From Zero To Ten (Da Zero A Dieci) (Da zero a dieci)

The reason why people compose poems and blues tunes

is related to the fact that life is short, sweet, and fleeting.

Blues prove the strangeness of each individual's destiny.

Charles Simic

They start giving you grades at birth.

If you come out with everything in place, if you cry loudly

and if you're over 4 kilos you can get a 10, if not, it gets lower.

start 1

If you're precocious

and if you start walking or saying "mama" before ten months,

you can even get a 9 and a half.

start 2

As soon as you begin nursery school, grades start pouring in.

start 3

In school you have to face up to the festival of scores.

The worst is when they score you on the girls you date,

the car you have, your house, your job.

We exist to get and give grades, there's nothing wrong with that.

If there's nothing wrong with quitting what you like to do

to only do things which will assure you good scores.

On a scale from 0 to 10,

my present is a 6...

..minus...

..minus.

I have an 85 sq m apartment,

stand up shower with Turkish bath, Japanese bed.

My ulcer gets an 8 and a half,

just like my distant past.

My recent past gets a 6.

My brother Ivan was a legend, he's gone now.

For 20 years I've had 3 friends.

If you take'em, I'm offering a nudie calendar.

I have a wife.

I have an '82 van.

I have an ID card that I occasionally consult.

Lucky you if you always know who you are!

There's more, but I'll spare you a W2 report.

My future ranges from a 9 to a 4,

depending on how I wake up.

Today, my future's a 9 coz I'm going to Rimini tomorrow.

Now you're pissing me off, if I have to go I'll go,

if you have to go, you go.

But I won't croak in a hospital.

So tell me how much longer I have.

What do the tests say?

Biccio, tell me! Are you my friend or not?

- What did you say? - Nothing.

No, tell me what you fucking said.

How much longer?

Ten.

Ten months?

Ten days?

Ten what?

Ten...

Nine, eight, seven, six, five seconds of life!

Piss off!

You're a total fool!

Easy, this is a doctor's office!

No, it's a dickhead's office!

It's the oldest joke in the book!

You and those who come to you are dickheads.

The results have improved since the last time.

We can start considering the transplant.

I just jerked off.

So, what?

It's good, it exercises the erection.

In your times, they said it'd make you blind.

What's wrong?

It bugs you that I still do it at the age of 37?

You would have too,

but you died at 27 ,

and I outlived you.

37 to 27!

I've already outlived you by ten years.

What's wrong?

Wanna play the staring game?

Come on!

Beach towels?

Bathing suits?

- Guitar? - Got it.

Weed?

What weed! Can't forget this Mary Jane!

- It's impossible to find... - Sure!

Let's tell the world we use heavy drugs!

Heavy to digest.

Run in a single file line, fools!

Condoms?

Number of condoms Baygon will use this weekend?

Zero!

Incompetents!

- Juvenile enthusiasm? - Piss off!

Everything we didn't do that weekend?

Everything.

Ever hear someone going to Rimini say "I'm going to the beach"?

No, they always say "I'm going to Rimini".

Because this is the beach.

And this is Rimini.

Rimini, Riccione and Cattolica,

16 million people each year,

80,000 hotel rooms that pant together during the summer.

They are Rimini's breath.

The densest concentration of discos in Europe.

There's ballroom and hard-core techno.

It's like a mirror, you see what you ask for.

There are kiddy rides and all sorts of sexual opportunities.

Various spiritual revival groups

and all kinds of drugs, old and new.

There's a dolphin pool and all types of casinos.

Pedal boats and internet access in the bathrooms.

There are solariums on the beach,

aquatic games 100 meters from the water,

"Baywatch" style lifeguard towers,

radio and TV from all over Italy, there for the entire summer.

This and more, coz Rimini's like the blues:

inside, there's everything.

FIRST DAY

Zanni is the best.

Same shit hole as always!

He hasn't even changed the layout of the beds.

I'll take the one by the window again

coz you guys have no clue what hygiene means.

You love our smell, you joker!

Baygonian stink is incompatible with the human race.

They could have put up a nice plaque:

"Here on July 31, 1980

Benassi Giovanni AKA Giove consummated for the first time."

Maybe Zanni hasn't changed the sheets since then.

What about the second time?

Was it the first or the first and last?

Gentlemen, Baygon, the greatest comedian of the year 2000.

I'm in the company of a herd of geniuses.

We have to relive it all like we did.

All in the same room again.

I say it's unlikely, but what if we get some action...

"Me first", "No, me first!" and the others?

Sleep on the pedal boat!

I wonder what the girls are like after 20 years.

Lara no problem, but I don't know if I'd recognize the other three.

When they see what dumps you've become!

They'll head right back to Rome.

One won't go back coz she's from Rimini.

There's a problem, auntie Fabrizia.

Marta, after doing what she did with Baygon...

Rocco Siffredi,

you lucked out!

You're lucky I never managed to get into the porn world!

If I had...

..I would have made a laughing stock of you!

Where are we meeting the girls?

Don't know , Napoleon made all the plans.

Beer at Angelo's?

Beer at Angelo's.

It's still Angelo's but it's not the same anymore.

The beer isn't the same either.

- The bill, please. - Right away.

One...

Two...

Three.

These forty year olds!

YOU HA VE NO FUCKING F AITH! 4.

Same place where we met them.

Don't make me cry!

Same place... everything's changed!

We've become everyone's uncles.

Can we get some Gloria Gaynor and Barry White?

Hot Chocolate, a slow song!

I'll pay for a slow song by Chicago!

Cindy Crawford, get over yourself!

I was doing you a favor!

You're the worst here!

Here he is!

Wait...

Caterina, Lara and Carmen.

You won the doll!

What are you wearing?

We're dressed in... athletic gear.

You're babes!

Better than 20 years ago.

Yes, but hands off.

And Marta?

She didn't come.

What? Did she know I'd be here?

Yes, she knew.

I'm unforgettable.

Betta.

This is Betta.

She's private property!

An epic beginning.

I have all of Rimini at my feet.

It's crazy here, want to go to the beach?

I'm good for the beach.

Libero's on his way out anyway.

In Rimini, there's always a longing for California.

These are the surfers.

They're kind of nuts, as if there are waves here?

They're nice though, they sleep in this old campsite.

Occasionally they host parties like this one,

as soon as they see a tiny wave, they catch it!

- This is Cosmo. - Hi, Caterina.

- Everything fine? - Yes.