Cold Dog Soup

Boy, am I ready.

Ow!

Excuse me.

Psh, jerk.

Did you hurt yourself?

You mean the Nautilus?

Are you kidding?

No, no, you know how to use that equipment,

you don't hurt yourself.

No, no, I'm just, uh-- I'm just a little stiff today.

That's...

that's it.

And what about you?

Did you hurt yourself?

No.

I'm smoothing my bone.

Look good to me already.

Here, feel.

Go ahead.

That is damn smooth.

That's amazing.

That's why I joined this club.

Smooth your bones?

Mm, that and to meet people.

Sure.

-Except most here are gay or have diseases.

Not me.

Nope.

None of the above.

-Would you like to come to dinner?

Well...

-I live with my mother at 3278 West Baldwin.

That's a lovely area.

You'll love my mother.

She's a lot of laughs.

I'm ready.

Yes?

Uh, it-- it's me, Michael.

Come on up, Me Michael.

Just a minute.

Okay.

Hi.

Hi.

Ooh, I love begonias.

- Wow. -Thank you.

You're welcome.

Come on in and meet mom.

That's Jasper, he's been with us forever.

Mother, Michael's here!

You have to be rough with Jasper.

Jasp!

Jasper, lie down.

Mother?

Mother, this is Michael Latchmer.

-Hello! -Mrs. Hughes.

He's from Rochester.

-Rochester! My husband was from Rochester.

Oh, he missed it so after we moved here.

Won't you just have a seat?

You know, before he died, he asked to be buried in Rochester.

I'm not from Rochester.

Oh!

But Sarah distinctly said you were from Rochester.

Yes, that's what you said.

Oh, no, no.

No, there must be some misunderstanding.

-Would you like something to drink?

I'd love one.

Thank you.

My husband died in that chair.

Well, I can sit somewhere else.

Oh, no, stay!

Don't be silly.

I don't mind, and neither would my husband.

He's in Rochester.

- But I-- I thought you said that he had passed on.

-Oh, I like to think that his soul is in Rochester.

He's right over there on the mantle.

Oh!

This is certainly an interesting-color dog you have.

- Jasper is a mix of two terriers: wire-haired and

wheaten.

Go on, Jasper!

Go on!

Jasper just loves olives, particularly in they're stuffed

with anchovies.

The vet says that it's not very good for him,

but at his age, I mean, what difference could it make, hm?

-Oh. Thank you, Sarah.

-So, Sarah tells me that you work for IBM.

Uh, no.

-Don't tell me I got that wrong, too.

- Um, I'm afraid that you did, actually.

Uh, I'm a stock broker.

-Oh! Well, Sarah works for Xerox.

I'm on the repair end.

Yes!

And she was voted the best mechanic in her district,

before her accident.

Accident?

-Oh, a big copier machine, it tried to,

uh, suck her in.

It tried to absorb her.

Mother.

It was rollers.

What-- what went wrong?

-Well, we're lucky that she's still here.

I mean, as it is, they never were able to find her hand.

H-- how did this happen?

-According to the programmer, he said that the machine fell in

love with her.

- It was brain malfunction.

Love.

Brain malfunction.

What's the difference?

-Ooh! The roast is done.

Oh!

Oh!

Uh, c-- can I-- I should help.

Don't worry about Mother.

She goes to bed early.

I wanna be your suck oven.

Can you help me with this?

-Did you spend much time in Rochester?

Actually, I've never been.

I'd like to at some point, but--

Are you certain?

-I think I would've remembered a town like Rochester.

What is wrong with that dog?

Maybe it was the anchovies.

-Oh, no, no, they've never bother him before.

Does he do that often?

No, no, never.

Jasper, stop that!

Jasp?

Jasper!

Oh, S-- Sarah, please, quick, quick,

go call an ambulance!

Jasper!

- Maybe there's some sort of pet ambulance.

I'll try information.

Oh, th-- this is awful.

-Please, please, do something, please.

But what?

I'm not-- I'm not trained!

Well, just don't squat there.

Try to save Jasper, please, please!

- There's no pet ambulance mom,

but I'll try the pound, okay?

Michael, do something!

Michael, save him!

Don't let him-- oh!

Oh, don't let him die.

Please, oh, please.

Oh, this isn't happening.

Tell me this isn't happening.

Please...

-Pound says nothings open on Saturday night.

- Please, oh, do something wonderful.

The kiss of life, Michael!

What?!

Try the kiss of life.

-Yes, do that, Michael, do that, please.

Please, Michael, do that.

Oh, Sarah...

What are you waiting for?!

Please, please...

Mom, it's okay, shh.

Mom, don't cry...

- Oh, Sarah, it's so awful.

- He's just sick, don't worry about it.

Ugh.

- Shh, it's okay, Mom, it's okay.

You call that the kiss of life?

- It's gonna be fine,

it's okay.

- Don't worry, Mom, Jasper's gonna be fine.

Michael's taking care of everything.

-You won't let him die, will you?

Tell me that you won't let him die.

It's gonna be okay.

I've done everything I can.

-Oh, Mom... -Sarah, Sarah!

Oh, Sarah!

Jasp lived a long life, Mom.

-I know, Sarah, I know, dear, I know.

It's okay.

-He did, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

Except we have to just bury him right now.

Okay.

Now?