Dom and Adrian: 2020

This is the Dom And Adrian 2020 documentary,

take one.

And action!

ADRIAN, V/O: The year is 2020,

and while everyone we know is getting married,

buying houses and having kids,

my best friend Dom and I

are actually doing something with our lives.

And we have a documentary crew following our rise to fame

as superstar USBJs.

DOM, V/O: We were killing it until we'd signed on

to play a drought-relief bush doof

when the bushfires hit.

ADRIAN, V/O: Then we were booked to play

a bushfire fundraiser when the floods came through.

DOM, V/O: And then we were gonna headline

a flood relief dance party

when the hailstorms fell.

Oh, get fucked!

And now all that dogshit's out of the way,

we have booked our best gig yet -

a panel-beating fundraiser at the North Bondi Bowling Club.

Time to teach these basic Bondi driveway-hosing,

lotto ticket-buying dickheads how to fucking party again.

What the fuck is COVID-19?

..97 additional cases of COVID-19...

- Heavy. - Fucking hell.

This is so surreal, Dom!

You do realise this is going to wipe out

thousands and thousands of our future gigs?

Are you seriously worried about gigs right now?

Do you not understand the severity of this?

This will be the death of fashion labels

and music festivals worldwide.

Fuck.

This is all about the mental battle.

We've just got to stay positive.

I am not moving in to any of my dad's places, OK?

Brah, I will never leave Bondi.

I am Dom from Bondi,

my identity is tethered to this postcode.

I've lived in Rose Bay once.

That's gross.

I'll never go through that again.

Yeah, this is gonna be tough,

but you know what else is tough? We are.

When you graduated from Cranbrook

with nothing but a trust fund

and two apartments in Little Bay

that your dad bought off the plan, did you give up?

No.

When you turned 30 and he cancelled your credit cards,

did you cry about it?

Yeah, but...

..only for like a fortnight.

And where is your dickhead of a dad now?

He's running Macquarie Bank.

Exactly! Meanwhile you went on

to start four failed fashion labels,

promote seven nightclubs, collect 175 lanyards

and pour the best goddamn three-quarter almond latte

I've ever had in my life.

- Goddamn, Dom, you're right! - Yeah, I'm right.

All we need to do is pivot, create and evolve.

We're stuck inside, but so is everybody else.

And so we just thought we'd take advantage of that.

So we're going to live stream our USBJ sets

and take donations.

But a percentage of profits go to charity.

Oh, what charity?

And what percentage of profits?

Roughly give or take, about, um...

- ..100%. Yeah, about that.

But it's a really good cause.

Those profits go into helping struggling Bondi locals

pay their rent to stay in Bondi.

Hey, Becky! Hey, Angus!

Hey, Dad, can you fuck off?

It's bad enough that you came to all my dance recitals.

I don't want your presence at my live-streamed Insta gigs,

thank you very much, and bye!

- Nose beers. - (SNIFFS) Woo!

Hey, guys, what did you think of the gig?

Yeah, fun. Well done, guys.

Well done. Good stuff.

Yeah, cool.

Are you guys blowing out or what?

We sold our Bondi place and bought in Thirroul,

but it's a bit stressful

with bridging finance and stuff.

- Oh, yeah. - Sounds basic.

We're at our investment property in Terrigal,

we're home-schooling the kids...

- Sounds brilliant. - ..working from home.

We've had to put the wedding back,

a bit nervous about having...

Oh, my God.

All that stability must be so fucking oppressive.

Stoked we're not them. That'd suck.

Yeah.

Dom, are we... Are we getting too old for this?

What? No, man.

No, no. Fuck, man.

My dad studied, like, ten years at medical school

to become a doctor, and for what?

You know?

My whole life he's been saying, "Have a back-up plan,

get some investments, get a real job."

And none of that shit matters now, you know.

This is like...

..ground zero.

Oi, how are we gonna pay rent?

Our sunglasses brand, Throwing Shades.

Irrelevant.

Our beach towel brand, Dry Hard.

Irrelevant.

Our Thai fusion food truck, Thai Hard.

Irrelevant.

Our Thai Aussie fusion food truck,

Thai-me Kangaroo Down Sport.

Super irrelevant. Rolf Harris is a pedo. Next.

Fuck. Irrelevant.

Really?

People are still going to want content

now more so than ever.

Nobody's got the time and energy

to be offended by identity politics

when they're dealing with an actual fucking problem

like a global pandemic.

Dom, I fear you are grossly underestimating

the collective hatred for straight white males.

Thanks for coming down here, Debbie.

What is it that couldn't be handled with a phone call?

DOM, V/O: Fucking real estate agents.

Name another industry where the client must eat the ass

of the service provider?

Seriously, Debbie's been jacking our rent up

by $20 a month since 2004

and now the market's finally collapsed

so it is her who must eat our asses.

- We want a rent freeze. - Please.

The owner won't do that.

But they got the mortgage freeze, so...

They don't have a mortgage.

Well, then, they can pass the savings down to tenants.

They live off the rent,

and the rent of their many other properties

so if you're struggling with paying the lease,

then you should just access your own super.

Access my...

Debbie, I'm a fucking freelancer,

I've never had a steady job, never paid a cent of super,

and quite frankly never expected to live past 33

so who's got the power now?

Still me.

How come?

Because I'm a fucking real estate agent.

- Sorry, Debbie. - Sorry, Debbie.

So find the money.

Tax debt.

Parking fines.

Mobile upgrade.

6G is here!

Being a grown-up sucks, man. It's just endless admin!

No-one prepares you for this shit!

Don't worry, Dom. It's just a warning. She can't evict us.

Hey, um, Dad.

You know how you always used to tell me

I should get a real job and some mortgages,

and investments and shit?

So you got a real job?

No, no. I just don't suppose you wanna take back

any of that shitty life advice

now that capitalism is on the verge of collapse?

You need money. How much this time?

No, I don't.

I am doing just f-

Where are you?

I know you're not at home

because there's not a single angle

that isn't a spectacular 360-degree view of the Harbour.

I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

Are you at the Palm Beach house?

No. Listen.

Are you at the other, other house?

No. Adrian...

- Are you at the alpaca farm? - I'm in a bunker, Adrian.

What? In a bunker?

- With who? - Colleagues, friends.

Look, I've had to pull a few strings,

but there's a spot here for you.

You don't have to go through this on your own.

No, I'm not on my own. I'm with Dom.

He can't come.

Cool, good chat. See you, Dad!

OK, look, I'll transfer some money.

Dad, I'm 33 years old.

I do not need your money, thank you very much.

You're 37.

OK, bye.