Gintama.: Shirogane no Tamashii hen

Men,

I called you here for one reason:

Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!

there is an issue causing unrest in the court,

and I felt the need to discuss it immediately.

I have heard all about it.

Ever since I fell sick,

the struggle for the right to succeed me as king of Planet Okoku

has split you all into two factions

that are locked in an ugly conflict over succession.

This is all my fault for being weak.

I don't have long left.

So I must resolve this problem before I go.

Your Highness, you needn't trouble yourself with this.

Our utmost desire is to see you remain on the throne for as long as possible.

Please leave the administration to us and focus on recovering.

Prince Hata is leading us retainers in your stead.

His kind heart, filled with love for every living being,

is propping us all up.

He will surely be a wonderful king.

Kindness?

Nes, are you saying that qualifies him to be king?

Can a "kind" prince who ignores national affairs to dote on animals

really protect the subjects?

Dan! You dare to insult the prince in front of the king?!

I'm prepared to sacrifice my life to say this.

Your Highness!

Only Prince Barkas can lead this country and its people!

His acumen in military strategy, his political savvy,

and above all, his status as the eldest son make him truly fit to be king!

So why hasn't he been appointed successor?

Dan, don't cause any more political unrest than you already have.

Shut up!

You're just a hyena who wants to leech off of Prince Hata!

Hmph. You know very well why he hasn't been made successor.

Prince Barkas certainly is brilliant and has a personality fit to be king.

But there is one kingly quality that he crucially loses out to Prince Hata on.

That's right. He is tiny!

Oh, pardon me. I forgot that you're pretty small yourself.

I mean the symbol of our race's males and our pride:

Peerinitis

Peerinitis.

Or, for short, Penis!

Penis

Since ancient times, a male's worth has been decided by his forehead Penis's size,

and we've placed utmost importance on it.

Regardless of everything else, the one with the bigger Penis is better.

The one with the bigger Penis is more popular.

The one with the bigger Penis has an easier time hailing taxis.

The one with the bigger Penis is a superior creature!

The royal family is no exception.

Even if he was born first, even if he's hugely talented,

one with a tiny Penis has no right to be king!

Because while hard work can make up for a lack of talent,

nothing can be done about Penis size!

You want to ignore that tradition and make a tiny man king?!

Have some shame!

H-He's not tiny! Even the prince is average when erect...

Dan, don't go there. Don't bring up erections.

If you bring that up, Prince Hata is much bigger when he has a chub, too!

Nes, don't go there. Don't bring up chubs.

I'm saying that the tradition is a blight on our race!

Can one rule the country with one's Penis?

Even if he has a small Penis, a talented man will build a better country!

Who cares about a Penis? What is a Penis, anyway?!

Are you insulting His Highness?

He became king solely through the size of his Penis!

If you took his Penis away, what would he have left?

Just water, that's what!

You're the one insulting him!

His Highness has plenty of virtues aside from his Penis.

What are they? Enlighten us!

U-Uh, you know, he has an easier time hailing taxis!

That's because he has a big Penis!

His Highness has nothing but his Penis! He has to stake it all on his Penis!

Turn it around, and it means even a blockhead can be competent if he has a big Penis.

As long as he has a big Penis, everything else will work itself out!

Right, Your Highness?

Your Highness!

Hang in there, Peni— Your Highness!

Call a doctor!

Your Highness, please tell us before you go!

Who will be the next king?

The one with the big Penis?

The one who has a smaller Penis but is capable?

Big Penis?

Smaller Penis but capable?

Your Highness!

Th-The one... who has a big Penis... and is capable...

I suppose Father could never forget about Brother.

Our elder brother,

First Prince of Planet Okoku, Dragonia.

A hero who was hailed as the Nine-Dragon Prince.

At the young age of five, his Penis was as long as a dragon's whisker,

5 years old

and his talents threatened to pierce the heavens, like a dragon's horns.

They said that the country was sure to prosper if he became king.

But the massive size of his Penis led to tragedy,

and he left us all behind.

That's what you call a king.

Th-That's not true, Brother!

You're just as good! It's just, your Penis...

Sorry.

Don't say that, Hata.

In these peaceful times, a kind man like you is better suited to be king.

But if I remain here, that peace won't last long.

Fighting will surely break out over the throne.

Become a kind king who loves all living beings, Hata.

Brother...

Brother...

Close shave! I died for a moment just now!

What's this? What's going on right now, again?

Unhand the prince, you knave!

Prince Half-Wit... I'd heard that you love animals,

but to think you'd build an ark to keep Earth's species alive...

I see you in a new light now.

But there's something you should keep in mind.

Earth also has savage beasts that you can't handle.

Send word to your country at once!

"The prince's life is in danger!

Gather up all the troops in the country and rush to his aid!

The entire army of Planet Okoku must make the prince's wish come true.

We must rise up to protect Earth and stop the Liberation Army!"

Zura! You...

In this desperate situation,

are you trying to find Earth an ally?

Are you out of your mind?!

You want us to fight the entire universe for you lot?!

I'm not telling you to fight.

The Liberation Army is currently rooted to Earth.

They think it has no allies across the universe.

What do you think will happen if an allied army suddenly shows up?

Liberation Army

All you need to do is draw the enemy's attention.

Okoku Army

After that, you're free to flee if you want.

Not Zura, Katsura

We'll take that opportunity to take over the Liberation Army's HQ and stop the war.

This way, you can protect all of Earth's species.

Screw you! Our own species could die out from this!

Besides, why should I care about Earth's survival?

I was just building a collection! Who the hell brought this stray dog in?!

Your orders were to take in species from Earth at random, Prince.

Can't you tell the difference

between species that are better off dead and ones that need protection, geezer?!

Understood, Prince.

Hey, get rid of the Joi Rebills along with that white pig.

Sorry about that. Protect the pig, okay?

The pig can live, don't you think?

Don't you get it?

Right now, your life isn't in the hands of the Joi Rebills or the Liberation Army,

but this old man here!

Where's your reply, pig?

O-Oink!

Hear that, men?

To protect our country, the prince is acting like a pig

and telling you to shoot him and the enemy.

Pull the trigger.

Nothing's changed!

That stray dog

ain't the only one in here.

Why not get rid of it along with the baa-ing white goat?

You!

You sure took your time, Chief of Immigration.

Yeah. Sorry to keep you waiting.

I had to get up from clinging to the ground and drag myself here.

Cut me some slack.

A loser underdog has his own way of flying.

I munched on dog food and did the dog paddle to get all the way here.

Now, shall we be on our way, Master?

It's time for a walk.

No! I don't want to die, but I don't want to fight the Liberation Army, either!

Serves you right! This is what you get for getting carried away!

It's all your fault for bringing this guy in to get your revenge, Prince Hog!

Hasegawa-san! Kill that geezer already!

Hey, Joi Rebills! I'll work with you, so kill that pig prince!

Somebody shut that geezer up! Fire!

Go ahead and fire! But make sure to kill that pig after me!

Fire, now!

Open fire!

I opened fire,

just as you ordered.

Dan, you!

Gunfire?

Zura, what's going on?!

Zura!

I have waited a long time for this.

I've waited ever since you people exiled Prince Barkas

for this moment when I could wipe out the morons with nothing but big Penises

and establish a country of tiny ones.

If we joined forces with Earth,

not only would our country get wiped out, but also our entire planet.

At least be of use to the country with your dying breath,

by disappearing from this world along with your incompetent Penises.

Elizabeth... Hey, Elizabeth!

But before you go, I have something to ask you.

Why did you stay a prince even after you took over the country?

Why'd you leave the throne empty instead of becoming king?!

But you do have a king.

A capable man with a huge Penis,