Doctor Who

Agh!

Moron!

Numbskull!

Elf! That's racist!

Of course it's not racist, you ARE an elf!

Chimneys? I'm sorry!

I'm just checking that you can see these massive chimneys.

I...er... They're hard to miss.

As you've clearly demonstrated, Ian!

Donner! Donner and Blitzen! Come on down, down here, boys.

Good boys, good boys.

Rudolph?

Just, just clear all the tangerines up.

Pick 'em up - all of them, Ian.

You know no-one really likes the tangerines, don't you?

How dare you!

That's my signature gift!

That and the walnut.

Down here, boys, come on. Rudolph?!

Er, sir? We've been seen.

Hello...

Hello. Hello, ha-ha!

Hello, human.

You can't call her human!

It's not racist. They don't mind.

Hush up, both of you.

Oh, sorry about this... girl?

W-We... are just three passing,

perfectly ordinary...

..roof people, doing some emergency... roof things.

Carry on. Merry Christmas.

If-if it is Christmas, I mean...!

Ha-ha!

I don't much care for things like that, myself. Pfft!

I mean, Christmas, ha-ha-ha! Are you...

..Santa Claus?

Me?!

No! Oh, no!

It's ridiculous. Ha-ha. No, no, no, ho-ho-ho!

Ho-ho... Rudolph! Rudolph! Down here!

All right, fine, yes. Yes, it's me.

Ha! Guilty.

How did you recognise me?

You know how you grew that beard as a bit of a disguise?

People have picked up on it.

OK, no. Hang on, stop, shut up.

What? Seriously, you...

..you're Father Christmas? You're real?

Of course I'm real! How could he not be real? Huh?

How do you think those presents got under the tree every year? By magic?

Well, I thought it was my mum and...

Mum and Dad?!

Ho-ho!

Well, of course it was!

I mean, it makes perfect sense!

Your mum and dad, one day a year,

for no particular reason, just out of the blue,

suddenly decide to give you a great, big pile of presents.

No, no, no. Because... "They love you so much!"

It's a lovely story, dear.

Yeah, but it's time to start living in the real world, yeah?

OK, right.

Clara Oswald.

Mostly favours travel books, science kits.

Strict ban on hair products.

Marginal for the naughty list, '93.

Believer until the age of nine.

Why did you stop?

Because you're a fairy tale.

I grew out of fairy tales.

Did you, Clara?

Did you really?

Clara, I want you to step inside the TARDIS.

I don't want you to talk, I want you to do as I ask. Please.

That was good, with the box.

Hmph! Not often we get upstaged on a rooftop. Hmm!

Yes, I'm really here. I'm back.

Now get inside the TARDIS.

I know what this is.

I know what's happening, and I know what's at stake.

I don't think you do, Doctor.

But I promise, before this Christmas Day is done,

you'll be glad of my help.

Happy Easter!

Ooh, brutal!

Cool exit line, though.

Be sure to save some room for a tangerine, Doctor.

Nobody likes tangerines.

I'm really back here. This is... this is real, yeah?

Doctor?

Talk to me.

I never thought I was going to see you again.

What is going on out there? What's happening?

Oh, that noise.

Never knew how much I loved it.

There's something you have to ask yourself, and it's important.

Your life may depend on it - everybody's life.

Do you really believe in Santa Claus?

Do you know what?

Yeah.

Right now, yeah. I think I do.

'You are now 20 feet from the infirmary.

'In a moment, as soon as you're ready,'

I'll disable the security protocols.

Your neural link is good and holding.

We stand ready to abort

and extract at the first sign of an anomaly.

We're going to be with you

'every step of the way, Shona.'

We're all depending on you and we know you won't let us down.

Shona, I'm opening the door.

I need the toilet!

No, you don't. We're monitoring your bodily functions.

'And how are you monitoring THAT? Cos that's rude!'

That is... perverted.

Do you remember my briefing, Shona?

Yeah...

Well, no.

I remember some of it.

Some of it? How much?

Till he put his hand on my knee.

'And then I was just grossing.'

It was intended as a comfort!

For whom?

'All I could see was his nose,

'with all the little hairs coming out of it.'

Have you seen those?

It's like he's got insects trapped up there,

all trying to escape, with their wee, wiggly legs.

OK. Let's just go through this again.

'There are four sleepers inside the infirmary.

'You're fine, so long as they don't wake up. She's in range.'

Shona, I'm unsealing the infirmary.

'From now on, everything you think and feel,

'everything you see, will be available to them.'

Most of it's fine, like traffic noise when you're sleeping.

So long as you don't think about them.

So long as you don't look at them. So don't think about them...

Don't look at them.

I thought there was going to be music.

We've got your playlist, ready to go.

Focus on the words of the song, try to remember what comes next.

'That will work like interference. Here comes your earworm.'

Keep your eyes on the floor.

'Shut them where possible.'

Focus on the music and move forward through the infirmary.

# It's the time that every Santa has a ball

Oh, dear Lord, she's not actually...

If dancing works, it works.

This is insane!

# So here it is, Merry Christmas

# Look to the future now

# It's only just begun

Argh! Argh!

Shona?

Shona, what's wrong?

We've, we've got ghosts! 'Ghosts?!'

Yeah, yeah, it's a skeleton man and a girl in a nightie!

Doctor? No, no, you're making me think about them,

don't make me think about them!

What are they?

Look, just don't ask, yeah? And don't look.

Don't make me think about them!

Deaf.

Blind.

How can they see us?

How do they even know that we're here?

They can only see you, yeah, if you see them.

So just don't look, don't even think about them!

Oh, telepathic!

They can home in on their own image in someone else's brain.

Third-party perception.

Mind piracy.

We're being hacked.

What does that even mean?

The visual input from your optic nerve

is being streamed to their brains.

Stop broadcasting. Close your eyes!

They're still coming, aren't they?

It's because you're still thinking about them.

So long as you retain them as an active memory,

they can still home in. Think about something else.

How?!

She's running interference. She's trying to distract herself.

304 minus 17.

Sorry, what?

Plus 20 - just do it! 507.

Minus 14, times four. 1,972.

Stop being so good at arithmetic! I can't help it!

Danny Pink! What's Danny Pink up to right now?

Probably flirting with your neighbour

or texting women of low moral character.

Don't you dare.

Don't you dare say that.

I was only... Danny Pink is dead.

No, he's not. He's dead.

Go, run, now, now, now!

Come on, quick, quick, come on!

Here they come!

No!