black-ish

"A" mark. "B" mark.

What's a hair day?

There are so many different types of hair days.

I feel like when Black women think of hair day,

they think of wash day, they think of sore arms.

Detangling to conditioning to hot oil treatments.

When I was a kid, that meant, like, leaning over a sink

and my mom... like, at awkward angles,

and my mom putting my head in the sink

and running water and shampooing my hair.

What comes to mind for me are the Saturdays,

every other Saturday,

when my mom would take my sister and I to the hairdresser.

Nope.

We're gonna be late!

Diane, what are you doing?

Oh, my God. Are you doing this again?

You don't need a perfect ponytail.

Yaya is gonna be doing your hair in an hour.

Says the woman who Swiffers before the housekeeper comes.

That's 'cause I don't want her to think we're gross.

Okay, let's go.

Get a hat. Get a scarf.

We got an appointment!

Are you really gonna try to cover Black hair in 22 minutes?

- Yeah. - Good luck.

06x11 - Hair Day

Diane, why are you dragging your feet?

You love the salon.

We love the salon.

The salon is our thing.

I thought me stealing your makeup was our thing.

Okay, that's new information.

But we also have the salon.

Mom, I don't like having my hair done,

I like my hair did.

I would say 10 to 11 hours

to get my hair braided in this style.

You literally will go home probably from a headache

because your braids are too tight.

We would go, and there was hair burning

all through that hair salon.

But you know that they say beauty sees no pain.

Well, then, why don't you just look at this as an opportunity

to spend some quality time with your mom?

Yes. Quality time with Mom changes everything.

You know, sometimes I just take out your old barrettes,

and I look at them.

When I was younger, my mom used to always love

putting my hair in two-strand twists

with little bobbles at the end.

Usually, it was a center part

with two pigtails and barrettes on the end.

Most of the time, it was two ponytails

that would end up like this.

She'd put it together on my hair and then put me under the dryer

and took it out and started with the little natural comb,

and we had naturals together.

- Ah, ah, ah, ah. Don't scratch. - Oh.

You got a relaxer coming.

Unless you want that head to be on fire,

you better just pat.

You know when you guys tell me not to scratch,

it itches more.

This is torture.

Torture?

Oh, sweetie, your generation got it easy

with your latex gloves and your Vaseline.

In my day, they'd hold you by the ankle,

dip in you in lye like a candy apple.

That is absolutely not true, Ruby.

You weren't there.

Okay.

Are you guys coming back from an ugly T-shirt contest?

Huh? You know every time I bring out

the 1995 Johnson Family Reunion T-shirt,

I'm about to barbecue.

I've thrown that shirt away like four times, Dre.

I know.

I've dug it out four times, Bow.

- Respect the uniform, okay? - Okay.

I'm about to teach my son how to barbecue.

- Mm-hmm. - We're gonna cook a butt.

Yeah, we're gonna put our foot in that butt.

Technically, son, it's a shoulder,

but I love your enthusiasm.

I love you, baby, but it's been a minute

since you've been on that smoker.

What you gonna do next,

break out the Bowflex?

Remember that?

It's an entire home gym, Mama.

- Yeah, well... - No regrets!

- Hey. - Hey.

- Oh, hey. - Hey.

- How are ya? - Hey.

Hi, Diane. Hi, Bow.

- Hey. - Hi, Bow. Hi, Diane.

Um, y'all are early.

Oh, no, we're actually 35 minutes late, Yaya.

So sorry.

Like I said, y'all are early. So, um, have a seat.

Oh, okay, okay.

The stories in the salon,

definitely, it's like a family environment.

Everyone's talking about their man and their problems,

and it's just funny.

Somebody always comes in, selling, like, fake Prada.

They asked me so many different things

that made me feel like they were just family.

Our mothers would get their hair done also.

So it was always, like, a fun day.

To be able to share things and laugh about things,

and your hairdresser is your shrink.

I knew we could've stopped for a latte.

Here we go, son.

Jack, meet Proud Mary.

Uh, hold up. I thought this was garbage.

Does this look like garbage to you?

I feel like I just answered that question.

Oh, wow.

Proud Mary is looking real crusty.

You sure we don't need a tetanus shot

before we eat off this thing?

Why don't you save yourself the trouble

and get an electric smoker?

An electric what?

What are you gonna do, vape some ribs?

I'm teaching Jack to be a Pitmaster,

and a Pitmaster's job is to tend to the fire,

for without fire, there is no smoke,

and if there is no smoke, there is no barbecue.

Anybody can season meat and put it in an Easy-Bake Oven.

Look, Dad, you know I respect your outdated beliefs.

I don't even say anything when you call meetings powwows.

- Mm. - But electric smokers?

They're the future of barbecue.

You know what? I'll show you.

Let's have a good old-fashioned cook off.

Fine.

Loser puts his hand on a hot grill.

I was thinking more like a trophy

with, like, a little pig on it.

Bet.

Okay, ladies remind me what you're getting.

I'm getting the usual with a little bam on it.

Oh, I-I want the braids with, like, the jewelry in it.

- And... And Diane is gonna get... - Oh, Mom, got this.

- Oh, okay. - Same old, same old.

Just getting my relaxer touched up.

What a relaxer is... it is a creamy chemical substance

which takes kinky, curly hair, and straightens it.

I got my first relaxer when I was 7.

I begged, begged for straight hair.

Getting a relaxer can be very painful.

And you'd sit there while it burned in little, bitty parts,

and then she'd say, "Hold on.

Ba... Just... J-J... Don't be tender-headed."

Oh, Diane, I'm gonna make you look great.

Okay, boo?

Okay, so, are we up soon?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're next.

- Oh, good. - Okay.

Um, let me just rinse out Carol and put her under the dryer

and then I need to dust up Lisa a little bit,

and then I need to get Carol from under the dryer,

and then I got to have a three-piece.

You know what I'm saying.

And then after that, y'all next.

Tha... Thanks, Yaya.

See? We are next.

Diane?

Yaya's finally ready for you.

Boy, you were really knocked out there.

Yeah.

Ms. Yaya.

- Hmm? - It's kind of tingling.

You are so tender-headed.

Okay, it smells like something's burning.

I think my hair's on fire.

You are crazy, Diane.

There's still hair. I still have hair.

Not if I have anything to do with it.

What's wrong?

I'm never putting that stuff in my hair again.

I am done with relaxers.

Okay.

Are you having a hair freakout?

Here we go again.

Y'all ladies really need to start

having your hair epiphanies at home.

- I... I just can't do it. - Okay.

- I-I had this dream, right? - Mm-hmm.

And my hair was on fire and it was falling out,

and the relaxer was trying to kill me.

- What? - I think the dream was a sign

that I need to move beyond relaxers.

- Yeah. - That sounds fine.

Sounds like you're ready for some sort of big change.

Maybe we should go home, have a conversation about it.