Shameless

I'm raising five kids and I didn't miss last week.

What's your excuse?

- Carl! - Mickey's gay, and we're doing it.

I need to see you. And Kash shot Mickey because of me.

Put the candy back.

But Mickey would rather go to juvie than admit he's gay.

Mickey's out soon?

In a week. If he doesn't stab anybody else.

- I miss you. - Say that again, I rip your tongue out.

- What the hell is this? -It's an admissions packet.

For West Point?

I'm off for my walk. I might even make it to the mailbox.

One hundred!

How was last night with Jasmine and Grandpa?

He's married, she's married. Seems like it works for everybody.

David has a friend coming in from New York. Maybe I could hook you two up.

Liam had me up half the night banging his head.

- I need my own room. - And I want a pony for Christmas.

What you doing here? - Came to see Karen.

She went with a guy to her group.

- What group? Sex Addicts Anonymous.

You Lip?

Jody.

Ninety-nine, 200...

...201, 202, 203.

Hi, Manny.

Hi, Theresa.

Frank!

Wake up!

Frank, come on, I have something wonderful to tell you.

Hurry. I've had an epiphany.

Do you know what this is?

Eggplant?

Liberation.

No, no, no.

Rebirth.

- Not with all the king's Vaseline. - Freedom.

- That won't fit. - Frank--

Fuck you, Gallagher!

I made it all the way to Manny's produce truck today.

Two hundred and fourteen steps.

I went to just do my extra 10 steps and then I saw the eggplant...

...and the rows of beets, and the organic squash...

...and I just kept going.

Manny's pushing organic now?

- This is just the start. - The scourge of gentrification.

Next he'll be hawking that coffee grown in cat shit.

Frank, I am shopping.

I am part of the economy.

I am myself again. Here we go.

Today, a grocery truck.

Tomorrow, the world.

It's over.

I always thought agoraphobia was permanent like autism or AIDS.

She'll be out in the world, she'll go back to work, she'll learn the truth.

You're an alcoholic? - Who owes money to everyone?

- Who's had sex with her daughter? -It's not sex if you can't remember it.

- Ha, ha. Then you're a virgin, Frank. - I'm gonna be out on my butt in weeks.

Why don't you live at home with your family?

I don't like them. And they don't like me.

Frank squatted at my place for six months.

I finally bought tear gas. Smoked him out.

I gave myself crabs to get him out.

- It wasn't the crabs, it was your empty fridge. Ha, ha, ha.

Laugh, laugh. If laughing at me is good for your self-worth, laugh on.

My gift.

Kev. - Yo, Antoine.

Hurt me with some rum.

Delivering meals on drunk wheels again?

- Only one delivery left. - Go do it and come back.

My last delivery is to Dottie Coronis.

- I can walk there from here. - What's wrong with Butterface?

- Don't call her that. I haven't seen her in a while.

- Why is she pretending to be sick? - She's hiding her face till Halloween.

God gave her one hell of a rack and legs to die for though.

But her face...

- You're all going to hell. - What's wrong with Butterface?

She had chronic indigestion.

From her steady diet of bourbon and dick.

She got it checked.

Discovered she had a bunch of heart attacks.

Her heart muscle is toast.

Months to live unless she gets a new one.

Shit. All those years of paying into a city pension...

...and no one left to collect.

Frank.

Liam, if you want a Popsicle, show me your hands.

Liam, hands off your package or no treat.

Touching it is his treat.

I need my own room, without Liam.

I'm late for work. Carl, quit it.

I can't share a room with someone in a constant state of arousal.

- I'm gonna be a woman soon. Hey. Enough.

Frank's been gone for months. You move into Frank's room...

...Lip takes yours, Ian and Carl share with Liam.

Frank will be back. In bed by midnight. No exceptions.

Here he comes. You didn't have to come with me.

Bad neighborhood. - We live in a bad neighborhood.

But we're related to the bad people in our neighborhood.

What the hell's he doing here? Hey.

He thought I needed protection.

Oh, yeah? You may think you know my sister.

But you don't know my sister till you've fought my sister.

- She's protecting your ass. - You smell like barbecue sauce.

Smell like what? - What did Dad tell you?

Ow! Fuck the police? - No titty twisters now that I'm a C cup.

C cup? Bitch, you wish.

Hey. Fuck you, fuck you, and especially fuck you.

All right. Jesus. Let's get out of here before they throw you back in.

Who the hell is it?

It's Frank Gallagher, Dottie.

Get off my property. - I brought your pasta primavera.

Eat shit, Frank.

Well, I would, but I recently went vegan.

Honestly, Dottie, Antoine told us your news.

I've had some health setbacks myself.

Wanted to tell you the crew at the bar's thinking of you.

Thought I'd bring your dinner over, tell you in person.

- No lasagna left? - I grabbed the last one he had.

Enjoying your night?

I'm watching one of those "fat people hate themselves for being fat" shows.

Makes me feel healthy.

I love that show. I hate fat people.

Did you hear a beep?

Guy locking his car.

Look, I'm missing my show.

You mind if I join you?

I haven't showered, and I'm not gonna.

Makes two of us.

And it's not an invitation to stay.

Couch. Fat-people show. Leave.

- I'm not a bed and breakfast. - Roger that.

There you go.

I got the fashion that you want a piece of

- Oh, yeah - So full of passion and so full of love

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

HI make you want a piece of me Again and again

I loved that last song.

- I could be bad, but I could also be nice -Oh, yeah

This is the high life This is the fame

Okay, either he doesn't have a dick, or the dick he does have does not function.

Or the five girls a night who give him their number...

...give him more than their number and the man is just tired.

- Ha, ha, ha. - Desperate whore-wife's back with sugar grampy.

Can you say that with head-bobbing and that finger-snapping thing?

She's a married mother flaunting the geriatric she's sleeping with.

- He's 50. - He looks it.

And he's rich, so work that cleavage and smile.

- Hey, Veronica. - Hi, baby.

- Hi, David. Hello, David. Looking sharp.

Jazz says I'm springing for Cristal or I'm going home alone.

We don't want you to be lonely, do we?

Handsome man like this? No ma'am.

Ooh. - Ah, yes.

Hot as balls tonight.

So I'm taking Geometry, Algebra 2, Trigonometry, Chemistry.

During the summer?

Well, I'm trying to get into West Point.

Heh. You want the Army to give you a gun, all you gotta do is enlist.

Recruiting station's, like, two blocks that way.

But I wanna be an officer.

You wanna be an officer, huh?

Don't officers get shot first?

Here. Shotgun.

Oh.

You make a lot of friends on the inside?

You wanna chit-chat more or you wanna get on me?

Plasma?

LED. Shh.

I saw this footage my daughter shot of me and I broke down.

Nice picture.

- Vibrant. - Can I watch my program, please?

And sit in the chair. I don't want you stretching out on the couch...

...and Rip van Winkling it for the next five years.

I have taken what used to be a nice, normal body and I have stretched it...

Did you hear a beep?

The smoke-alarm battery is dying.

If they find a heart, they're supposed to beep me on this thing.

It means I go straight to the hospital.

They gotta find different sounds for different things. Everything beeps.

Smoke alarms, hearing aids, microwaves, cell phones.

I'm gonna have a heart attack waiting for my transplant.

You got a nine-volt battery? I can change that for you.

In the junk drawer, under the microwave.

- Frank? - Antoine.

I borrowed your keys so I could help.

I went to White Castle and bought this, I thought she'd be starving by now.

She's not. Thank you.

Frank?

I need a lover

Uh-huh

Uh-huh

Uh-huh

I need a man, a fucking man

Whoo! - Huh!

Sorry. Two mudslides and a line of blow, I get grabby.

David's doing a rail. Want some?

Can't. - Can.

You gotta slow down on the work and enjoy the summer.