American Dad!

Aah!

According to my measurements,

it's super cold out here.

What did you find?

I don't know,

but I'm filled with professional curiosity.

You've been that way ever since science school.

God, I wonder what it is.

God, quit it, Francine.

Don't spray that crap near me; it's poison.

But it's lemon scented.

It's got vitamin-C.

Let me explain something to you, babe.

This body is a temple.

No, better than that: it's a church.

I keep this baby in pristine condition,

like a classic car.

I thought it was a church.

Vroom-vroom. Vroom-vroom.

This is a 1968 American-made man.

Top of the line.

Gorgeous, ain't he?

All original parts.

I even still have my baby teeth.

Oh, mein Gott!

Speaking of bodies, they found mine!

Your old human body?

I've been waiting for this news for years.

You see, I used to be an Olympic...

Hold on, Klaus.

I'm recalling how Klaus

was an Olympic skier for East Germany in the '80s.

Oh, yeah.

I'm recalling how the CIA kidnapped him

and switched his mind with a goldfish.

I was about to unveil a new ski jump technique:

Da Flippity Flop.

Twice the distance, four times the risk.

I showed it to a ski buddy, who tried it himself.

Hey... hey, it says here

the CIA has taken custody of my body.

I want to ski jump again.

Soaring through the air,

I've never been so happy, so alive.

Stan, please put me back in my body!

Nah, sounds like a hassle.

A hassle?!

But this is my chance to be myself again.

Stan, come on, let Klaus have his body back.

What for?

You've got it made in that bowl.

All you have to do is float around all day,

eat and poo wherever you want.

Your whole life is like the last 20 years of Orson Welles' life.

You suck, Stan!

I'd rather be dead than live like a goldfish anymore!

Someone hand me that DustBuster.

This thing is never charged.

Auf wiedersehen,

cruelich-wurldenplace.

Hey, Klaus!

What up?

Roger, what the hell is...

Holy cow, you really do have a gym up here.

Hey, guy.

Interested in signing up

for a trial membership, Mr. Potential?

No, I don't want a gym membership.

Dude, everyone needs a place

to get their sweat on, am I right?

You know it.

Not to mention the ladies.

Look at those bouncin' boobers, my man.

My man, they are lovin' you.

So, what would you consider to be your long-term workout goals?

I've literally never thought about that in my entire life.

Great answer. Perfect.

Man, I can see you here.

So what do you think, sign up for a two year?

Uh, I-I don't know.

I'll think about it.

Of course, yeah, look, I'm not a hard sell guy.

I'm a Christian.

Sign up, don't sign up, doesn't matter to me.

I just want to make sure you have every opportunity

to look and feel good.

Uh, okay.

Think it over.

Health is wealth.

Hey, can you spot me? How much?

I don't know, like 40.

Are you using again, Carl?

: Yes.

All right, well, there's extra in there.

Get me some, too.

Just help Klaus get his body, Stan.

I don't want to hear it anymore, Francine.

The only thing I want to hear right now

is the sweet sound of this Nickelback CD cracking

as I drive over it repeatedly.

Stan, Klaus has been trying to kill himself for over a week.

Please, just put him back in his body.

Fine.

You mean it? Really?

You guys, come back!

Now I want to live!

This is like something out of that Alanis Morissette song.

You know, the one with the video where she looks

even more slightly above average than usual.

Will you shut up? We're not supposed to be here.

Sorry, I'm just excited.

Hey, um, what's going on?

I sent Weitzman out for burritos

and he came back with tacos instead.

Cool.

Hey, I need that Klaus Heisler body that came in last week.

Oh, sure thing. It's right here.

Uh, what happened to all the ice?

Yeah, we needed it for margaritas.

Yech...

: We're getting these girls drunk so we can kiss them.

This is all your fault.

If you had just taken me here last week when I asked you,

I'd be in my body, but now it's ruined.

I'll never ski jump again.

You completely boned me.

Well, usually you de-bone fish, so I did good, huh?

Stan, are you okay?

You have to wake up.

We have to go.

Guten morgen, fish face.

Klaus, you son of a bitch!

You switch us back right...

Oh, God, oh, my God, I just pooped.

Does it just float here?

Why is my mind telling me to eat it?

You have not stopped picking your nose since we left the CIA.

I know, it just feels so good to have a nose to pick.

And you left me so much to dig out.

Nasty.

You know you'll never get away with this.

Oh, yes, I will.

I'm going to enjoy life once again as a human,

and I am going to enjoy watching you live as a fish.

Francine and the kids are never gonna believe you're me.

Oh, I've been watching you for many years, Stan.

I'm sure I can fool them for quite a while.

: Hey, I'm Stan Smith.

I love America, and we're number one no matter what.

Woo-hoo! Yipee!

Okay, I admit it's a pretty good impression.

But once I start talking, they're gonna know...

Hey, Stan.

Hey.

Oh, my God, Klaus is in Dad's body.

What? No, I'm Stan.

Woo-hoo! Yipee!

Klaus, what did you do?

Where's Stan?

Oh, my God.

Listen, I'm sure you're pissed...

Pissed?

You're in my husband's body,

and he's in the body of a goldfish.

: That's hilarious.

Totally.

Stan, I know this may be hard to hear,

but you've been a jerk to Klaus forever.

You had this coming.

Like hell I did.

And how dare you betray me like...

Sheesh, if it were only that easy to shut him up

after seeing The Help.

I get it, Stan, you want a black maid.

Wait, Klaus, why didn't you just switch into your body?

'Cause your idiot father let it sit and rot.

Now it's all gross and decomposed.

It looks like Cameron Diaz without her Cameron Diaz mask.

So when are you gonna switch back?

You obviously can't stay like that.

Of course, of course.

I just want a couple of days to enjoy the things

I haven't been able to do in a while.

Maybe I'll go swimming.

Well, okay, just a couple days.

Don't worry, you'll have your Stan back soon.

You're never getting your body back.

Ever.

Oh, my stars, what a day.

You have new messages.