Men of a Certain Age

Hey, good morning. Glad to see you.

Hey.

I'm in the right place, right? Free car wash?

Yeah, pull up and, uh -- you know, it might be a minute.

Um, you can leave your car with one of our technicians

and take a look around the showroom, if you'd like.

Oh. Knew there had to be a catch.

Oh, no. No pressure.

Uh, have a cup of Joe.

All right.

Didn't know you were with us today, Daddy.

Lot of salesmen on car-wash duty.

A lot of salesmen building relationships with customers.

I see.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

No, I don't.

I saved me a pot o' gold at Thoreau.

You can't stop watching it either, huh?

Uh, no, no.

It's just...this would have been better if I'd had more time, that's all.

Oh, own the brilliance, dude.

Since those commercials hit the air,

this place has been humming.

You want to drive to lunch or should I?

Unless that's your up.

Terry: Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's my up.

Lawrence, why don't you take it?

Really? The month ends tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Don't hurt yourself.

You're getting cocky.

Eh, the universe will give me what it wants to give me.

I thought you were off the pot.

Can you believe this stupid machine?

Ate up the whole security tape.

I don't know.

Yeah.

I'm telling you, my old man's driving me crazy --

just sits there in the corner like a stuffed bear.

His head doesn't move,

but I can feel his eyes following me everywhere I go.

You got to cut the guy some slack.

These old dudes -- they don't retire well.

Just not good with free time.

Aah, damn it.

You okay?

Yeah. Whoo.

My tooth is sensitive.

Every time I drink cold water, it just -- it shocks a nerve.

Oh, man, it hurts like crazy.

So, why are you drinking cold water?

I know, right? Why?

It's like -- you know what it is?

It's the pimple that it hurts every time you touch it.

You still got to do it.

No, but damn it, it hurts.

How crazy is fate, huh?

Homeless guy knocks your tooth out,

and you get to see Dori again.

Wait. Dori. Uh, blind-date Dori?

Yeah. Yeah, thanks for bringing me to her.

I'm sure she got real turned on

watching me drool all over myself.

Hey, you never know. She is a dental hygienist.

Yeah. You should call her.

No, I'm not gonna call her.

Happy Birthday.

Uh-huh.

And I'll take that whenever.

Thank you.

What's with the muffin? Joe: Yeah, uh --

Yeah, is today your... Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ...Birthday, birthday?

Had to do it, right?

I tell you not to do it, and now look at this.

I got a three-month-old muffin

that's gonna make me crap all day.

All right, here's to hitting the ground running.

Turn 50 today, play your first pro tournament tomorrow, huh?

How many times I got to tell you?

It's not a pro tournament.

It's the prequalifier -- I told you that --

to get into the tournament.

There's 100 guys playing for 5 spots.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You suck. We know.

Yeah, I mean, you almost pussed out, but you didn't.

You're gonna take that great what-if

that's been itching you,

and you are gonna scratch the hell out of it.

Really, I'm good. I'm good.

I don't need or want a pep talk.

Fine. I can't be there, anyway.

But I'll be rooting for you... In my mind.

Why you got to make it sexual?

It's your birthday.

Yeah. I'll be there,

cheering loud enough for the both of us.

Really? Your boss know?

If he keeps selling cars the way he has been,

he can take the whole month off.

Huh. Oh, cool.

Yeah.

Mm. Oh, here we go.

Here we go.

Nope. Hold on.

Don't punch the muffin.

Got a fully enclosed trunk.

Wow. This is a really nice car.

Yeah.

I-I don't think I can pull the trigger on this right now.

Yeah, well, decisions are hard.

I mean, you know, look. You look at those birds.

Think they worry like we do?

No.

When one bird wants to fly away, he just goes.

He doesn't check in with any other birds.

Yeah, he's got wings. He can -- he can just go.

That's right.

Yeah! Whoo!

Surprise! Surprise! Happy Birthday.

Oh, come on, guys.

I tell you, you don't have to get me anything.

Here.

Oh. All right.

What could this be?

Golf balls! Oh, I wish I played.

Look inside, goof.

Oh, you painted them, like you used to.

Oh.

Thanks, Lucy. It's great.

Here.

What'd you make me, lunch?

Is this my dad's?

Yeah.

Uh, last time we were at grandpa's,

I saw his old clubs in the garage, and -- I don't know --

I thought it'd make a good good-luck charm.

So you stole it.

Thanks. Albert, this is great.

Plus, I can always sneak it back after we play tomorrow --

I mean, after we win tomorrow.

Okay, all right. Just don't get your hopes up.

No. You're gonna win.

Yeah, you got to. We don't want a loser for a dad.

Okay. Happy Birthday, Dad.

All right. Yeah, good night.

Oh, shit.

Thanks, Kelly. I really appreciate the extra 30 days.

Okay, bye.

Hey, O, you got a second? Yeah. What's up?

Well, it's just, you know, we, uh, made those commercials,

and, you know, I think, uh --

well, I think they came out pretty good.

Um, I mean, it could have been better. Better how?

I mean, that goofy shit with Lawrence has brought in more traffic

than any spot senior's done in the last five years.

But don't say that in front of him.

No. Wow.

I'm glad that you think that. It makes this easier.

Um...I'm quitting.

Again? Well, no, O, I'm serious.

Making those commercials,

I-I really -- I felt like myself again.

You know, I'm not really built for selling cars.

You're tied for first in sales this month. I know.

Actually, I just sold a Corvette.

Look, I don't want to be the shrink here,

but this is the same shit you've been doing

since the day I met you.

You've got a good thing going on here.

You're looked up to, making a good buck.

You're getting comfortable.

But because you've been uncomfortable for so long,

that actually feels wrong to you.

So you're, um, searching for something new.

That was true in the past, but this is different.

Working here has shown me

how much I can do when I apply myself,

and I really appreciate you giving me that chance.

So do the artsy-fartsy shit on the side

and keep selling cars.

I need you here.

No, you don't. That's the thing.

I mean -- I mean, look at Lawrence.

The guy's on fire. Carl's kicking ass.

Everybody out there, they're kicking ass.

The stuff that you're doing -- that you are doing --

a month from now, you won't even miss me.

You see how good you are? What?

I'm even falling for this shit.

Look, it's just I know myself, right?

And if I hang around, I'll just put all that stuff second.

O...Kay.

Um, I-I knew this day was coming,

but I hoped it'd be 10 Corvettes from now.