.

Oh, really? That's cool as hell, dude.

Oh, my god, have you ever seen that show?

All the anchors look like they're fucking melting--

Okay!

"Careful, it's vintage!"

Bruh, these influencer bitches

get like, free everything.

I really need some sort of marketable social media gimmick.

Mm, like what?

I don't know. Like, what about wellness?