Hollywood Darlings

Oh, you guys, this is my new favorite drink.

It's totally detoxifying.

It's made with charcoal.

Ugh. Blech.

Oh, God, it tastes like camping.

Here, try it.

- Ugh. - Hi.

I just wanted to come over and say I'm the biggest fan.

- Oh, hi, how are you? - Carrie.

- Oh, hi, nice to meet you. - Hi.

Hi... Jodie, I know your name.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, are you Beverley Mitchell?

- Hi. - Oh, my gosh!

Are Lucy Camden and Stephanie Tanner

friends in real life?

Both: We are.

Like, I loved "Full House,"

but, like, I loved "7th Heaven."

Can I take a picture with you guys?

I just want to, like... Do you think you could...?

- Thank you so, so much. - Oh, yeah.

I just want to, like, post it to everybody

- I ever went to high school with. - Sure.

They'd get a kick out of it.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

Say "Al Lambert."

Al Lambert. Who's that?

Okay, I'm just gonna take a selfie, too, just for you.

- Oh. - Just for later, just for fun.

- Okay. - Here you go.

Hey, we've got an extra one of these.

You into charcoal that's been sweetened?

Yeah, sure. Thanks.

- There you go. - Anyway, thank you.

It was so nice to meet you.

You're a wonderfully horrible person.

I know. That's why we're friends.

Oh, look at the babies.

Oh, okay, so I had this audition the other day,

and the casting assistant could not stop talking

about the '90s and being a big fan

of "Step by Step" and Al.

It's like, I feel like sometimes people in the business

can't see us for anything other than our old characters.

Yeah.

My spiritual advisor, he says...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Your "spiritual advisor"? - Yeah.

Is this the same spiritual advisor that, like,

told you to shove a rose quartz up your vag to get pregnant?

Hey, I got a six-month old, bitches,

so call it what you will, but this works.

Okay.

Anyway, he says maybe I have a block.

Maybe there's something that I haven't done in my past

and that's causing me to not be able to move forward.

I certainly don't have that problem.

I think I did everything in my past as possible.

No, you're pretty unblocked. You're, like, Metamucil of life.

Well, we've actually been friends since we were kids.

The great thing about being a child actor

is that we had some really amazing experiences growing up.

Yeah, it's kind of this, like,

unique little club that we're in.

For us, this was our Girl Scouts.

Yeah, but instead of going out into the field

and, like, having a real camping trip,

we just had one on stage eight with, like,

a fake rock and a trained bear.

I only had Happy the dog.

We did one episode with this, uh, this donkey

that got a hard-on every time he saw John Stamos.

- Can you blame him? -

You know, like, there were a lot of things I missed out on.

Like, I never went to prom.

I just wanted to have the experience.

Like, get a corsage, go in a crappy limo,

you know, wake up with vomit in my hair.

My prom was nothing like that.

You know what I really would love to do?

A slumber party.

- Best idea ever. - No.

I have no interest in re-creating a slumber party,

nothing like that.

I survived my childhood,

I barely survived my teens and my 20s,

I'm very happy where I am now, and I would like to stay there.

- So let's do the slumber party. - Yes.

Ooh, we could do prank calls.

Prank calls? Like, Ouija board?

And you know what? Let's... we can...

Let's go get some great '90s movies.

- Yes. - Yes!

- Yes! - Yes.

- Yes! - Yes.

I love this idea!

This is why people hate child actors.

All right, are you ready?

Yeah.

Wow.

So I just made a little vision board for our slumber party.

So that way, we actually hit all the important points.

So, um, you know, I just got, like,

brush each other's hair, puffy paint, makeovers.

Secret-telling.

Um, teen movies.

You know, I'm gonna be honest with you, Bev,

this is feeling a little "7th Heaven" to me.

The slumber parties I experienced growing up

were a little more "Dazed and Confused."

It's more like, you get into the parent's liquor cabinet,

you get a little bit of root beer, maybe some Jack Daniels,

you throw a little vermouth in there.

Kind of, like, swish it all up,

then you end up puking, crying, telling each other

our deepest secrets and how much we love each other,

and that usually ends with either perms,

or braiding each other's hair, or cutting bangs.

- No bangs. - All right.

I did the bangs.

Bangs... bangs weren't a good look.

Fair enough, fair enough.

Oh, so I'm trying to get a prom date

and it's not going well.

So I went on YouTube.

Apparently, there's not a lot of videos out there

of teenage boys requesting Christine Lakin

to take them to prom.

- Really? Yeah. - I know, shocking.

I decided to make my own video.

"Teenage boys, hello, I will take you to prom."

I just posted it, like, 20 minutes ago.

So the only thing I have left to do is find a prom dress, really.

Let's go find your prom dress,

get the teen movies.

- This is gonna be great. - Yeah.

Somebody definitely wants to take you to prom.

Yeah, my milkshake is bringing all the boys to the yard.

What is that doing back in here?

- That was in the box. - Why are you getting rid of it?

- Who needs a slot machine? - This thing's awesome.

We do not need it around here, okay?

We've got kids. The last they need

is to start a compulsive gambling habit.

- Put it in the box. - Okay.

Thank you.

What else are you getting rid of?

Mr. Bear? Aren't you sentimental at all?

It's not my real bear. It was Mr. Bear, he was a prop.

You're gonna regret getting rid of this.

If we don't clear this out,

this is gonna turn into an episode of "Hoarders."

There are gonna be dead cats under boxes.

- Dead cats? - No, that's how it happens.

- That's how it happens. - That's how they start?

- They just move in... - Have you ever watched "Hoarders"?

You know how they started?

- Saving old bears. -

I'm telling you, that's how it starts.

Well, am I gonna end up in a box someday?

Yeah, it's called a coffin.

Yeah, that's a good point.

This place is actually an authentic VHS store.

This is like a blast from the past.

Ugh, I don't get it.

Nobody is responding to my YouTube video.

They keep taking it down.

- What's up? - Let me see.

Well, it might be the title.

"Wanted: Teenage Boys."

The title... No, to take to prom.

- It doesn't say that. - To take to prom!

It cut it off.

Ugh!

Where else am I gonna find teenage boys?

I got to stop saying stuff like that.

- Yeah. - Welcome, ladies.

What's your pleasure?

We are looking for some '90s teen films.

- Love '90s movies. - Great.

Got a whole '90s section right over here.

Oh, awesome!

- See, a perfect spot. - Follow me.

What is that smell?

I can't place it.

So, '90s teen section as promised.

- Hmm. - All right.

I don't think this is the VHS store of your dreams, Bev.

All those items are on sale, by the way.

I think we might, uh...

Want to see some of the titles?

- "The Booby-titters Club." - Yes!

That one just explains itself.

"I Know Who You Did Last Summer."

Oh, classic.

Oh, "10 Things I Fellate About you."

You know what, I'm so sorry.

I think we are in the wrong space.

- No, no, I... - We'll just be going.