Delicious

- Gina, figlia mia... - They told me you were dying.

So, what happens now?

Absolutely nothing.

Why do you want to work here?

Leo was always a hero of mine.

My staff have worked their arses off to make this happen for you!

I just don't feel comfortable lying to people.

So, what does this arrangement make me?

It makes you part of our lives, on a trial basis.

You were under for several minutes.

What did you do?

There's a poem you often hear at funerals.

It talks about how on gravestones, you see two dates...

a beginning and an end with a tiny dash in between.

That dash represents everything you've ever done,

everywhere you've ever been.

Every breath, every kiss, every meal.

It all boils down to just one little dash.

So, when the past threatens the future,

you've got to face it head on

because time goes fast and before you know it, your dash will be gone.

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Your father is outside, pissing in my bushes.

Er, we're in the middle of prep here.

Will you stop attacking those crabs and listen? He won't budge.

Well, don't get involved.

The sooner we ignore him, the sooner he'll go away.

That's your solution?

Pretend he isn't here?

Pathetic!

- Excuse me? - He's an eyesore.

He's your father, your problem.

- I want you to move him right now. - Is this about our fight?

Gina, I couldn't care less about our fight.

This is about maintaining standards.

Oh, and by the way, Mimi and I are moving into Farm Cottage.

You and I are strictly business from now on. Nothing more, nothing less.

This is private property. You have 60 seconds...

Actually, 59 now.

Do you see how this works? 58 seconds to get off my land.

All I want to do is to be part of your life.

I look in your eyes and I still see my little girl, my Luigina.

I know exactly what's going on here.

You've had a sniff of money and you want your slice.

Well, you're getting niente.

37, 36...

Impossible! I lost my keys.

Don't test me, old man. You don't know what I'm capable of.

I know what you're capable of, young lady.

When you were six, you kicked off the head of a Virgin Mary statue

- because a nun confiscated your crisps. - Just leave me alone!

And what about my granddaughter? I don't even know her name!

Time's up!

I'm calling the police.

What did he even do to you? What could be so bad?

I thought you and I were just business from now on.

This is my business because it's affecting my business.

They used to call him Cuculo... "cuckoo". Cuckoo's a parasite.

Dumps its eggs into another bird's nest,

tricks them into raising them as their own

and when the young chick is fully grown,

that bloody cuckoo returns and claims the nest as its own.

And that's where we're at.

Cuculo wants its nest.

You know you can't just move into Farm Cottage.

It's on the estate, it's empty

and it will keep us out of each other's way.

You're overreacting, all because of a dalliance.

You know full well that's not what it's about

and would you stop calling it a dalliance?

Well, what do you want me to call it?

- "Final bunk-up before the big birthday"? - Keep it down!

The whole world does not need to know that I'm turning 40.

This is a disaster. She loves him!

Excuse me, do you mind if we get on with this?

Because I've got 38 covers this afternoon.

Look, I really think this is more of a family issue.

No, he's not my family.

He just happens to be someone I share some of my DNA with.

OK, what I need you all to do is go inside

- and talk this through calmly. - He's not coming inside.

He needs to go back under whatever rock it was he crawled out from.

- I think it's a good idea. - What?

He can wait in Mimi's old room, away from public view.

Then when you're in a better headspace,

we can sit down and deal with this in private.

I swear if you let him back inside my hotel...

You'll do what, Gina?

You're clearly incapable of getting rid of him,

otherwise he wouldn't still be here.

It's happening. Deal with it.

- I want to quit therapy. - What?

I want to quit therapy.

Do we really need to talk about this right now?

There's nothing to talk about. I'm quitting.

Absolutely not.

You've been doing so well.

Do I look like I'm doing well to you?

Well, you know, these things do take time.

You want to quit because it's easier to quit.

You're never going to get anywhere in life

- if you just keep giving up on everything. - So, it's my fault.

- No, I didn't say that. - Do you know what, don't worry about it.

I'll just deal with it myself, as always.

You can choose your friends, but not your family.

Relatives are like freckles, height, skin colour...

they come as part of the package.

You can try and run away from your family,

you can put thousands of miles physically between you.

But they will always come back to haunt you.

Come in.

Can you turn that down, please?

Funny how a tune can bring back a memory.

I close my eyes, I'm back in my kitchen with my wife

and my daughter making lemonade.

Just turn it down.

Come on, young lady.

Don't you have a song that brings you back into your past?

- Freedom. - Ha! (NAME OF THE ARTIST)

I got stood up by a boy I really fancied at school.

And?

And I waited for him for two hours,

listening to that bloody song over and over again

and if I hear it now, I'm back there.

Alone in the rain.

Come on, take a trip back into your past with me.

Thanks!

It's the utter lack of respect, as if my feelings don't matter at all.

Who are we mad at here? Sam or your father?

Sam! I have no father.

To me, he doesn't exist.

Have you told Teresa about him yet?

There is no way I'm letting that man anywhere near her right now.

Teresa's tough. Some scheming pensioner isn't going to derail her.

You don't know him.

Sam should never have let him in.

And she did it to spite me.

What if I kill him for you, hmm?

Make it look like an accident.

Old man falls out of window onto conveniently

- if improbably placed gardening implement. - Not yet.

We need to wait him out.

He's looking for attention, but I am not going to give it to him.

I used to come here with Sam.

Couples therapy.

For some reason, she thought I had another woman.

Be cool.

I am cool.

This is cool.

Sorry for keeping you waiting.

I've just seen my dead dad, like, erm...

Like this weird kind of Sixth Sense/Bruce Willis shit.

OK, calm down.

Take a deep breath.

How are you feeling in yourself?

- Have you been taking your medication? - Fuck my medication.

I think I'm losing my mind here.

I think you kissed me.

OK.

That's interesting.

Talk me through what you think happened.

Erm...

When you did that, erm, Paul McKenna hippy shit on me,

everything got weird. There was you, there was my dad...

This isn't the first time

you've had an inappropriate crush on someone, is it, Teresa?

I don't have a crush on you.

Psychological projection is about the brain defending itself

against its own unconscious impulses

by denying their existence and attributing them to others.

- I... - So, a person who habitually lies

will constantly accuse other people of lying.

Someone who makes inappropriate advances on someone

will accuse that person of...

Well...

So, you're saying it never happened?

I made it up?

What are your thoughts on this?

How clear do you feel?

Oh, no! It's the kind of place people like me die in.

They'll find me six months later half-chewed by my own cats.

One... you don't have cats. Two... you're not living here alone.

Oh!

Three... it's not bad.

Hey, Gina.

Hey, you're a sight for sore eyes!

- How are you? - Good!

Have you seen my mum?

Well, the way I feel about your mum right now,

I wouldn't mind if I never saw her again for the rest of my life.

- What brings you back? - Dad's anniversary.

- Mmm. - And Mum's 40th.

So, you've run out of euros.

Hmm.

We don't mention the birthday here

because she's buried her head in the sand

and wants to pretend to be 39 forever.

Oh.

Well, I was sort of thinking maybe a surprise birthday party for her.

Have you ever met your mum?