The Office

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

Sure, can I ask who's calling ?

Just a second.

Jim Halpert

What ? How did you get this number ?

Stalker.

Katy, and Jim, met in the office.

And now I guess they're like,

going out, or dating, or something.

And, uh...

I don't know ! You know, they're just,

she calls him, and they...

You know, I'm sorry, I feel like I'm talking really loud.

Am I talking really loud ?

So we're still on for lunch ? You're meeting me here ?

Okay.

Great. Bye.

Hey.

You can just give her your extension.

Okay.

Howard, slash Ryan.

Ryan Howard is sitting in my office,

and he has been a temp here for a couple of months

and he's kind of gotten, a lay of the land, a little bit.

Had a few laughs along the way, and now he wants to know,

what I think.

The temp agency wants to know what you think.

Shall we ? Let us proceed

First up, proficiency in necessary skills

Aaaaaaa-eeeeexcellent !

Michael's in there right now evaluating the temp.

He hasn't evaluated me in years.

Five years from now, what do you want to do? Where you wanna be ?

Ah, well, I'm interested in business.

Oh. Good, ambitious. Excellent.

- Want to be a manager ? - Uh, no,

Actually, ah, what I want is to own my own company.

That is ridiculous.

Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott school of business.

I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.

Much advice you seek.

Do you know who that is ?

Fozzie bear ?

Mm, no. That was Yoda.

There are ten rules in business that you need to learn.

Number one.

You need to play to win.

But,

you also,

have to win, to play.

Got it.

And I will give you the rest of the, ten at lunch.

Hey.

Michael and I have a very special connection.

He's like Batman, I'm like Robin.

He's like the Lone Ranger, and I'm like Tonto.

And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto.

People !

Okay, everybody...

This is not a test ! Move to the exits !

- Devon, head towards the exits. - Do not panic.

- Safety partners- - Get up off your desks !

Do not panic.

- No, panic is warranted ! This is not at drill ! - Go in a single file line.

- Arms at your sides, arms at your sides. - Please, move quickly !

This is a paper company people...

- ...Step lively! - Go, let's go.

This whole place is a tinder box, it is ready to blow !

This is not a test! Can you leave?!

Oh, you say that every time.

DO YOU WANT TO DIE !?

- Oh, boy... - Do you want to die !?

- OUT !! - Alright, let's go, let's go.

STANLEY ! Have you ever seen a burn victim! ?

- Come on, you're safety partners ! - Move to the exits !

You're safety partners!

We've got smoke ! We've got smoke! SMOKE !

Oh! Kelly! Are you okay ? Don't worry, I got you !

- I'm okay! - Cover your nose and face.

- Breathe through your nose. - Let go of me !

Remove your stockings. Okay?

They'll melt right into your flesh !

Stay below the smoke line.

Let's go! Clear out, stat !

STAT MEANS NOW !

Yes, I was the first one out,

and yes, I've heard women and children first.

But, we do not employ children.

We are not a sweat shop. Thankfully.

And, uh, women are equal, in the workplace, by law.

So, I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.

Another rule of business is being able to adapt to different situations.

Yeah.

Adapt. React. Re-adapt.

Act. Alright ? That's rule number two.

Okay, guys, listen up, we need a head count.

We need to count off. Michael's number one. Where's, where is he?

So what was rule number two?

Ah, adapt, react, re-adapt, act.

Okay, well, let's just kind of take it a little slower.

Oh, hey, Michael. Ryan needs a number for the count off.

Okay, well, one is taken.

Okay, two ?

- NO ! - Ok. Oh, sorry ?

Okay, he can have 14, Margerie isn't here today.

Well, he needs a permanent number, right ?

No, I don't.

Oh, you know what else, I thought of a nickname for the three of us.

The Three Musketeers.

Um, yeah, okay.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I got one. I got one. The Three Stooges.

That's funny too. But if we're the Three Musketeers...

I don't want to be like, a guy here.

You know ?

Like, Stanley is the crossword puzzle guy.

And Angela has cats. I don't wanna have a thing, here.

You know, I don't want to be, the something guy.

Okay, you know what?

I think I'm going to be, setting the agenda here.

Okay? Can everybody gather up please?

Important announcement, very important announcement.

I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us

to participate in some really intense,

psychologically revealing conversations.

So we're going to be playing, desert island.

Who would you do ?

And, um...

- ...would you rather ? - Would you rather.

Would you rather? Is our third game.

Hey guys, great response time.

Listen up, I got some theories, there's a...

Okay, so, three books on a desert island...Angela.

The Bible.

That's one book, you got two others.

A Purpose Driven Life.

Nice.

- Third book. - No.

Okay. Phyllis.

Um, The DaVinci Code.

The DaVinci Code. I would take The DaVinci Code,

so I could burn The DaVinci Code.

Okay great, that is going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds.

Question, is there fire wood on the island ?

I guess.

Then I would bring an axe, no books.

Uh, it has to be a book Dwight.

Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.

Nice, smart.

Hallowed out, inside, waterproof matches, iodine tablets,

beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket,

and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone.

No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash ?

Rule number four. In business, image is everything, Andre Augessi.

This car is an investment.

Right ? If I have to take out a client, or I'm seen around Scranton in it.

I love it, I love this car.

Do you like it ?

Yeah.

Okay, I thought people read more books.

DVDs! Five movies. What would you bring to the island?

Yes, Meredith.

Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding,

Legally Blond, Bridges of Madison County...

Wow.

Legends of the Fall.

Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just-

- Well, I kind of like Legally... - Wait, wait, wait.

Pam, no. Do you understand ?

The, the game is desert island movies, not guilty pleasure movies.

Desert island movies are the movies you are going to watch,

for the rest of your life.

Forever ! Unforgivable.

- I take it back. - Unforgivable.

- I take it back ! - Good.

And Ghost. But, just that one scene...

Is this your car Ryan ?

Wow, those are some pretty big books back there, huh ?

- Good shocks. - Hello, Mr. Egghead

So...oh, Stanley Kaplan, I know him.

'M' is for murder, 'P' is for...

- That's actually a test prep book. - For phone. What ?

That's a test prep, for business school?

Oh, thinking about business school ?

I just got in. I applied, I go at night.

- Really ? - Yeah.

So you think you know a lot about business ?

No, not yet.

- Just started. - Uh huh. Yeah.

Quiz me.

- I wouldn't even know where to start. - Oh, come on.

Come on, egghead. Let's do it.

- Do it. - Quiz me up.

Alright, um,

why have people been rethinking the Microsoft model in the past few years ?

When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant,

to save up money for school.

And I, then I, lost it in a pyramid scheme,

but I learned more about business,

right then and there, than business school would ever teach me,