Detectives These Days Are Crazy! (まったく最近の探偵ときたら)

Hey, old dude!

Seems our agency's going bye-bye!

Oh, really? It'll be gone soon, huh?

24 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down

Okay, no more being flippant about this. What are we gonna do?

I mean, it's not like I have anyone to borrow the money from.

Well, if it's come to this...

Detectives These Days Are Crazy!

Detectives These Days Are Crazy!

Nagumo Dons the Haori

Nagumo Dons the Haori

Ninjas of the modern age face a looming beast of steel

in a challenge we call Sarutobi!

Total Victory earns them three million yen!

An obstacle course like that will be a cinch for you, Big Sis.

Forget the prize money. I'm going for a new record.

Entry #1: Nagumo Keiichiro-san.

What? You're entering, too?

Oh, hell no. Not me.

I messed up!

I registered in his name out of habit 'cause that's how I sign our business receipts!

What are we gonna do? Is it too late to correct it?!

Yeah, it's way too late for that.

If the old dude enters, he'll only break the record for fastest disqualification.

Aw, c'mon. I can at least get past the first area.

This sounds like a job for...

Humanity B-Gone

This! We'll power him up with my Humanity B-Gone.

Humanity B-Gone

Nice one, Azuha-san.

I want to stay human, though.

What should we do, Big Sis?

Since it's come to this...

The first stage entails clearing seven areas in 100 seconds.

Get the slightest droplet of water on you, and you're out!

Up first is self-proclaimed detective, Nagumo Keiichiro!

Illustration

This just took a super weird turn.

It seems like more of an indoors-y sort of occupation, but just look at those shoulders.

Nagumo, how are you feeling about this challenge?

Huh? How am I feeling?

I'm! A! Detective!

His nostalgic gag has the venue roaring!

This man is ready and raring to go!

Surely even Big Sis ain't gonna be able to do much in that state?

Wonder what she'll do.

First, the stepping stones.

Self-proclaimed detective, Nagumo, approaches with care.

Wow! He does a handstand spring!

It's as if he's imposed a restriction on himself as a handicap.

Is this man a baboon or an orangutan?

Oh, my! His face is awfully red.

Illustration

Is that a sign of rising voltage?!

Next up is the revolving pillar area.

If he hits any of the pillars, he's sure to take the plunge.

And there he goes!

Oh, no! Self-proclaimed detective, Nagumo, is out.

No, not yet.

Wait, no! He didn't fall!

Can you believe that muscle strength?

Is he Cup Sumiko-san doing a steroid-induced armor evolution?

But is Nagumo all right?

A Stone

That's not a death rattle I hear, is it?

I'm starting to think they can pull this off.

I'm not sure Mr. Nagumo's still alive, though.

Nagumo Keiichiro is running away with this contest.

He's blasting through the obstacles.

Is there no one who can stop this man?

They're totally gonna pull it off!

No, they're in trouble.

Huh?

They've only done areas you can get through with your hands so far,

but next, it's...

Last up is the trampoline area,

a tough challenge requiring challengers to jump across to the net on the other side.

Ten seconds remain.

Uh, Mashiro.

Run, old dude.

But...

Just do it! Go!

Okay, then.

Not even close!

Do you know if Mr. Nagumo can swim?

Don't underestimate Mashiro-chan.

Hi-yah!

H-He made it!

Not sure what's going on with his arms, though. Is he okay?

I can't, old dude. I'm gonna drop you.

That was awesome, old dude!

Would you join me in the back for a moment, please?

Ah.

0 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down

Landlord, please! Anything but that!

12 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down

12 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down

Producing Nagumo Detective Agency

What the hell? Was this always here?

Oh, that? Asunaro left it behind the last time he was here.

Said he started making his own merchandise.

He was babbling about how they sell so well and plug his business.

Takes some nerve to make your own merchandise.

For real. I guess when narcissism becomes toxic,

it manifests in disgusting ways like this.

Hey, watch it. You'll crush its head holding it like you're about to pitch a super-fast sinker.

Still, that's an idea!

We can make our own merch and use the profits to pay your overdue rent.

Don't be dumb. Making merchandise also takes time and money.

We need a more reliable method.

Hold it right there!

You can leave all the business stuff to me!

I've got all kinds of connections.

Connections, huh?

Are we talking actual business or yakuza "business"?

Look, I'm good at producing stuff like this.

Let's make some merch.

Nagumo Detective Agency Production Plan

Boobie mousepad of Big Sis Mashiro

Make Cerberus our poster cat

An original theme song

My plan involves these three ideas:

a boobie mousepad of Big Sis Mashiro,

making Cerberus our poster cat,

and our own theme song.

What? M-Me on a mousepad?

They'll fly off the shelves.

What's a boobie mousepad?

Putting the mousepad aside for a moment...

What do you mean by "poster cat"? Like what some cafés and stations have?

People can't resist cats, y'know.

What's a boobie mousepad?

What good would making a theme song do?

What's a boobie mousepad?

Things you hear stick with you longer than things you see.

And no better time to make one than the present.

I wonder what a boobie mousepad is.

There's not? Really?

Google it, dude

Making the Boobie Mousepad

Wait, this is way too embarrassing.

Your confidence is that low?

Well, no. It's not as if I lack confidence.

I mean, I don't think my figure's that bad,

and I work out, so I can confidently say I'm fairly fit, but...

Gosh, if you're gonna plead like that, I guess I'm not totally against it.

Don't look like you're itching to say stuff, but you don't wanna get throttled,

so you'll just say whatever to flatter me!

Also, aren't mousepads pretty expensive to make, anyway?

Don't worry about it.

I still have some from when my group made 'em before, so I can get 'em cheap.

Well, that's good to know.

So you just need to go get your picture taken at one of those ID photo booths.

Got it.

I'll put in an order with the supplier to print them.

He only suggested it so he could sell off the leftovers his group dumped on him.

The mousepads are ready!

Oh, wow. I'm still a little embarrassed.

I'm gonna open it.

Three, two, one.

There!

The End

What is this? A face-shaped tumor?

Where'd you get this photo taken, Big Sis?!

I'm broke, so I used the copier at the convenience store.

For your face?! Did you put any stat points into intelligence or shame?

Not only that, but the design's upside-down. The boobs are on your head.

What are these, malignant tumors?

Well, what's done is done, right?

You sound like a delinquent about to have a shotgun wedding.

Making Cerberus a Poster Cat

Safety

My Town's Poster Cat Neighborhood Cat The poster cat of a store in my town

My Town's Poster Cat Neighborhood Cat

If you're lucky, you might get to meet our poster cat

Oh, so these are poster cats, huh?

They're so cute!

Get him to do some tricks or something, and all eyes will be on him.

Are there any tricks Cerberus can do?

He occasionally coughs up hairballs that look like tumbleweeds.

No one's gonna be into that.

There's nothing special about this moggy at all.

So should we make him stand by the front door or what?

Well, he's not in a very photogenic state right now.

That's why we're gonna give him a little makeover.

We'll tidy up that shaggy hair,

hide those narrow eyes behind sunglasses,

and put an old detective coat on him to create the mood.

I'd like to put him in a basket, but we don't have one, so we'll use a box.

Done! I call this "Meowlock Holmes"!

Uh...

Pretty shameless for such a shabby-looking thing.

This ain't the circus, dumbasses!

What?

Is he a stray from some oil-producing country?

W-Well, I guess we'll go with this for now.

Making an Original Theme Song

I'm actually a musician, so I can write a song.

I bet you got into music for the most frivolous damn reason.

My vocabulary sucks, though, so I can't write lyrics.