The Middle

the teen years-- clothes may change,

The hair may change, what part of the body gets pierced

May change, but one thing doesn't change--teenagers suck.

The crying, the mood swings, the unpredictable behavior...

Axl, you better get up, or you're gonna miss the bus!

I am not telling you again! Get up, get up, get up!

Hey.

You're up. Yeah, I got up early, I am not telling you again! Get up, get up, get up!

I just thought I'd take the trash out to the curb.

Got the paper for you. That's a pretty blouse, mom.

Like I said--

Unpredictable behavior.

okay, I'll search his backpack.

You go over there and very casually check his breath.

okay, don't look,

But he's actually pouring cereal into a bowl.

I said don't look.

What's his game?

You know what? He's 16 now.

Maybe we're through the worst of the teen crap with him.

Maybe he's grown up. Maybe things are finally about to get

A little easier around here now. Oh!

I can't go to school today! My hair is stringy,

My face is too oval, and I have no friends.

Honey, we all have those days.

Why don't you take a sick day? It'll be our little secret.

And not see my friends? Yeah, great idea, mom!

God! It's like you don't even understand me at all.

Okay, I'll tell 'em.

Aunt edie and aunt ginny are on the smoking bus to vegas,

And they forgot to get someone to watch doris.

I'll do it.

How about one of the guys at the quarry? I suppose I could ask.

I'll do it. Or their creepy neighbor with the glass eye?

Thought he was dead. I'll do it!

No, brick, I don't think you will do it.

Why not? Why can't I? Give me one good reason.

Actually, we could give him a whole lot of good reasons.

you forgot to feed me.

I am dead.

Please, can I watch her? Doris is the most fun dog ever.

doris is not the most fun dog ever.

Brick, the problem is that you get distracted,

And you forget stuff, and the backyard

Is too frozen right now to dig a new grave.

But I won't get distracted this time. I promise.

The dog is pretty old.

She dies on brick's watc they can't really pin it on us.

Okay, against all judgment, you can watch doris.

Brick, we said okay.

To what?

Watching the dog.

Doris. The dog.

Oh, right. Great!

Mom, dad.

Listen, I want to talk to you guys about something.

You're gonna have to marry her, and you can't live here.

Listen, I'm 16 now,

And I think we can all agree

That I've proven myself to be responsible.

You took out the garbage once.

And I brought in the paper.

So, you know, I think you guys should consider the fact

That I clearly deserve my own car.

And there it was- -the reason axl was being so nice.

See, ever since axl got his driver's license

A few weeks ago, he'd been chomping at the bit to drive

Every chance he could get.

I need eggs!

I need milk!

I need tampons!

You want a car?

You're gonna have to work for it and earn it yourself.

Yeah. Uh, I had a job.

It sucked. But I still want a car.

So you see my dilemma.

Well, you know, I have a job and a car,

So you see the connection.

you know, if I had a car,

I could take her to the insane asylum.

Sue, what are you doing?

All my clothes are stupid and ugly

And... stupid!

She needs help.

Where did I stash that last bag of Halloween candy?

Oh, right, in my mouth during "grey's anatomy."

I'm trying out for drama club, and I ve nothing to wear.

Nothing!

Drama club. Sounds about right.

All right, that's enough of that.

Stop crying right now.

Okay, mike, why don't you just go? I'll handle this.

Honey, how about I help you find something

To wear to the audition?

Oh, yeah, right, like you kn what's cool.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. We'll find something.

Oh! Nothing that would make anybody like me.

Mom, all the cool kids have citizens of humanity jeans,

And I am the only person

In the entire school who doesn't.

Honey, I believe that it's not at people see on the outside

That makes you popular.

It's what's inside.

You have to let your inner light shine through.

Hold your smile. Keep eye contact.

See if she buys it.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

Damn.

Mom, junior high is hard.

People judge you for every little thing,

If they even notice you at all.

I just want to be judged.

Didn't you ever want something so bad that you'd die for it?

I love you.

Yeah, yeah. Just don't tell your dad how much they cost.

Hey, buddy.

How was the first day watching the dog?

Ohh.

Yeah, I know, "ohh."

You left her at the end of the driveway. Go get her.

Hey, brick, why is doris at the end of the--

He knows. He's on it.

Dad, I got new jeans.

Oh, wow. I like 'em.

No, not these. These are my old, gross jeans.

These! I'm gonna go try 'em on.

Can I see that?

Let me see that.

What? It's a receipt. So what? You don't need to see it.

Is that how it is now, ricky ricardo?

You have to see all my receipts when I come home?

When you dive on it like it's a live grenade, yeah.

I want to see it. You know what? I just don't like this in principle,

Because it makes me feel--well, I'm just gonna say it, mike--

Less than, and I am not less than.

Let me see it. No.

Frankie. No.

All right. If you don't want me to see it,

Then that's your business. Whatever.

Mike! Give I give it! Give it!

No, don't take that! Give me that!

Get your hands out! No, don't read that.

There's a present for you on there.

112 bucks for one pair of jeans?

Well, most of that is tax. Frankie, are you kidding?

Tell me there's another man somewhere that's supporting you.

Okay, mike, I know it's crazy. It's completely crazy,

But this is about sue and her self-esteem. I just gave axl a lecture about how he's gotta work for things,

And you just waltz in and buy her a pair of jeans

That cost more than all my pants put together? Okay, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Good, 'cause I don't.

Look, mike, I know this seems frivolous,

But at her age, fitting in is important.

And if I could do one thing to help her fit in

And look cool, I'm gonna help her look cool.

you guys are not even gonna recognize me.

So? What do you think?

It's just great, honey.

Yep. Money well-spent.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god!

I did not not make drama club.

Oh, well. You'll get 'em next time, honey.

No, I said "not not. " I didn't not make it yet.

I still almost maybe did make it.

I got a callback.

Honey, that's great!

Yeah!

Oh, right. The magic jeans got her a callback.

No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.

The magic jeans gave her the confidence she needed

To nail the audition and get the callback.

Mm. Kind of like that jersey you always wear

When you watch the colts. Well, that's not magic. That's science.

Oh. Hey. I need to meet some friends at pizza pan.

Oh! Right. If someone bought me a car

Like other people buy people jeans,

I guess I could drive myself.

But if you want to play favorites with your kids,

Then I guess I'm gonna need a ride

When you guys go out tonight.

Big drag for you.

Also if I had my own car,

I could take sue to the orthodontist

And look for that dog that brick is definitely going to lose.

I mean, I'm just thinking about you.

Why don't you get that?

Who's that girl waving to us?

Uh, it's nobody. See you later.

oh, come on. Let me out.

Not until you tell us who that girl is.

How should I know? well, she seems very friendly. Hi!

Sure I hi, friendly stranger.

Oh, god, please. Would you just stop?

She's just some girl I've kind of been seeing.

Now let me out, please. See, if we had given you a car, we would never have found out

About this friend of yours. So what's her name?

Where'd you meet her? Kate. School.

She's an excellent student and a good influence on me.

Now can I get out now? Sure. Wait a minute.