Romantically Challenged

Trial for robbing a bank.

They found a gun registered in my name.

However, I reported it stolen a week before the crime.

Can you get me off? yeah, I'm pretty sure I can get you...

Nice try, shawn.

So close!

And I'm not gonna say "penal system"

Or "witness box" either.

Ei, rebecca. hi.

Ei, buddy. Did you eat all my pudding?

Well, that depends. Are you angry or impressed?

Man. I needed that pudding.

You know I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled out tomorrow,

That's all I was gonna be able to eat for a week. Well, don't worry about it.

On the way to pick you up from the dentist tomorrow,

I'll buy you some more. Thank you.

You're welcome. Now I just need your credit card number.

What? I'm sorry, man. I thought I had it memorized.

Well, that's so great.

No, I'm so happy for you. Mnh-mnh.

You have a nice life then. (cell phone beeps)

Who was that? You guys remember hot guy david?

yeah. Apparently there's a mrs. Hot guy david.

Sweetie. I'm so sorry.

Eh, whatever.

But on the bright side,

He said our 3-night stand might have saved his marriage. (mouths word)

I-I think that you need to go out with a nice guy.

I think you can do a little better.

All right. Fine. I'll have sex with your sister. (chuckles)

I just said, she can do better. yeah, but in my defense,

You only said, "a little better." (perry) mm.

How about the new waiter guy?

That guy is really friendly,

And he was kinda flirting with you yesterday. Mm?

Mnh. What about that guy?

The guy with the mullet and the churro?

Or as I like to call him,

"the future mr. Guy I had sex with twice."

Please, please just give a nice guy a chance.

please.

All right, fine. I'll go out with waiter boy.

Watch. He'll be here in five seconds.

Five... Four...

Three...

you're early.

So you're sure you know where the dentist's office is?

Yes, perry. I know where the office is.

Oh, and, ei, don't worry

About the dentist fondling you while you're sedated.

Uh, it's probably just an urban legend. Wait. What are you... what are you talking about?

Hein? Oh, I can't hear you. I'm going through a tunnel.

You're-s-bye. What?

What is that?

"dentist." yeah. I know.

Uh... "dentist."

Uh, "dentist" and "dentist."

and... "did you see the post-its?"

no, perry, I haven't forgotten.

Oh, and if I had, uh, there's another helpful reminder

On my car.

Good-bye.

Oh, ei, let me help you with that.

Thank you.

You're very welcome... Melissa... Mac... Barbara...

Sarah. Gonna be my next guess. Shawn.

Ei. yeah.

So, uh, vegan ribs, hein?

You know, I actually find these

More satisfying than the real thing.

I do, too. Are you a vegetarian?

And then some, yeah. mm-hmm.

oh, see you tomorrow, everybody.

Bye! Bye, evan.

Bye, talon, har...

rebecca. What the hell...

lo...

are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be lawyering? I couldn't wait. I was too excited.

How did your date with neil go? Waiter guy?

yeah. Horrible.

Really? Yes. I mean, he was, like, pulling out chairs,

Opening up doors.

He kept offering me his coat.

Ooh. And you didn't try to mace him?

trust me, bec. He was a total loser.

Oh, ellie, your lunch box. Here, pumpkin.

Wait. So you think he's a complete loser,

Because he was too nice to you?

Exactly. (chuckles) I should've known you were gonna do this.

Do what? Blow off a perfectly nice guy

To go back to the creeps you always date. I don't always date creeps.

Mnh. Why can't you trust my judgment on this?

Because the last time I saw you with a nice guy

Was in high school, and he was our teacher.

Please. Just give neil another chance.

Oh... No. No, I am a grown-up,

And I can make my own choices now.

I don't need my big sister making them for me.

ok. You're-you're right. I'll stay out of it. Thank you.

Or I won't.

shawn?

Shawn?

Where are you?

Where are you, shawn?

You're...

You're...

Minutes late.

So I guess the toughest part about being

At the ashram in india was seeing all the beggar children.

You know, I just... I couldn't help them all.

But you came up with that irrigation system.

no, you're right.

I guess I did help them all,

So... thank you.

Oh, my gosh. I totally lost track of time.

I should get these into the fridge. Um... Of course. yeah.

Do you maybe wanna help me bring them back to my place

Or... Uh, sure. I got nothing else to do, so...

ok.

125...

street, please.

Where?

125... street, please.

What?

125... (speaks unintelligibly) street!

You don't have to swear at me, sir.

That you understood?

Hi, neil. I'm not sure if you remember me.

Of course I do. You're lisa's sister.

yeah.

I had the best time on our date.

I called her, but I haven't heard back yet.

yeah, about that, can I talk to you for a second?

Well, I was about to go to the bathroom, but I can hold it.

ok.

Shall we sit? Sure.

Oh... That's very sweet. What a gentleman.

So, um, here's the thing about lisa...

She's not used to dating guys that treat her well.

Oh, that's terrible. She's such a sweet girl.

yeah, I agree, but y-you know,

Sometimes she just doesn't know what's best for her.

Mm. The air conditioning just kicked in. Are you cold? No, not really.

Well... (chuckles)

I don't want to take any chances. (chuckles)

There we go.

I'm sorry-I'm sorry that I don't have anything warmer.

That's so sweet.

Uh, a-anyhow, as I was saying,

I-I really think that you are gonna need to be persistent

With lisa, you know? Oh.

So ask her out again. ok, I will.

I still feel like you're cold.

I have a fleece in my car. It's only six blocks away.

Wait. No, no. I-I'm ok, really. No, I'm back in two minutes.

Oh, you're crazy.

ok, uh...

Ei, perry! Perry?

Judas!

Ei, buddy, you got home ok. That's great.

yeah, no thanks to you. I am so sorry, man. I screwed up.

But-but here's the thing... I met this girl. (normal voice) oh. Oh, that's right, 'cause in shawn world,

Random girl beats best friend every time. No! N-n-no, you don't understand.

It-you know, she was out in the street,

She was all alone, she was in a real bind

And she needed help getting home. I was in a bind, too.

yeah, but she was hot and does the yoga!

Just face it, shawn.

You don't really care about anybody but yourself. What? That's so not true.

I don't know why you're making such a big deal about it.

So I, what? I made one mistake. Oh! Oh, just the one mistake?

yeah. One mistake. That's it? Tudo bem, then let me ask you a question.

where's my puddin'?

Coming.

Hi. Ei.

Can I stay here tonight? Perry kicked me out.

yeah, of course. Come in. Thanks.

I just got our new mattress for the pullout.

Oh, no. That sounds uncomfortable.

Tell you what?

Why don't you come upstairs and sleep in your bed with me?

Oh, thank you.

Ei, thanks for letting me stay, bec.

You know, I-I would've gone to a hotel,

But, you know, I'm kinda broke,

And I keep forgetting perry's credit card number.

Have you spoken to him yet?

No, not yet. Has he ever kicked you out before?

No. Well, once he didn't speak to me for two days

Because I gave his spare key

To a woman I was certain was kirsten dunst,

But it turns out, she was just someone who steals stuff.

So what's your plan?

I mean, not that you can't live here forever,

Because that would be like a dream come true.

You're too kind, but, no.

You know, when we fought in the past,