The Office

Tonight is the Dundies, the annual employee world's night here at Dunder Mifflin

and this is everybody's favorite day, everybody looks forward to it.

Because, you know a lot of the people here don't get trophies very often

like Meredith or Kevin. I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award ? Dunkin Donuts?

Plus, bonus, it's really really funny.

So I..., you know an employee will go home, and he'll tell his neighbor:

"Hey, did you get an award?" And the neighbor will say:

"No man, I mean I slave all day, nobody notices me."

Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor’s house:

Neighbor’s hanged himself, due to lack of recognition.

So you're ready for the Dundies?

You know what they say about a car wreck where it's so awful you can't look away?

The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away

but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

It's fat Halpert

- What? - Fat Halpert, Jim Halpert.

So why don't I take you on a tour of past Dundee winners?

We got fat Jim Halpert here, Jim why don't you show off your Dundies to the camera?

Oh I can't, because I keep them hidden, I don't wanna look at them and get cocky.

- Oh, that's a good idea. - And mine are at home, in a display case about my bed.

TMI, TMI my friend.

TMI ? Too Much Information.

It's just easier to say TMI. I used to say "Don't Go There" but that's lame.

And here we have Stanley the manly, now Stanley is a Dundee Allstar, aren’t you Stan?

Why don't you show them some of your bling?

I don't know where they are, I think I threw them out.

- Oh, no you didn't. - I think I did.

Why did...?

Say, we gotta order some more appetizers this time.

- We ran out last year, remember? - Yes we should, you know what?

I wanted one of those skillets of cheese,

but when I got on stage, someone had eaten all of them.

To Oscar Martinez, It's the "Show Me The Money" award!

Michael has taped every Dundies Awards,

and now he's making me look through hours of footage to find highlights.

That's the type of song we're gonna play to the ladies, Hit it Dwight !

A little bit of Pam, all night long. A little bit of Angela, on the sing.

A little bit of...

This is the part where Kevin stands in front of the camcorder all night. It's great.

- It was you. - It wasn't me, I swear.

So what's the joke ? You're not perfect either!

- We're not laughing at you Dwight! - So who are you laughing at?

- Just something somebody wrote. - Who ? Dave Barry?

No, no. That was just something that was written on the ladies room wall.

What is it ? Who wrote it?

- It's kind of private, - It's about Michael!

That is defacement of company property, so you'd better tell me.

Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less.

Ok, now I'm laughing at you!

Will her highness Jan Levinson Gould be

descending from her corporate throne this evening to visit us lowly serfs here,

Dunder Mifflin Scranton?

- It's a two and a half hour drive from New York Michael.

- Well, you could take the bus, you could work on the way here, sleep on the way home.

No.

Come on Jan this is important, I mean,

this is validation to my employees here that you and corporate approved of this.

We don't approve of this Michael.

You only have the budget for one office party a year so,

we're not paying for this.

- Are you here? - Yeah, I'm here, I just wanted to

talk to you for a second about that.

What..., what is..., I mean, come on Jan! You're dropping a A-bomb on me here!

- Really ? I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you. - Well, yeah, what is... no you can't!

- You already had a party on May 5th for no reasons?

No reasons ? It was the 05-05-05 party!

- And you also had a... - It happens once every billion years!

- And the tsunami relief fund raiser with somehow lost a lot of money

Ok, no that was a fun raiser, I think I made that very clear on the flyers. Fun, F-U-N.

... don't have a tsunami Fun raiser, Michael. - Well...

I think a lot of people were very affected by the footage.

It's a little character I like to do. It is loosely based on Karnack,

one of Carson's classic characters.

We got... the PLO, the IRA and the hot-dogs stand behind the warehouse.

Name 3 businesses that have better healthcare plans than Dunder Mifflin.

Here's the problem : There is no open bar because of Jan,

and it's the reason why comedy clubs have a 2-drink minimum.

We'll be fine. I just wish people gonna be drunk.

- Dwight get out of here what are you doing into ladies room...? - No no no, it's not what you're...

- Why were you in there? - You are a pervert! - What were you doing in there?

- You are a pervert ! - I am not!

The Dundee award, for longest engagement, goes to Pam Beesly, Pam everybody!

When will that girl gonna be married ? That’s what I have to say

- Oh Roy's accepting? - Yes.

Thank you, you have any words you'd like to say, at Pam's behalf?

- We'll see you next year! - Yeah ! Oh nuts ! Oh gosh!

- I'm not changing that, that's the best one. - No it's hilarious, you're right.

I just think, world's on disengagement, we're all expecting it you know?

That's why it's funny, every year that Roy and Pam don't get married it gets funnier!

Well I think if you use the same jokes it just comes across as lazy.

Ow, lazy!

Excuse me, everyone, can I have your attention please?

I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible.

Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall.

Having a bathroom is a privilege, it is called a ladies-room for a reason,

and if you cannot behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a bathroom.

- You're taking away our bathroom? - We are going to have 2 men rooms.

- But where would we go? - Be prepared to hold it folks, from 9 AM...

- Michael? - Yes?

Dwight is banning us from our bathroom.

- Ok, well that's ridiculous, just don't... I don't have time for this right now.

- There needs to be repercussions to people's behavior... - Don't don't talk don't touch stop it oddment!

- Ok, look I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about the Dundies this year,

how there is no money, and how there is no food, and how the jokes are really bad.

But what the hell everybody?

I mean, god the Dundies are about the best, in every one of us.

Can't you see that ? I mean...

ok, we can do better, so, tonight, for the first time,

We are inviting all of your friends and family to attend the awards with us.

- Yes! - Yeah, not bad right?

So let's make this best Dundies ever!

Best Dundies ever!

Welcome to eighth annual Dundies awards! Before we get started, a few announcements:

Keep your acceptance speeches shorts,

I have wrap it up music and I'm not afraid to use it, Devin.

The Dundies, how can I explain it? A word to auto mated,

You've all made it You had a was, you work so hard

You fell a no, no This isn't just a name

And now the N-O And he's been says Hello

Cut, come on!

The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go,

and there's really nothing for you to do there, but the kid's having a really good time, so,

you're kind of there. That's kind of what it's like.

... Dundee, you wanted that Dundee...

- The waitress tripped on the cord. - All right, joke'o'landed, so we are here,

Thank you all for coming, to the 2005 Dundee Awards,

I am your host, Michael Scott, and I just want to tell you

please, please, do not drink and drive, because you may hit a bump, and spill the drink.

All the flotties on the group tab.

No, actually this year no group tab we're gonna be doing separate checks!