Man Seeking Woman

FXX presents

Man Seeking Woman.

- If we just put a pin in that for a second...

- Dude, you been talking to that girl all night.

How's it been going?

Ah, dare I say amazing?

Uh, killin' it, bro.

So, as I was saying,

"Super Mario Brothers 2" has actually made

some pretty serious contributions

to the visual vocabulary of the game as a whole.

This, despite being the quote-unquote "least canonical"

of the franchise-- more on that later.

But for now, let us consider the case of the POW block.

- Whoa, uh, help! Help!

- Out of my way. Out of my way.

I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor.

She's dead. - What? What?

Oh, my God.

Was that, like, a sort of a heart attack?

- This woman died of boredom. - What? That's impossible.

A person can't die from being bored.

- It can happen in rare instances--

when a person hears something completely devoid of interest,

the brain becomes starved for stimulation,

and it begins to eat itself.

The pain is indescribable.

And when death comes, it is a sweet release.

- Okay, but she was interested, right?

'Cause she was nodding along. She kept going, "Mm-hmm."

- Those were vocal cord spasms cause by pre-death rigor mortis.

She was trying to cry out,

but, alas, she was too far gone to scream.

- I was--I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know.

- Know what? Don't blame yourself.

Just stop.

- I thought I was being pretty interesting.

So did I.

- You did? - Yeah.

Except Mario 2 didn't invent the POW block.

It was in Mario 1, but you couldn't--

both: Pick it up.

- You couldn't pick it up. Yeah. I'm Josh.

- Claire. - Hi.

- And, of course, you were talking

about the U.S. Mario 2...

- Not the so-called true sequel.

Look at you. - Out of my way!

This is just incredible.

All right, so I'll meet you at the theater.

Like, 7:00?

All right. Can't wait.

'Kay, bye.

Claire and I are going to a '50s sci-fi movie festival

at that theater where they sell old-timey sodas.

- Uh-huh. What date is this?

- Uh, fifth. - Whoa.

You know what that means. - Uh.

- Butt sex, dude. - What?

I don't--I don't think that's standard.

- What? Sure it is, dude.

First three dates are sex. - Okay.

Fourth date is butt stuff.

Then, fifth date is formal butt sex.

Oh.

I mean, well, we--we haven't had any kind of sex yet.

What?

Well, no, I mean,

stuff has been going really well between us.

We gel. We read the same comics.

We like the same video games.

I don't want to ruin it by rushing sex into it too soon.

But aren't you going crazy?

You haven't had sex in forever.

- Eh. It hasn't been that long.

Did you hear something?

No.

Oh.

- Ew. - Yuck.

- How long have you had that condom?

- I--I don't-- I don't know.

I forgot it was in there.

Hello, Josh.

You can talk!

I can talk, sing--

dream, even.

Used to do a little soft-shoe

before my lubrication dried out on me.

But that'll all be over soon.

For, you see, Josh,

I'm dying.

You're dying?

- Go on. Turn me over.

Read my expiration date.

That's--that's today.

- I was put on this earth to do one simple thing,

and I'll be dead before I get the chance.

Oh.

- Don't worry, little guy. Tonight's the night.

I'm gonna make a move on Claire.

Oh, thank you, Josh.

Thank you.

You make an old condom smile.

Nice.

What was your favorite part?

- Oh, uh, probably the bit where the rocket died

and it needed moon rocks--

- To get energy? Yeah, me too.

Oh, Lord.

We wasted three hours in there,

and now we're talking about moon rocks?

Get to the sex, Josh. Please, get to the sex.

- Shh! Stay down.

- What was that? - What? What?

Um, nothin'. Nothin'.

- So, we're still on for a hike next Saturday?

Mm-hmm, yes.

Uh, I would hike that very much.

Oh, Lord.

- Well, thanks for another nice night.

- Yes, yes, of course. Thank you also.

Moop.

Okay. Bye.

Man, what happened?

- I-- - She was into it!

I'm aware.

I was just waiting for a clear signal.

How much clearer do you want?

You expect her to bend over and present like a monkey?

No.

- And what in the sweet dancing Christ was "moop"?

Yeah, I-I-I don't know.

Do me a favor, son.

If you can't use me the way God intended,

at least fill me up with water and throw me off an overpass

so I can say I've done something in this world.

- Yeah, okay. Yeah, Claire!

- What is it? - Uh...

- Do you have a condom? - I-I do, in fact.

All right.

Let's do this, little buddy.

Quit yappin' and slap me on.

Okay.

- Okay, go slow! Go slow!

- Okay. Here we go.

I think...

structural integrity is intact.

All right.

Ah! - Oh, damn.

Oy.

Thank you, Josh.

I won't forget you.

Loretta, I'm coming home.

- We--we should have been doing that a long time ago.

That was amazing.

Yeah.

Amazing.

Hi.

We've, uh--

we've been on a real sexual hot streak lately, huh?

Yep.

- What? What's, uh--

what's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

You--um.

Was it okay for you, or--

Yeah, it was great.

So, did you--

Um, not exactly, but...

It's fine. I liked it.

- No, but-- because I can do some work

on your--down--down--

Honestly, no, it's fine.

No, you were great.

Ugh.

Huh.

And ta-da.

- Den of Bliss. - Yep.

I thought, you know, that could be a cute new thing.

We go in there, peruse their merch,

find something for the old boudoir.

- I don't know, I've never been to one of these places.

No, no, no, neither have I.

That's why I thought it could be kind of fun--

maybe be a bit adventurous, like--

worst case scenario,

we walk out of there with a hilarious story.

Okay, I guess.

Attagirl.

Wow, look at the handcuffs.

Feathers, ooh.

That could be pretty, uh-- pretty freaky.

- Maybe. - Hey.

Can I help you find anything?

You may!

I don't know why I said it like--you--you may.

We are looking for a sexual toy.

- What kind of stuff are you into?

Like, sex--um--

yeah, well, that's-- I'd say we're both