Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Happy Turkey Day. - Yes! Right out of the gate.

What? What's going on?

We're playing Boyle Bingo, Thanksgiving edition.

Everyone filled out their cards with possible Charles-related scenarios.

First to bingo get 100 bucks.

I had "Boyle calls it 'Turkey Day'" on the center square.

"Boyle explains that they ate lobsters at the first Thanksgiving."

They did. Back in that time, they called lobsters "ocean bugs."

- And... I'll just mark it off for you. - I think got the winning card here.

Boyle tells us that he played Pocahontas in his third grade play.

All the girls were too big.

This is a fun one... "Boyle says, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble.'"

Well, now that I know you want me to say that,

I'll just say it with two gobbles.

Gobble, gobble...

Gobble. God, it just sounds right that way.

Ugh. I don't like this game.

Ha! "Boyle objects to Boyle Bingo."

- Come on, guys. - Boyle says, "Come on, guys."

That's two for Terry.

Well, guess what. I can spoil your little game

by sitting over here quietly all day and doing nothing.

- Oh! - Aah!

Anybody have "Boyle falls on the floor?"

- (Jake) No one? - That's a victory.

That's a victory for Boyle. Boom!

Boyle says, "Boom!"

Season 1, Episode 10 "Thanksgiving"

Check it out, chair jockeys.

While you were busy tickling the ivories on your computers, I was doing a bust.

Cocaine!

Thanks, Lucius.

He ran, I pursued.

Whole thing turned into an awesome car chase.

- Aah. - NYPD!

Come on. Move, move, move.

Hey there, criminal. It's me, Johnny Law.

Well, at least you're done early,

so you have time to go home and change for my Thanksgiving dinner.

Ugh. Why do we have to dress up for Thanksgiving.

I don't even celebrate that stuff.

The whole holiday is based on overeating.

We should be wearing velvet track suits and diapers.

Jacket and tie.

Rosa's even wearing her formal leather jacket.

It's the one without any blood on it.

You're gonna dress up, and you're gonna

give a toast about what you're thankful for.

Start preparing.

Oh, I prefer not to prepare for my toasts.

I just wing 'em like scat jazz.

- Are we singing? - No, no, no, no.

OK... That's nice.

You don't have to...

I'm not dressing up for your party.

Damn it, Boyle. You left the fridge open.

The door couldn't shut because of your empty pizza box.

Pizza? Please. This is a butternut squash and truffle butter flatbread.

Everything's spoiled. My lunch is ruined.

My chicken, my potatoes, my pasta, my meatballs,

ham, my yogurt.

- Wow, that's a lot of yogurt. - I love yogurt.

So this is your lunch for, like, the month?

I need to eat 10,000 calories a day to maintain muscle mass.

My wife made me all of this before she left town with the kids.

That was everything in my fridge.

- Scully. - Hey-a, Sarge.

I know you got a secret stash of food hidden somewhere.

- Oh, no. - Where is it?

- No, I don't. - Is it in your pockets?

Oh, come on.

I'm gonna shake it out of your pockets. Turn around.

Sarge. Sarge!

Go limp, Scully.

This is fun.

Release your sweets.

Can I help you, Santiago?

Oh, Captain, didn't expect to see you there.

In my office?

So, I just wanted to make sure that

you knew about the Thanksgiving dinner I'm hosting for the squad after work.

Yes, I received your "Save the date" decorative gourd,

your ornamental cornucopia,

and this beautiful handcrafted card of a turkey wearing a top hat.

- It's a pilgrim's hat. - Where's the buckle, Santiago?

The buckle.

My husband's out of town for work, so of course I will attend your dinner.

Cool. Whatever.

Yeah, don't worry about it, either way.

It's not a big deal.

- Yes! - Why so excited?

Did you make the cover of "Hair Pulled Back" magazine?

The captain is coming to my party.

I'm gonna give a toast, tell him how thankful I am to have him in the precinct,

and officially ask him to be my mentor.

Wait, are you only hosting dinner because you wanna suck up to Holt?

Not cool. This was supposed to be about friendship.

You said you were only coming to see if my apartment was the reason I was single,

or if it was my personality, like you suspected.

Yeah, but that was before I knew I could get up on this high horse.

Love the view up here.

Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop.

Same to you, Your Honor.

- Oh, what judge were you talking to? - That was my mother.

You call your mom "Your Honor"?

She's a federal judge in the Ninth Circuit.

- What else would I call her? - Yeah, okay.

Captain, paperwork is all done on that drug bust.

- What else you got for me? - Nothing. All open cases are assigned.

Come on, there's gotta be something I can investigate.

No, there's nothing.

All right, well, when there's nothing, there's nothing, you know? What can you...

Whoa! Who did that?

Don't worry, sir. I will stay here all night figuring this out.

I know what you're up to here, Peralta.

Damn straight. I'm trying to catch the mad paper scatterer.

You want an excuse to skip Santiago's Thanksgiving dinner,

because for some reason, you refuse

to celebrate this holiday like a normal person.

Fine. You're right. I wanna do what I do every year -

Sit at home, watch football, and eat mayo nut spoonsies.

Those are spoonfuls of mayo, sprinkled with peanuts.

That's revolting.

Maybe so, but it's what I invented when I was six

because my mom was working, so I had to make dinner for myself.

My sad story trumps your insult.

Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake!

Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake!

Thank you, Boyle.

If a case opens up, it's yours.

But if not, you will be at Santiago's as a professional courtesy. Dismissed.

From what? I thought we were just chatting.

We never chat anymore.

Oh, my God, Amy, that's so cool that you still live with your grandmother.

I live alone. This is my stuff.

- I like quilts. - Stop. Each sentence is getting sadder.

It looks like you live on the set of Murder, She Wrote .

Well, I gotta say, it's not as bad as I thought it would be.

I mean, the football game's not on, so I can still watch it later at home.

And it's kind of cool to visit a time before electricity was invented.

I have to practice my toast.

- God, how long is that? - Eight pages.

- Single-spaced? - Double-sided.

- Santiago style. - Mm-hmm.

Hey, excuse me. Can we please eat?

My body is starting to digest itself.

Terry needs nutrients.

No eating until the captain gets here.

- Okay? Sorry. - Don't apologize.

I'd rather spend Thanksgiving at your house than with my sister.

"Things you find a the beach."

- For "S", I had seagull. - Good one, Diana!

- Ice cream break. - Yay!

Yay.

It's so pleasant and boring.

But, Holt, at your house, surrounded by these idiots?

Guaranteed train wreck. Thanks for the invite.

He's here! Okay, he's here, everybody. Be cool.

Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?

Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.

What...

- Captain Holt. - Happy Thanksgiving.

Your apartment was very easy to locate.

Thank you so much. You look beautiful.

Weirdest conversation ever.

Nice work, you two.

Before we eat, I'd like everyone

to go around and say what they're thankful for this year.

Fine, I'll go first.

I am thankful that Thanksgiving only comes once a year.

People stuff themselves, and then at midnight they

run to appliance stores and trample each other to death.

It's a garbage holiday.

I'm sorry, I just get emotional when I talk about how bogus Thanksgiving is.

I'll just go.

- I actually prepared a little something. - You did?

When I was a little girl, playing cops and robbers...

Excuse me.

Please. Continue, Santiago.

- Or I could wait. - No waiting, just toasting.

I want you to toast. Now I wanna eat toast.

- Give me some toast! - (Holt) OK, I'll be right there.

- I have to head back to the precinct. - No. Why?

Someone stole $10,000 from the evidence lockup.

Yes! Oh, awesome.

- Why is that awesome? - It's a case.

You said I could hop on any case that came up.

It's a Thanksgiving miracle.

Have fun, you guys. Let's roll!

You'd think that one place money would be safe is a police station.

I hear that.

Remember when Santiago called you beautiful?

Yes, that was odd.

We need to get this money back, the exact bills,

so the commissioner's office won't make our lives hell.

What is this?

Uh, this is Terry dancing.

People do the weirdest stuff in the evidence lockup

when they think no one's watching.

Fast forward, fast forward, fast forward.