Smart Girl

Hello. We just fired the butler. What can I do for you?

Does Mr James Reynolds live here?

Yes, but he's rather busy.

You're sure there's nothing I can take care of?

I am ..

No. I'm sorry. You see, I'm ..

I say. You aren't going to cry, are you?

I'd like to.

You know, if I knew you better I'd let you cry on my shoulder.

But since I don't, why don't you just say it and get it over?

Are you a bill-collector? - No.

You can come in then. - Wait.

I'm not a bill-collector. I'm worse.

I'm a process-server. - You're not, really?

Let's see you do it. - What?

Don't you pull out a paper or something?

Yes, but it has to be put on the person who's being served.

That person is my father.

Well, come on.

It's a bit quiet with the servants gone. - Why did they go?

They insisted on being paid.

We're very hospitable anyway.

I was having some caviar. Would you like some?

Caviar? - You know. Caviar.

If you sit down, I'll get you some.

Thanks, but I really don't care for any. I'd like to see Mr Reynolds.

He's in there. He'll be out in a minute. Then you can pop up and nail him.

Mr Courtland .. James Reynolds speaking.

Hello Reynolds. What's on your mind?

I've been trying to reach you all day, Harry. You've got to give me an answer.

Sorry. I thought I gave you my answer last week.

I'm not asking too much of you.

I pulled you through with half a million.

A hundred thousand would tide me over.

I've got to have it by noon.

I'm sorry, but I can't take a chance with your present financial conditions.

You mean you .. won't come through?

I see.

I ..

Alright.

Even the caviar is gone. Did you see father?

No.

Then you didn't serve your papers?

No, I didn't.

You know, you don't look at all like a proper process-server would.

In fact, you're kind-of cute.

Would you like to marry me? - I would not.

Suit yourself. I just thought I'd ask.

You see, I'm getting sort of fed up in this place.

Do you have an apartment?

Yes. - Do you live alone?

Yes.

I'll come and have dinner with you some time.

How old are you?

Twenty-five. - What?

Twenty-three? - Come again?

Alright, I'll be twenty-one next month and that's the truth.

If you don't mind, Miss Reynolds, I came to see your father.

You don't need to get huffy about it.

Can you make coffee?

Well, can you? - Sure.

That settles it. Come on.

Miss Reynolds, I didn't come to make coffee. I came here to see your father.

You can make the coffee first.

Quite a kitchen. - It gives me the creeps.

It's awful having a kitchen and no servants.

Can you work this thing?

Maybe.

I don't know what you do. Just push something or pull something.

It's a mystery to me. - I think this is what you turn.

What? - You turn that. See ..

It works. You're a genius. Wait, and I'll get the coffee.

Miss Reynolds asked me to turn on the stove.

Pat, are you in there?

I got it. On the top shelf and everything came down with it.

Pat.

We're making coffee. Get the percolator. - Who's that?

Yes, he came to collect something.

You're a bill-collector? - No.

Excuse me, this is my sister Kay. What's your name?

Nicholas Graham. - Nick came to see father for some cash.

Then you are a bill-collector?

No. No, I'm a process-server.

A summons? Did you serve father?

Not yet.

Kay, will you please help me find the percolator?

I don't know anything about this kitchen.

Is this it? Can you make coffee in this?

No, but I can make some in a pan. - Let's get him a pan then.

This pan is alright.

You got a tablespoon? - Yes, here's one.

Now, let's see you make it.

You know, you really are marvelous. What are your other accomplishments?

I am studying law. - You're going to be a lawyer?

I hope to be. - I like lawyers. Let's adopt him, Sis'.

Don't pay any attention to her. - Who has the spoon?

Here it is? - How much do you make now, Nick?

Fifty dollars a week.

Fifty dollars a week. Just think of it.

I'm afraid you'll have to learn how get along on much less.

Don't you be so sure. I'm going to save this family from starvation yet.

Hey .. did you happen to know that even this house is mortgaged?

It is? How do you know?

I listened in on an extension. - You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I am.

You could even open up a grocery store. - No, I would eat up all the profits.

We could start a livery with all the cars we have.

How many have you? - About seven I think.

Yes, that's right.

That's tough. Why don't you sell some?

I don't think the finance company would like it.

I knew it was blown or something. Wait, I'll get ..

It's alright.

Gee, I'm sorry. It was all my fault. - Pat is enough to distract anybody.

I'm glad you were here.

So am I.

Sounded like a shot.

Father.

Pat, what is it?

Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to realize that these are all Objets d'Art .

Collected by the late James Reynolds.

Thanks.

Here, ladies and gentlemen. Here is a chair.

A chair that the late James Reynolds sat in.

What am I offered? - Three dollars.

Three dollars?

Isn't it a shame? All these lovely things going. It's such a sacrifice.

Yes.

Say, just a minute. Come here.

Ask the auctioneer to put these up right away. I want to bid on them.

That isn't for sale.

Why not? Did you buy it already? - No. It just isn't for sale.

My dear young lady, don't ..

Don't talk such nonsense. We got here a public auction, ain't we?

I don't care nothing about the book. I'm only interested in these sketches.

See, that's my business. Hats.

I'd like to know the artist that made these.

I know the artist.

You know where he lives? - Yes.

Has he got a telephone number?

Is he in the telephone book? Really, I am .. I am serious.

I would like to meet this man. - I think I can arrange it.

What's your name?

You wouldn't remember. Wait.

I'll write it down for you here.

Karl .. Krausemeyer.

How is my hand? Can you decipher that?

Sure.

Please now, don't just say yes. Please have the artist call.

You won't forget will you? - No. I won't forget.

Splendid. What is your name? - Patricia Reynolds.

Patricia ..

Your father.

I'm .. I'm so sorry.

It's alright.

I wish I could tell you how I feel about all of this.

Thanks a lot. As long as I know you're sorry, you don't have to tell me.

I'm not really sorry for you. About the sale I mean.

You're not? - Certainly I'm not.

What have you got to worry about? - Plenty.

I've had everything I wanted all my life.

If you ask me, that's the worst thing to happen to a person.

You're quite a philosopher, aren't you?

Yes. I guess I am a bit.

Privation and suffering brings out the best in people.

Perhaps I don't want to suffer.

A bit of suffering won't hurt anybody.

Suffering brings two people closer together.

What two people?

Any two people. I mean, well ..

If you had everything the way you used to ..

There are people who ..

I wonder if maybe we had better go in. - I shouldn't wonder.

You can't always trust people at auctions.

Item number 429.

It's being brought forward for your inspection.

Now this, ladies and gentlemen ..

Gee, it's ghostly and awful in here, isn't it?

It was a beautiful room when I first saw it.

You may sit down. We must wait for Pat.

We can't let her see you alone.

Would you like a cigarette? - That might help.

Thanks .. anyway, the moon is coming up. I liked it better without the curtains.

Is that Pat? - It looks like her.

Pat. - Yep?

Where have you been?

Just looking around for things that aren't there.

Nice of you to look after Kay, Nick.

It's just that I .. - I know.

Give me a cigarette, will you?

Thanks.

Fun going to the Poorhouse, isn't it? - You're not going to the Poorhouse.

I'll have to look in.

Thanks.

That's funny. - What?

I was going to turn on the radio. That's all.

Someone will have the surprise of their lives when they try to play it.

Why? - I broke the tubes in it.

Pat, you didn't? - I did.

You don't carry a harmonica around with you, Nick?