Mystery of the Wax Museum

Well, well, my friend, this is an unexpected pleasure.

- Come in. - Thank you.

How do you do?

I wouldn't think of disturbing you

but the friend I spoke to you about

is leaving town tomorrow to supervise

- some new excavations in Egypt. - Oh, yes.

He was most anxious to see

your collection before going away.

- May I present Mr. Galatalin. - Why, this is a great pleasure.

I've heard so much about you.

How do you do?

Follow me, gentlemen.

My... my children will become conceited

that so distinguished a critic

has thought them interesting enough to review.

Splendid.

Joan of arc. Beautiful.

It's a pity to race through such an exhibition.

And here is Voltaire.

One might almost expect him to speak.

I wonder what he'd say after all these years.

Oh-ho, you would be astonished.

He is more difficult now, to those in authority

than even the records show.

Oh-oh, he is a very stubborn person, I assure you.

- Stubborn? - Oh, unbelievably.

For days I argue with this fellow

before I get him just as I want him.

But always, I triumphed.

And few people triumphed over monsieur Voltaire.

And here, gentlemen...

Here is something that pleases me...

Although of no historic importance.

It was done because I love to model children.

You will note, gentlemen, the line of the shoulder and...

You have no right to hide such genius in a side-street museum.

Oh, you are very gracious.

These things have some merit, I suspect, but, uh, this...

Will you come this way, gentlemen, please?

This, I am convinced, is fine.

- Marie Antoinette? - Yes, sir.

Beautiful composition.

Even those delicate veins and the texture of that flesh.

I never saw anything more exquisite.

But, tell me, where did you begin to model in wax?

In my native country, at first, as a hobby.

He has a great reputation as a sculptor.

Oh, you are very kind, sir.

However, I was commissioned to come to England

and at the completion of my work

I turned my mind more seriously to these

because it seemed to satisfy me more.

I felt I could reproduce the warmth

and flesh and blood of life

far more better in wax than in cold stone.

If you will Grant me the privilege,

I'd like to submit your work

to the royal academy when I get back.

Royal aca...

Oh, you will have won the undying gratitude of all of us.

Is that not so, Marie Antoinette?

I regret that I have not the time

to give to your exhibition now,

but I'm going to worry the life out of you more when I get back.

It will always afford me the greatest pleasure to welcome you.

I feel I must apologize again for coming

and disturbing you at this late hour.

Oh, not at all. It was a great pleasure, I assure you.

- Good night, sir. - Good night.

- And I'm very grateful to you. - Not at all. Not at all.

Thank you so much for your visit and your encouragement.

- Good night, Ivan. - Good night.

My masterpiece, my Marie Antoinette.

You heard what this man, who is very celebrated,

what he say of you?

Oh, yes, of course. You would say that.

You always told me so, of course.

- Hello, Worth. - Hi.

Hello.

What are you doing here so late?

I came back to get some of the books.

I'm trying to straighten out the accounts.

I don't hope to impress you, but I might as well

tell you we haven't a farthing.

that is unfortunate.

You're right, it's unfortunate.

15,000 pounds it's cost me, and you say it's unfortunate

as though I spilled soup on my vest.

Well, your money may be very well invested, one never knows.

Something important may come of all this.

Something important has got to come of all this.

You know, the rent on this place isn't paid?

- Is that a fact? - No.

I'm lying to amuse myself.

Now, look here...

I have an idea that will get us out of all this.

- Huh? - You and I have absolutely no money,

but we have got this.

- Fire insurance. - Yes, insurance.

That's our way out.

You know that a fire in this place

will give us 10,000 pounds?

A fire?

Is this your idea of humor, my friend?

I want the money back that I've thrown into this rubbish heap.

You're asking to burn these people?

- You are asking to destroy... - I am not asking you anything.

- I'm telling you what I'm going to do. - You think I'll permit this?

You've got to permit it.

Whose fault is it if people don't come to this place?

Yours. All this artistic nonsense.

The museum at Walston Lane does well enough.

And why? Because they have Jack the ripper, Burke and Hare,

the mad butcher, the demon barber of fleet street,

and things that people pay to see. That's why.

And they are welcome to them.

To perpetuate such scoundrels is to celebrate their crimes.

Well, whether or not, what do you think I'm in this for?

A match. A cigar stub, even.

And you and I have 10,000 pounds to divide between us.

You are insane.

Oh, no, I'm not insane. Not at all.

Let me show you how easily it can be done.

Wait, Joe!

Anything new, doc?

Nothing we didn't tell you this afternoon.

The coroner confirmed our opinion.

- It was suicide. - Gee!

That'll make a swell story. Come on.

Hello, is that you, Tim?

I'm sorry, Tim, but I've got to have that tonight.

I've got to have it.

No, I tell you, I need it right away.

Who's on the gate down there?

Joe? Well, then you can get it out, all right.

I'll send a truck right down there.

Oh, the harness bull's okay.

I straightened that out this afternoon.

Yeah.

New year's Eve ain't what it used to be.

You know, this is only the second one tonight.

- Times sure are tough. - What happened to this one?

Oh, her husband slapped her full of lumps.

Said she talked too much.

What's that?

Embalming fluid. It makes them jump.

Ain't that just like a woman?

Always have to have the last word.

As I live and breath and wear spats, the prince.

You've been doing experiments with scotch and soda again, huh?

Now, where'd you get that news item? From a little bird?

Yeah. Have a pleasant vacation?

Charming. More delightful people crippled.

That's fine.

Consider yourself crippled, financially.

See if you can jar your charming friends loose for enough to eat on.

Meaning what?

That you're a sure bet to place

in the bread line.

There's no room on this rag

for the purely ornamental.

You're easy on the eyes and pretty conceited about it.

Is mama's little dumpling getting tough?

I'm through clowning, Florence. You're all washed up. Get out!

What do you mean, you poor ham, it's new year's!

We get out a newspaper just the same.

Did you ever stop to think of that?

Is it my fault if nothing happens?

What do you mean, "nothing happens?"

Look down there!

Out of that insane mob, you say nothing happens?

There's a story in every person down there.

What must I do? Circulate among them and say,

“I beg your pardon madam,

would you tell me the story of your life?"

Of course, getting newspaper stories is none of our business.

You're through. Get out. Get out. Go on, get out.

You're fired unless you bring back a story

for the next edition, even if it's only

a new recipe for spaghetti!

I thought I told you to keep out of here.

I know, I won't bother you, but I'm all in.

My nerves are all shot.

Your nerves aren't the only things that'll be shot

you sneaking rat, you've been talking again! Out!

Give him a bag.

Thanks. Thanks.

Come on.

And understand this

you get nothin' more from me until you show me something.

And the next time you talk out of turn,

you're gonna have bad luck.

- Understand? - Thanks.

- Happy new year, Ambrose. - Hey, miss Dempsey.

I don't know how they're ever gonna settle that heavyweight

argument while you're around.

- Hello, boy. - Hiya, girl.

- Hello, sweetheart. - Oh, hello.

How's your sex life?