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The word "nepotism" is defined as...

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The term originated when Catholic popes and bishops

used to give their nephews

important positions in the church.

Get it... Ephew", "nepotism"?

Nepotism is what

this country was built on...

In politics, sports, entertainment,

and even the manufacturing of affordable duck calls.

But if you're not lucky enough to be hooked up like that,

you have to do it all on your own,

which can be tough.

So I learned to work twice as hard

to get what some of those nepotized people

had given to them.

And eventually, the hard work I did paid off.

So I appreciate everything I got

because I know I earned it.

It built my character, and I want that for my kids,

which is why they won't be using my connections

to get any shortcuts in life.

- Oh! Dre, thank God you're here. - Mm-hmm?

If Zoey is ever gonna get into college,

she is gonna need you to use your connections

to hook her up with an internship.

What?

Zoey waited too long to find a college internship,

and the only way she's gonna get one is if you help her.

What?

Well, why didn't she ask me for my help?

I was gonna text you about it.

I just got caught up with something.

Uh, Dad, uh... can you help me

with that thing Mom's talking about?

- Look at her, Bow. - Mm-hmm.

She expects everything to be handed to her

on a silver platter.

But if she wants something,

she's gonna have to go after it on her own.

Just like I did, Dad.

I wanted a job, so I went and got one.

Nice!

You're now looking at the newest team member

- of Pizza Possum. - Huh.

The premier kids' arcade,

playland, and possum-themed eatery.

Junior, what does this have to do

with what we're talking about, hmm?

Uh, everything? I segued into it.

I even used some of the same words you use.

Don't pay him any attention.

That is wonderful that you got a job.

- I'm proud. - Thanks, Mom.

Hey, Zoey, I can pull some strings

and get you an internship down at The Possum.

I would not even want to own that place.

See? No work ethic. Complete bum.

Well, Dre, she needs something that looks good

on her college application, and quick.

Uh, I feel like we got off of my thing too fast.

Okay, Junior, enough, all right?

We get it. You have a job that nobody wants.

Hey, look here. You're a big shot.

Why can't you get her an internship at the hospital?

You don't think I tried?

Yeah, if you could just give her something really small,

I'd really appreciate it.

I'm sorry. Who are you?

R... Uh, Rainbow Johnson.

We've done like 300 surgeries together?

I saved your mother's life!

Hmm. Seems like I'd remember that.

Dre, you have so many connections.

Why won't you use them to help her?

Because they are my connections.

I had to hustle hard to get my hookups.

All for Dad, none for you.

Got it? Good.

Let's roll.

You don't even like red Gatorade.

I don't need to like it.

I got hooked up because I am a trendsetter,

a taste maker...

and a hustler.

Dre, you got hooked up

because you got rear-ended by a manager from BevMo.

All I'm saying is that if Zoey wants an internship,

she's gonna have to put in the work and get it herself.

Let her get her own Gatorade like I got mine.

Mm.

Ugh!

Should have taken the money.

They offered you money?!

You've been at Pizza Possum for two days.

Why haven't you hooked us up with prize tickets?

We have 20.

We're gonna need about 500,000 more

if we want to get a lava lamp.

I want something sophisticated,

like a hamburger phone or brass knuckles.

I can't be giving out favors willy-nilly.

I'm a valued employee.

They don't just give this to anybody with a vest.

Here, this opens all the token machines and arcade games.

I'll guard it with my life, sir.

Whatever.

If you lose it, use your fingernail.

Give me the key! I want the power.

Sorry, guys, but I can't help you.

He's right. He can't help you.

He's got a new family now... Corporate America.

His mother is capitalism. His father is greed.

- His sister is the bott... - Okay, stop!

Just stop. We get it.

Do not listen to him. I am very proud of you, okay?

Remember, Junior, you are more than just an ill-fitting vest.

Ill-fitting?

You cannot possibly think this looks good.

What is that, burlap?

It looks great. You're great.

So don't listen to anything people are gonna say about you.

Just ignore everybody out there

who's gonna call you "Pizza Nerd,"

"Name-Tag Boy," "Dummy."

Who's calling me that?

And people might be cruel about the way

your mouth hangs open when you're listening.

Ignore those people.

Hold on. Who is saying this stuff?

People.

Thanks, but I think I'll be fine.

Okay.

I've got a job to do.

Oh, boy.

You're "people," aren't you?

It's Mommy's job to be "people."

To be honest, I was annoyed

that Bow would even ask me to help Zoey.

I didn't use nepotism to get to where I am.

Why should my kids?

You're right, Dre.

Nepotism is disgusting.

I mean, whatever happened to good, old-fashioned

strong work ethic.

- Exactly. - Mm-hmm.

Take my little Connie...

Now, he's not just gonna have the CEO position handed to him.

Damn straight.

But... I am definitely gonna be CEO.

Of course. You're my son.

But you are gonna have to work your way up

from Senior Vice President.

Hold up. I worked here 10 years before I became SVP.

He's SVP?

Just of the urban stuff, sweetheart.

I want that, too.

Mm... no, you don't.

I only used nepotism once...

To make out with my cousin.

No, Josh, that's incest.

No, it's not.

We were on Martha's Vineyard,

and she was getting divorced.

Disgusting.

I feel ya, Dre.

I went from working at Pan Am

to slinging burgers at a drive-in.

Roller-skated up to Janis Joplin.

She asked me to hold the onions.

Man, I put a gang of onions on there.

Trying to tell me what to do.

Pan Am and Janis Joplin... Charlie, how old are you?

Between 39 and 72.

What? I wasn't allowed

to see my birth certificate...

Something about my father not wanting me to know who he was.

But the most important thing is

I became something... Junior Account Manager.

I work hard for everything that I got...

My Buick LeSabre, my book of CDs, my TV.

Well, almost my TV...

Only 30 more payments to the rental place.

But at least I can say I don't owe anyone anything.

Except your ex-wife.

And the government.

And that rental place.

And me for lunch yesterday.

Damn.

I owe a lot of people.

Dre, when I die, buy me a headstone, all right?

Don't... Don't let them bury me in the field.

Field funerals aren't fun... Too many flies.

And then it hit me...

All the white guys at work had gotten ahead using nepotism,

while Charlie is still paying off a $17.000 television.

I couldn't let that happen to Zoey.

Before you ask, yes,

my knitting club is making little bags