Wee Willie Winkie

But, Mommy, if we're in India,

where are all the Indians?

They're not the kind of Indians

we have in America, darling.

What kind are they, then?

These are the real Indians.

The ones back home were called Indians by mistake

because when Christopher Columbus discovered America,

he thought it was India.

Then is grandfather an Indian?

No, dear, he's an Englishman,

a colonel in the army.

You know that.

Then why doesn't he live in England?

Because Queen Victoria transferred him here.

Will we live right in Grandfather's house?

Why, of course.

Then we won't have to worry anymore

about the butcher and the grocerman?

No, darling.

Too bad we didn't get acquainted

with Grandfather sooner.

Look, Mommy, there's an elephant!

Are we going to ride

the rest of the way on an elephant?

Oh, no, dear, I hope not. No more questions.

Mrs. Williams?

Yes?

This is Sergeant MacDuff of the Seventh Highlanders.

Why does he wear that petticoat?

Hush, dear.

Colonel Williams sent me to meet you, ma'am.

Oh, thank you.

Will you come this way, ma'am?

There you are, missy.

Oh, my baggage!

I have a trunk, two hat boxes--

Oh! And my mandolin.

Mandolin?

You better come with me to identify them, ma'am.

Can I come, too?

No, dear. You wait here.

Excuse me, sir. Please, Mister,

but is this where the circuses come from?

Yes, Missy Baba, very hot day.

Uh…

Hey, Mister!

You dropped this!

Priscilla!

- Where's Missy Baba? - Yes!

- Priscilla! - Ay!

Priscilla!

Hey, Mister. You dropped your necklace.

Hey, wait a minute.

Our rifles, lee-metfords.

Where did the thieving Bhatan get them from?

Khoda Khan.

Khoda Khan!

Caught him, Sergeant.

Huh! Wait until the colonel hears about this.

Take him to headquarters.

Better follow me, ma'am.

But what's a talisman used for, Mommy?

It's a sort of sacred charm, dear.

Keep it, lassie, and hang it round your neck.

then they say no harm can befall you.

Will harm befall him, that man, Khoda Khan,

now that he hasn't got it anymore?

Oh, plenty of harm.

Don't fret your little heart.

That's a bad, bad character, Khoda Khan…

like the robbers in your fairy book.

Like Ali Baba and the forty thieves?

Yes. Now, no more questions, Priscilla.

Are there many ladies living at the army post, Sergeant?

Not many ladies, ma'am.

It's a difficult place to live, even for a soldier.

Mr. MacDuff, is a sergeant

higher than a colonel?

Not this side of paradise.

Your grandfather's the commanding officer

of the whole caboodle here.

Is my grandfather nice?

Well, uh…

I can't say that he's exactly nice,

but, uh, he's a grand soldier…

And I have every respect for him.

The-The men call him Old Boots.

Old Boots?

Why do they call him that?

Well, because he sleeps in boots

like he used to do in the old days…

when a man had to be ready for emergencies,

day or night.

- Sergeant MacDuff-- - Priscilla.

Mommy, I just want to ask Sergeant MacDuff

one more question.

How do you keep the mosquitoes

from biting your knees?

Mohammet Dihn!

Blasted parlormaid!

Dihn!

Well, them women is here.

Fetch the luggage.

Is that Grandfather?

Mohammet Dihn, luggage!

Come on! Luggage! Luggage, Dihn!

Grandfather?

Bagby…

fetch the luggage.

Here. Sit down, ma'am.

Look.

And I presume you have no recollection

of riding across the parade grounds

like a blasted maniac on a buffalo?

Oh, was it a buffalo?

Bugs!

I've told you before, Brandes--

your antic behavior,

your irresponsible attitude

is conduct unbecoming an officer.

It sets a bad example to the men.

This is not Mayfair

or a tea party on the Thames!

You're on probation, Brandes.

All privileges revoked for 30 days.

Dismissed!

I'll, uh, I'll tell him you're here.

Hello.

Is my grandfather always mad like that?

Your grandfather?

Oh, not always.

Only when he's disobeyed or…

or thinks he's disobeyed.

How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

- The ladies are here, sir. - Oh…

splendid, uh…

Good man. Thank you.

Splendid.

Yes, I must see them, I suppose.

I must report, sir,

that Khoda Khan was arrested in Raj Pore, today, sir.

What? Khoda Khan himself?

Caught red-handed, sir, with a dozen of our rifles.

Must have been 100 of them in Raj Pore.

Out of all the thieves, why the devil must they arrest

the biggest blackguard of the lot?

It looks bad, sir.

Bad? Having Khoda Khan under lock and keys

is like holding a tiger by the tail!

- I'm sorry, sir. - Sorry!

The whole country will be up in arms!

I think I'm going to call you "Coppy."

- "Coppy?" - Priscilla!

But why?

Because of your hair.

It's like a shiny new copper penny.

I imagine it is pretty awful.

I like it. Don't you, Mommy?

Well, uh…

yes, of course.

Might I ask, are you here on a visit?

No. We expect to stay.

Oh!

Did you really ride the buffalo?

Why, yes, I--

What was it like?

Well, riding a buffalo is like…

Didn't you ever ride a buffalo?

Well, come on!

Climb on, and I'll show you.

- Oh, no, I don't think-- - Now hold tight! Whee!

- Oh, Priscilla! - (laughs)

Oh.

Mrs. Williams?

Joyce, Father.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

I, uh, I trust, uh…

I trust you had a comfortable journey.

Yes, thank you.

- Now, uh… - (Priscilla yelling)

Uh…

- Whoa! - Hey!

What the deuce is all this?

That must be Grandfather.