Chappelle's Home Team - Earthquake: Legendary

July 28th, 1993.

My first time ever performing in Atlanta, Georgia.

My first time ever performing in Atlanta, Georgia.

I was picked up from the airport by a Black comedian in a Lexus,

which was a rare car to see a Black dude in,

especially one that told jokes for a living.

And we went to a comedy club that he was a part owner in.

This is also a unique experience in my career.

Now, the guy was a beast.

Onstage and off.

Offstage, this motherfucker rolled one blunt after another like a master.

And onstage…

…he was like a force of nature.

In fact, he called himself after a natural disaster.

It is my pleasure to present to you guys tonight,

the first Netflix special

that I've ever produced

that I'm not in.

Make some noise for Earthquake in Legendary.

Yes, yes. DC, what's happening?

Goddamn right.

Good to be home, goddamn it.

Good to be home. Southeast DC, that's right.

Ballou High School.

That's what we're talking about. It's the real DC.

They came to me and said,

"We're gonna do this special. Where do you want to do it at?"

Could've did it anywhere in the world.

I said, "No, I want to come home.

I want to come home and see how it is."

And goddamn it, I'm feeling good. I hope y'all feeling good.

I'm feeling good 'cause I got that vaccine.

Yeah. I'm telling you, I got it when it first came out.

The line was so long, it looked like they was hiring.

I stood in that motherfucker.

I'm like, "I hope they don't run out."

It looked like they was running out.

There was this old lady, and she was 89, in front of me.

I just pushed her to the side.

"Come on, Mama, you done lived your life.

You got more problems than this coronavirus.

You're in a wheelchair with crutches.

You're being selfish right now.

You're supposed to be home somewhere getting together with the Lord.

You're being real selfish."

You can't tell Black people you took the shot.

Oh! They look at you like you done sold out.

"You put that shit in your body? Ooh, Lord. Mm-mmm.

Oh! Oh, goddamn. Say it ain't so.

Say it ain't so.

How could you do that?"

I said, "The same way you put that cocaine in your nose.

You ain't got no problem with that eight ball, motherfucker.

But I'm wrong for trusting Fauci.

You get your drugs from a nigga in the club in the bathroom."

You see them smoking a blunt with eight people. Just smoking it.

"Ooh!"

Just passing it around.

"You're gonna take that chance.

But I'm wrong for fucking with Fauci."

I've got a cousin. This motherfucker lives in Michigan.

He done call me and said, "Quake, I heard bad news."

"What's wrong?" He said, "Man, I heard you put that poison in your body.

How could you do it?" I said, "Nigga, you live in Flint.

And you just got out the shower.

You ain't got no problem with that funky-ass water on your Black ass."

I mean, they ought to be ashamed of their damned selves.

I mean, you from DC, you done took more chances than the vaccine.

You know how many women I done fucked with that had a fever?

I was like, "Ooh, you really is sick.

I thought you ain't want to give me none.

I'ma get you some Theraflu in the morning."

"God bless you. God bless you."

I just want motherfuckers to be consistent.

They are-- No, keep that same energy

on all the other symptoms you've got in your body.

Coronavirus ain't the only shit that's plaguing our community.

I want you to be on it. These hypocrites that we got out here--

You got brothers out here been wearing a mask straight for 18 months.

Ain't seen a dentist in 18 years.

Just be chewing on the left side of their mouth.

Knowing they can't fuck with that right tooth.

Brush their teeth in the morning, sink look like a crime scene.

They be trying to hide evidence like they on First 48 Hours and shit.

Kids coming in, looking at this,

talking about, "Daddy, let me get some of them Red Hots you eating."

"I ain't eating no Red Hots." "You are eating Red Hots!"

Phony-ass.

You know it. Stay consistent.

Be looking all good on the outside.

Jordans on their feet, diamonds in their ear. Flawless on the outside.

Inside, blood pressure higher than giraffe pussy.

Type 2, 3, 4, 5 diabetes.

Still standing in line, trying to get a Popeyes chicken sandwich.

Eat four of them motherfuckers. "I don't know why I'm dizzy.

I took a Benadryl."

"Benadryl don't help no stroke, motherfucker.

Everything ain't your allergies, nigga. Everything ain't your allergies."

Left arm be going numb. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, that mean it gonna rain this Saturday."

"What the fuck you mean it's gonna rain this Saturday?

Your arm ain't no weatherman, nigga. Go see a doctor."

You know who they are.

Got car insurance. Ain't got no health insurance.

He all at the club, "Look at my new ride, nigga.

Full coverage, zero deductible."

"What about your liver?" "Oh, I leave that to Jesus.

He know my heart."

Health is wealth.

If you ain't learned shit through this pandemic,

that bag don't mean shit if you ain't got your health.

You know-- You need to know the status of your health.

And the only way you're gonna know

the status of your health is get a physical.

Your president, Barack Obama,

put his whole political capital on the line for Obamacare.

I got Obamacare.

Ain't no way they're gonna put all these hospitals and urgent cares up there,

and something wrong with my chest,

I'm gonna go home, take a nap and drink a ginger ale.

Somebody gonna see me.

I'm just gonna have to owe you.

When Obamacare came out, nigga, I was on that shit.

I filled it out.

Didn't even wait for a policy number.

As soon as they said, "approved," nigga, I ran straight to the doctor.

"Hey, what you here for?" "Nigga, I want a full physical."

They're like, "Who your provider?" I wrote, "Obamacare."

'Cause that nigga cares.

"Now that I got insurance,

I want every test you got in this hospital, from A to Z, nigga.

Don't skip none of them.

I want EKG, EGG, pap smear, I want it all, motherfucker.

And I want ultrasound, mammogram, father-gram, leg-gram.

An eight ball. That's a half a gram.

I want all my grams, nigga."

But health is wealth.

You will not know the status of your health unless you get a physical.

Every year, for my birthday, that is my gift to myself.

We still dying of illnesses they done already cured in full.

And it's the scariest shit in the world, because certain people,

you know something's wrong with your body, but you don't go.

See, me personally, I would hate for something to be wrong with my damn body

and I never, ever do nothing about it, and then I just let it go and go.

And then finally be rushed to the hospital, and the doctor like, "Ooh.

If you'd have got here three weeks ago, that shit was just in your ear."

"Where's it at now?" "In your foot."

"How long I got?" "Tomorrow."

It's the scariest shit in the world. I get a physical every year.

This year was no different.

Doctor came in. I said, "How am I doing, Doc?"

He said, "I got your lab result back.

Everything is looking good. You just have one minor discrepancy."

I said, "What's that?" He said, "Your PSA is high."

I said, "What's that?" He said, "That's the indicator of your prostate.

You being a Black man, prostate cancer is prevalent in your community.

What I need you to do is go back and see the reception,

make another appointment, come back.

I'm gonna do a prostate exam along with your physical.

I'm running behind about a month and a half.

I should be able to get to see you then."

I'm like, "Fuck that, nigga. We doing this shit today.

I got Obamacare, nigga. Put that shit on the bill.

Let's run that shit up before that Republican-care come."

He said, "You want to do it today?" I said, "Yeah, I want to do it today."

So I start rolling up my sleeves.

Yeah, he laughed just like that.

He said, "No, we don't do no prostate exam like that."

I said, "How you do it?" He said, "We do that with a rectum exam."

I said, "Well, I don't think I got that on my Obamacare."

I said, "I don't think Barack would do that shit for me."

He said, "Just go in the other room. There's a gown behind the door.

Take your clothes off, put the gown on and come back out. We can do the procedure."

I'm gonna tell you all right now, my people from DC,

I have been rich my whole life.

And I'm not talking about monetarily.

I'm talking about rich of the blessing of my God.

Been on this earth 58 years.

I have never spent a night in a hospital.

I have never had no surgery.

I ain't never had no broken bones,

other than this wrist right here riding that raggedy-ass bike my daddy gave me.

So I don't know shit about no hospital.

So when he told me to go take my clothes off and put the gown on, I did it.

And I put the motherfucker on.

But it was too small. It wouldn't close.

So I stuck my head behind the door and said,

"Hey, Doc, I need a bigger gown. This motherfucker ain't going over my stomach."

He said, "No, you've got it on wrong. Turn it around."

I said, "I'll be damned.

I know I'm wearing this gown right."