Honeycrisp

You just said you turned

left not right. - Well I'm turning around now,

so it doesn't matter it's fine.

- Okay, okay. - But I'm on a road

and I'm driving past cows.

Okay yeah, there should not be cows.

- Literally nothing up here, I forgot.

- Yeah, it's kind of in the middle of nowhere.

Are you, what did you say?

- I said it's kind of in the middle of nowhere.

Okay are you on the gravel road?

By gravel do you mean?

I mean gravel, I mean rocks, Greta.

Okay yes, I am on rocks.

It's not paved, so I'm assuming that means it's gravel.

- Yes. - Okay.

Yes.

- Alright. - I'm on that road.

- Okay turn right off-- - You want anything

from the gas station,

'cause there's a gas station. - Oh my god.

- I'm going to stop at the gas station.

Do you want anything? - No, Greta just get here.

Are you having fun with that?

It's a good workout.

Where's your fucking car?

- I parked it out by the vineyard, I just bought it,

and I didn't want to get it, you know,

I didn't wanna mess up the tires.

- Yeah, alright. - Or suspension, or whatever.

- Sure. - I don't really know

a lot about cars, but I just didn't wanna fuck it up so.

Okay.

- Hey. - Hi.

I like the purple.

Thanks.

It's pretty.

Thank you.

When did you get it done?

Few weeks ago.

- It's nice. - Your hair looks nice too.

It looks the same but thanks.

Um, when'd you get up here?

10 o'clock, like we agreed, last week.

Oh.

When, how?

I texted you last week.

Oh.

Sorry I've been like really swamped with work

and stuff and it's--

It's fine.

I've already got a bunch of stuff done

and cleaned up so, we won't have much left to do.

Cool.

It's nice to see you.

- Joe. - Joe.

- Um, from what I know, he doesn't really do anything

but sit at home and watch YouTube videos torture porn.

Torture porn?

- Yeah, like he's really into people's, like,

dicks getting off or like split open,

or like dicks and blood,

and I don't know,

it's, it's really gross and weird.

- My question for you now is how do you know that?

I might hang out with him sometimes.

Not like that?

Do you watch like dick torture porn

with him? - No!

I'm not going to watch dick torture.

- Oh Hannah, please. - I do not.

You so do.

You're so into it. - Just because it's on

while I'm in the room does not mean I watch it.

Why is it on when you're in the room?

You have to be watching it.

I don't know, we're just hanging out

and he just watches it.

- It's not Frank Sinatra, it's not background music.

- Yeah. - I don't know

what his deal was, he was the nicest guy.

I just always thought he was so creepy.

He was there, slutty Sarah Miller

has babies, a husband, and a house,

and she lives down the block form our hold house.

Crazy.

- Really? - Hm-mm.

- I thought she would of like moved, gotten out.

I thought she would have been like

living in a motel or something.

She asked me if I was still seeing John.

You're not still seeing John, right?

Mm-mm.

- I mean, I didn't know. - No.

We don't really talk about this stuff.

Mm-mm.

Sadly I'm totally 100% serious.

He came home from like a work event or something,

I was sleeping, I roll over in bed,

and he had just opened up

like the second drawer in my dresser

and was shitting in my sweaters.

And they were all from like J. Crew, too.

Oh my god.

Jesus, this is still cold.

Okay yeah, that's burning my hand off.

No.

Oh shit.

Ew.

Okay that's disgusting.

- I think that it's a lost cause at this point.

How about you?

Um, kind of, in a way.

- No, Mark from like - Yeah.

- high school, Mark? - Yeah.

He was making edibles in his parents basement.

That's actually really embarrassing.

But mostly hilarious.

Kind of hilarious.

I totally would of bought edibles from him.

- Oh me too, I'm sure they would of been like

totally under priced.

I might be having to use this information in my book.

You're writing a book?

Yeah, I'm writing a book.

Sorry.

You're drawing owls?

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

Why weren't you at the funeral?

I just um, I didn't feel comfortable

and figured people were going to be

asking a lot of questions I didn't want to answer.

- You don't go to your own parents' funeral

because you were afraid

of having to answer people's questions?

- I really just didn't feel comfortable going.

I didn't think I was ready to, um, handle a lot of that.

I mean, you know I take things very hard,

I'm a very emotional person so.

I didn't think I was ready to deal with

all of that at one time.

All of what?

Like, um, our parents dying? - Oh you know.

- Hannah, Hannah you got to get up.

Smell my coffee.

Get that shit out of my face.

It's 8:30, you got to get up.

8:30, god, go the fuck away.

- I really, really, really want to go on the boat

'cause boats are cool and like, rich people have boats,

and I know our boat's kind of shitty

but we could take it across the lake and steal another one.

I want to take the boat out, get up.

Mm-mm.

Let's get in the boat.

We'll go to like, - Quit it.

- Hot Topic. - I'm not fucking with you.

- You want to get in the boat and go to Hot Topic?

No.

We'll get in the boat

and we'll go to a punk concert,

and we'll scream about our feelings.

Come on, wake up.

If you don't get up I'm gonna

shove my fingers through your gauges.

10 more minutes.

Get off, come on, listen.

Greta!

There's a hot girl in the living room.

She's naked and she wants to show you her tattoos.

Come on get up.

No go away.

- Come on, get up, come on, come on, come on.

Fine, I'm getting up, god.

It's delicious, let's go.

Come on.

You're so annoying.

No, no, no, come on.

This is ridiculous.

Please.

Get up.

You're so gross.

- Come on, will you please just get up.

I really want to

get on the boat. - Fine I'm fucking getting up.