Deceived by My Mother-In-Law

- -

James, hey, wake up.

Honey, honey, I think there's someone in the house.

James! James, wake up! James, wake up!

Wake up, James! There's somebody down here!

Help! Help!

Somebody help me!

Please! Please!

Mm! Morning.

Morning, wife.

I didn't know you were up.

"Wife." I didn't think I was the...

"hey, we're in vegas, let's get hitched" kind of girl.

Yeah? Well, here we are.

Hmm. Damn right.

I got you something.

You did?

It's just a little post-wedding gift,

a small token my love.

Babe...

I didn't get you anything.

You give me everything.

Go ahead, open it.

Wow.

You said you had a watch like it in your twenties that you lost.

Yeah. I just...

I can't believe that you remembered that story, babe.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Wow.

Uh, so...

Is Mara cool with this?

With us, you know, getting married now?

I-I think so.

We're gonna have to do something more formal with her

sometime soon, but...

Absolutely.

And my mom is gonna move in with us,

so, you know, we can all celebrate our love together.

Oh, I like the sound of that.

What time's our flight?

It's at noon, so I'll go pick her up and...

Really, I can't thank you guys enough

for letting her stay with us.

It means a lot. I just moved in,

and now you got two of us to deal with.

We're family.

I guess it was a little bit weird

that you and I tied the knot,

and I haven't even met your mom, but...

Yeah, she's just...

Maggie's been too sick to travel lately.

I'm telling you, Kristen, diabetes can be a real bitch.

I should warn you,

I can kinda make her one too.

Well, I'm sure I can handle her.

I mean, I know I can handle you.

Your form is so good.

Hi.

Look, I don't mean to ruin your workout.

I just want to check in on you.

Oh, no, it's no worries. I was just about done.

Hey, I didn't see James this morning? Where is he?

He's picking his mother up at the airport, remember?

Oh, yeah, that's today.

You two have been a couple for like, what, six months now?

I cannot believe you haven't even met his mom.

Well, I think that this way,

isn't it awesome we get to meet her together?

Yeah, sure, why not?

Honey, I know I've asked you this a bunch of times, but you...

You're not upset, right?

I mean, about us running off to get married?

No, no. I just...

I think that maybe it feels a little...

Soon?

I usually reserve that term for bad jokes about tragedy,

but yeah, maybe a little.

But you like him though, right?

James? Oh, yeah, I really do.

I see the way that he treats you.

It's very sweet, and I think that you deserve it.

But like you said, it just... It happened so fast,

and I feel like you're still pretty vulnerable

after everything that happened last year.

Maybe.

Honey, I'm an adult, and I know what's right for me.

I'm so much better than a year ago.

You know?

You and James are a big part of why.

Heck, you know, between my loving daughter

and my new husband and shrink,

I'm pretty much as good as new.

I know how terrible it all was,

but honestly, mom, think about it like this.

How many people really get stuck twice in their lifetime?

I have no idea,

but if there's one, that's one too many.

Mom, I would like for you to meet

my gorgeous and generous wife, Kristen,

and her awesome and equally generous daughter, Mara.

This is my mom, Maggie.

It's so nice to finally meet you, Maggie.

Welcome to our home.

Yeah. Our casa is your casa.

Mm.

Mom, would you like to say something to your host?

Where's my room?

Mom, come on, be nice.

Thank you for allowing me to stay with my boy.

Uh, you're welcome. We're happy to have you.

Yeah, we are happy to have you, mom.

- Let's sit down. - Isn't that nice?

Well, I'll try not to be too much trouble.

Oh, I'm sure it'll be no trouble at all.

Say cheese.

Oh! What are you doing?

Just taking your picture.

- Why? - Posterity?

I hate having my photo taken. Put that thing away now!

- It's okay. - It's okay, mom, it's okay.

Why don't I go get some refreshments?

Hey, Mara, would you help me?

- Oh, yeah, sure, yeah. - Great.

Let's leave these two to get a little better acquainted.

- Right. - All right.

So it's... it's Kristen, right?

That's me.

Well, you got a good-sized house here, Kristen.

Oh, thanks.

A bit tacky for my taste, but that's neither here nor there.

Good for you, living high on that hog.

You get the money from your first husband or something?

Um, no.

Actually, Mara's father passed away when she was little.

For the record, I'm the breadwinner of the family.

Oh, is that right?

What exactly does the breadwinner do

to make all that dough rise?

I'm a divorce attorney.

Ah! Got it.

So while all those miserable, desperate people

are suffering right there in front of you,

you're just sitting there,

billing the hours and raking in that cash.

I mean, I'm not just sitting there.

Oh, no, of course not. I'm just kidding.

So how'd you get my boy to marry you anyway?

Uh, well, actually, it was...

James was the only one who suggested

that we do it on the spot.

Was the wedding nice or what?

'Cause this mother of the groom never saw a damn photo.

Here you go.

Now we're family, all of us.

Isn't that wonderful?

Yeah, I feel the same way.

See? Look at you two. I knew it.

Couple peas in a pod.

Mom, is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm great.

This is gonna be so much fun.

You wanted to see me? What's up?

- Come here. - Yeah?

I just...

What's going on?

Kristen, just say it.

Did your mother say anything to you about me?

Just that she was thankful that you opened up your home to her.

Really? She said that?

I get the feeling that she doesn't like me all that much,

and I have no idea what I did wrong.

Okay, what happened?

Was it something in her tone, maybe?

More like something in her words.

Oh, kris, I don't know.

She's just from a different era.

And yeah, I mean, she could be a little rough around the edges.

You think?

Trust me, she has a big heart,

and it's usually in the right place.

She's probably just testing you,

see what you're made of.

Great. I got enough on the first day.

Look at me.

Relax, okay?

I love you and Mara.

And yeah, this happened really fast,

but we have the rest of our lives to take it easy.

All of us.

So let's just let Maggie get used to her new surroundings.

I promise. This is all gonna work out.

Come here.

Thank you.

What are you doing here?

Well, maybe I just wanted to see that pretty face of yours.

What do you want, Ross?

Your request for child support is killing me, baby.

Excuse me. "Baby?"

you know I don't have that much money.