Last Man Standing

Vanessa: Anyway, that's probably more detail than you need.

But the point is the teachers' union has bent over backwards

to try to solve this thing, and the school board has just dug in.

You know who suffers?

Me.

The students.

The students... aren't they supposed to be

the most important thing?

They're the reason I became a teacher.

But, no, it's like everybody's forgotten about them.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I hear that diaries are still a thing with your generation.

Do you want a pen?

I think I fixed the barbecue grill.

Oh, Dad, thank God!

Oh, Mom needs to vent about her union strike-y thingy,

but I have to stop listening.

Listen, listen. Sit down.

No, come... Sit, sit.

I actually cannot listen to your mom vent.

No, but you have to because you married her.

I just walked into the kitchen.

I literally can't listen to your mom vent. Vanessa.

Well, over the years, your father and I have come up

with a healthy way of dealing with these situations.

Yeah, we don't deal with these situations.

Okay, how is that healthy?

Sometimes, I just need a sympathetic ear to listen to how I'm feeling.

And your dad, bless his heart, can't help but try to fix things.

That's me, the annoying tool man just trying to make things better.

You've heard of that book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus."

Oh, the follow-up...

"Why All the Crap on Venus is Still Broken."

And we're just different, so we have a pact.

When I want to share my feelings, I find somebody else to talk to.

And I try to get out of the house quick so I don't try to fix something.

Yeah.

It's how a good marriage evolves.

You should remember this when you marry Kyle.

Yeah, totally unnecessary.

I don't have any problems, and Kyle doesn't have any solutions.

Perfect.

See, she already doesn't want my advice, just like her mother.

Ah.

So, good luck with whatever's bothering you.

Yeah, thanks, sweetie.

- So, where was I? - Oh, my God.

If I don't know, are you gonna start over again?

Hey, you better be on fire out there.

Relax, Dad, I'm not smoking.

- I'm vaping. - Oh, that's nice.

At least you're not doing something

that's just bad for you, but it looks stupid, too.

It can't be unhealthy... Tons of celebrities do it,

and they know how to take care of themselves

because their lives are more important than regular people's.

Yeah? Google Nick Nolte.

Look at his picture. He's 26 years old.

You don't get it 'cause your generation's smoking

was all gross tobacco, and ours is made of water and is good for you.

Come on, get rid of that thing before your mom gets home.

She's going through enough stress with that potential strike thing.

She doesn't need to see her daughter toking on a kazoo.

Okay, well, here's an idea.

Just don't tell her.

What... no.

Hey.

What, uh... what's going on?

She's smoking one of those vape pens.

Narc.

Seriously?

Mandy, you are way too smart...

Mandy, this is really bad for you.

Here's the thing... no, it's not.

It's basically just water, and hydrating is healthy...

scientific fact.

Really?

We have a scientist right here.

Why don't we ask her?

- Yeah. - (Scoffs)

Come on, give it to her.

Not fair.

Just lay out the facts and suck the joy out of it,

just like you did our trip to the Grand Canyon.

All right.

Look, look, as a scientist, I can tell you

that this is not just harmless water vapor.

There you go.

And no matter what form it's delivered in, nicotine is a vasoconstrictor.

Honey, honey.

And beyond that, the liquids used are polluted with chemical additives.

And not the delicious kind they put in hot dogs.

But they're still safer than cigarettes.

There are studies.

No, you're the study.

Your generation are the guinea pigs.

We... We won't know how sick these things can make you for another 20 years.

By then, we're using jetpacks.

You don't want to be too sick to fly around in one of those.

This could also be a gateway to cigarette smoking.

Yes, a horrible addiction.

Yes.

You know, when I was a grad student, I started having a

cigarette every now and then just as a stress reliever.

And before I knew it, I was hooked.

Held tight in its velvety grip.

Living for the sweet release of that first morning drag.

It just melts all your troubles away.

Now I want a cigarette.

Just don't do it. It's bad for you.

Okay, but I'm 22. I can do what I want.

No, you're living in our house, and we're paying your health insurance.

It's doesn't matter if you're 42.

Which is how old you'll look if you keep vaping.

That is literally the meanest thing you've ever said to me.

Let me make it simple.

Give me your house key or give me the vape pen.

Ugh.

Oh, and for the record, I will not look 42

until I am well into my 60s.

Just unbelievable.

Uh... Well, look at that.

Solving problems.

You want to take a shot at the strike thing?

Well, I really don't think that's something that can be solved,

but if you want to talk about how it makes us feel...

Nah, I got to work on that grill.

You are not going to believe this.

You finished remodeling the basement?

Oh, no, not even close, no idea what I'm doing.

Oh, my God.

- A safe? - Uh-huh.

And I checked online... whenever you buy a house, whatever's inside of it is yours.

So, it's our safe.

Absolutely, according to the landmark Supreme Court decision

Finders v. Keepers.

This is awesome. What do you think is in it?

I don't know, but it's probably something really valuable,

like journals or letters or maybe an unpublished manuscript for a novel.

Ooh, we could spend the rest of our lives reading.

Come on, think big... it's a safe.

There could be silver or gold doubloons.

Okay, I'm just saying there are different kinds of treasure.

Yeah, but the best kind of treasure is actual treasure.

How do we get in it?

- I don't know, won't budge. - (Sighs)

Ryan, there could be absolutely anything in there.

I know. It is such a great feeling.

It's even better than when we pulled up the carpet

and we found hardwood floors.

It's just so frustrating.

I mean, I became a teacher to teach,

not to paint a stupid sign and march around chanting.

I teach art, dance, and music, so that's pretty much my job description.

Well, if there is a strike, I know who's making my sign.

Boy, you really think this could happen?

Mm. I hope not.

Those poor kids will miss out on so much class time.

Oh, and we're about to cover parabolas, their absolute favorite.

Hey. Oh, hi.

Uh, is this book club tonight?

'Cause you might need some more members and, um, a book.

- Mike, you remember Sheryl from school. - Yeah, of course.

We sat together during that awful spring concert.

She's, uh, she's the music teacher.

- (Clears throat) - Ah.

When I say "awful," you know, it's awf... full of awe.

You could say it that way.

No offense taken.

Oh, by the way, that tent you sold me sucks.

Thank you so much for the glass of wine.

I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow.

- Bye, Sheryl. - Bye.

So, um, what meeting?

I joke about your wine, but I don't think you have a problem.

The, uh, the union is voting on a strike authorization.

I was up half the night worrying about it.

I almost woke up Mandy to vent.

I've been having a terrible, terrible week at work.

Oh, is your fancy leather chair making that "squeak-squoosh" sound again?

Well, I know I'd explain what's going on,

but you'd have to understand, you know, kayaks.

But, uh, you know, it would help me if you were to take me up to the cabin

so I could get my mind off that terrible kayak.

Oh, that would help you, huh?

Right, or what would be great is, uh, you know, a spa day.

I really could use a mani-pedi.

Honey, you're very sweet, but I don't need a spa or a cabin getaway.

I will figure this out on my own.

All right.

Just stay away from my feet in bed because my nails

are like little, tiny machetes.

Why were those people cheering when the strike vote passed?

These kids can't afford any time off.

Well, neither can I.

- The last strike lasted 52 days. - Ugh.

I had to go get a job at Hot Dog on a Stick.

Which is a super-fun place to run into your students.

I didn't know you smoked.

I'm not judging. At least you look cool.