Hard Sell

I can't do it, Ma. We have to do something.

You can't keep doing this thing where you pretend that everything's okay,

'cause it's not okay. It's not.

We just need to be better.

If we don't do anything, we're gonna just die like this here.

If you don't do this for yourself, then do it for me.

Fuck. Get up!

Walter!

What happened, Ma?

- It just blew. - I... I know, but how?

I was cooking that leftover bacon.

You take the foil off?

- No. - It's okay, Ma. Shhh...

- I'm sorry. - It's okay, Ma. Don't cry.

- What do you think you're doing, Buchanan?

Having lunch.

Your clothes look like they're gonna sprout.

You know, advisors should really deal with the future,

not the present.

- Yeah, well, when students start to vegetate, I step in.

Your future depends on extracurriculars.

Colleges love soup kitchens.

It's time to get serious, Buchanan.

I told you, Miss Parker, it's gallstones.

I'm not gonna have a temperature.

You can't have gallstones. You're too young.

However unlikely, it is happening. It's...

Ninety-nine. You're fine, Missy.

- You don't wanna leave anything up to chance. I could be contagious.

What?

Uh, nothing.

You got gallstones?

I had the flu last week.

Must go around.

Hardy, how's your bowel movements?

- S-standard bowel movements. - Still have the diarrhoea?

No.

It was a one-time thing.

It was a one-time thing.

I don't... I don't even know why she brought it up.

It was a field trip, like, a week ago.

It's a long story. They're normal now.

What about you, Lake?

Well, Mom's in the Turks and Caicos and Dad is in the cemetery.

I'll trust that you are safe to drive yourself?

Yup.

I-I'll see you tomorrow.

Feel... feel better.

Come on, Walt.

Come on.

- Don't feed him too fast. He'll bloat.

He's not.

- I can hear him eating too fast. Walter, baby!

He's fine, Ma. It's okay. Really.

Ma, we talked about smoking in the house, right?

Walt's been moving funny. He's moving funny.

I know, yeah.

I-I'll get him checked out. Don't worry about it.

I could've sworn I made dinner.

Don't worry about it. I ate at work.

No, no, no, I'll whip you up something special.

- You don't have to. Really. - I got it.

Hardy, I don't know what to say.

There's a tumour... pressing on the nerve.

It's back cancer.

Walter, it looks like he's had a really good life.

Like he's been really loved.

That's the problem with dogs: they don't live long enough.

Look, I... I know that you can fix this.

Okay? It's not even a question.

My neighbour, Franklin, had orthopaedic surgery to replace his femoral head.

Walter's half the geriatric he is.

If you're gonna do the surgery, I would do it immediately.

In two weeks, he won't be able to walk.

Okay, and how much... how much will that cost?

Around $10,000.

Is there some kind of payment plan that we can do for that?

- You're doing it wrong. - What's the difference?

There's a right way and a wrong way.

Who cares about a little thing?

I do.

I sleep in this bed.

You're sure you're not just a volunteer?

I volunteer and they give me a place to sleep.

Come on! Really?

Yeah.

Well, what do you do?

I'm a stripper.

Don't take this the wrong way,

but you're way too hot to be in your position.

Stage fright.

Stage fright doesn't really explain it.

I have a cool way to do this.

Alright.

Gonna blow your mind.

Okay, grab my biceps.

Just grab my...

You are not flexing right now. Come on.

I'm not. That's all me.

You don't even wanna see flexing.

Alright, here we go. So on three, pull, okay?

One, two, three.

Not bad.

It's kinda cool.

Kinda cool? That's awesome!

I'm here by choice. To answer your question.

So you're a psychopath.

That figures. Typical.

- I see you've met our most unspoken visitor.

Well, not yet, actually. I'm Hardy.

Nice to meet you, Hardy. Bo.

- I need to steal her for a second.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, could you...?

Oh, you wanna steal her right here?

- Yeah. Give us a little... - Okay.

- Thank you. - I'm not... I wouldn't...

This guy in the rec room, same dude...

I think he'll be back.

Don't believe what he says.

I don't want to, but the things he's saying are pretty heavy.

You're one of the good guys, right?

Yeah.

Just stall for me again, please?

Okay, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna get outta here, that's what I'm gonna do.

- You don't have to do that. - It's okay. Thank you.

Alright, I think that's it for me.

- Where you going? - Home.

Where's home?

East.

That way.

It sounds nice.

It's just... it's totally nice. It's... cool.

Do you think I could maybe come home with you?

They're out of beds for tonight, so I'm kinda stuck.

Really?

Why not?

Well, you could be, like, a psychopath,

a crazy psychopath, for one. - Is that right?

Or, um, I could be, like, a totally mean rapist.

Opposed to a really nice rapist?

I could just be a rapist. That's all I'm trying to say.

I could take you.

Okay.

- Yeah? - Yeah...

Sure, why not? It'd be fun.

Just don't get the wrong idea.

I think I already have the wrong idea.

That's Walt.

Hiya, Walter.

You're a cutie.

Oh, God, you didn't tell me we were having company tonight.

- Look at me. - You look fine, Ma. You look good.

Bo, Ma. Ma, Bo.

- It's nice to meet you. - You, too.

Bo's a stripper.

He... he always had such an imagination.

I bet.

Bo's going to stay for the night.

- If that's okay with you. - Okay. Of course it's okay.

You're the first girl Hardy's ever had over.

That's not true. Come on.

So...

...how was your day?

- Shit. - Ugh. Shush.

Not in front of your girlfriend, honey.

- Oh, we're not... - Unless...

No.

Okay.

- You don't go to Hardy's school, do you?

No, I'm out of school. I'm currently looking for work.

Oh, I know that's hard.

What line of work were you in?

I-I told you, Ma.

- She's a stripper. - Well, you have the body for one.

Thank you, Lorna.

So are you two wearing protection?

Come on, Ma, come on!

In this economy, you never know.

That doesn't even make sense.

What does the economy have to do with wearing protection?

It has everything to do with it.

Raise a kid in a decline? No, you don't!

The economy's not responsible for everything we do.

- He's just mad that he got canned this week.