Despicable Me

Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Justin!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

Justin, you get back here right now!

No, stop!

No, no! Stop him! Go back! Don't climb!

(IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

No, no, no! Oh! There he goes.

Justin!

I've got him! I've got him!

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

try to protect their beloved landmarks.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

is responsible for this heinous crime?

And where will he strike next?

I'm having a bad, bad day

It's about time that I get my way

Steamrolling whatever I see

Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! (LAUGHING)

I'm having a bad, bad day

If you take it personal, that's okay

Watch, this is so fun to see

Despicable me

Morning, Gru!

How you doing?

Hello, Fred.

FYI, your dog has been leaving

little bombs all over my yard,

and I don't appreciate it.

Sorry. You know dogs.

They go wherever they want to go.

Unless they're dead.

I'm joking!

Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one.

Oh, okay. Uh... Yeah.

Steamrolling whatever I see

Despicable me

I'm having a bad, bad day

If you take it personal, that's okay

Despicable me

You've got to be pulling on my leg!

Hello!

Cookies for sale.

Go away. I'm not home.

Yes, you are. I heard you.

No, you didn't. This

is a recording.

No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

Watch this. Leave a message, beep.

Goodbye, recorded message.

Agnes, come on.

Huh?

Kyle!

Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin.

Gru!

Ah, Dr. Nefario.

I know how you must be feeling.

I, too, have encountered great disappointment,

but in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats.

What? What happened?

It's all over the news!

Some fella just stole a pyramid.

They're saying he makes all other villains look

lame.

Assemble the minions!

Minions, assemble!

Okay. Okay.

Throo...

Hey!

Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good?

All right.

That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry?

Hello, everybody!

Yeah, all right!

Simmer down. Simmer down!

Thank you, okay.

Now, I realize that you guys probably heard

about this other villain who stole the pyramids.

Apparently, it's a big deal.

People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that.

But am I upset? No, I am not!

A little,

but we have had a pretty good year ourselves,

and you guys are all right in my book.

No, no raises!

You're not going to get any raises.

What did we do?

Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron!

Nice!

Huh?

That's how I roll.

Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh?

But that's not all.

We stole the Statue of Liberty,

The small one from Las Vegas.

And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas.

Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet,

but I have been working on something very big!

Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water!

And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario...

Thank you!

Oh, there he is.

He's styling.

Now, we have located a shrink ray

in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray,

we will have the capability

to pull off the true crime of the century.

We are going to steal...

Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet.

Hey.

Dave, listen up, please.

Next, we are going to steal,

pause for effect,

the moon!

And once the moon is mine,

the world will give me whatever I want to get it back!

And I will be the greatest villain of all time!

That's what I'm talking about.

Yes?

Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers,

and I really don't see how we can afford this.

It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker.

Hey, chillax.

I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me!

Edith, stop it!

What? I'm just walking.

Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back.

Hello, girls!

Anybody come to adopt us while we were out?

Mmm. Let me think.

No!

Edith! What did you put on my desk?

A mud pie.

You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you?

Yeah, I know.

Good.

So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas?

Sort of.

We sold 43 mini-mints, 30 choco-swirlies, and 18 coco-nutties.

Okay.

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day.

Look at my face!

Do you still think it's a great sale day?

Eighteen coco-nutties.

I think we can do a little better than that, don't you?

Yeah.

We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No.

No, Miss Hattie.

Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine.

Hi, Penny. Hi, Penny.

Hi, guys.

Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but...

I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid.

That was you, wasn't it?

Or was it a villain who's actually successful?

Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something

that's very, very big, very important.

When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud.

Good luck with that. Okay, I'm out of here.

Gru to see Mr. Perkins.

Yes, please have a seat.

That's one small step for man,

one giant leap for mankind.

Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon.

I'm afraid you're too late, Son.

NASA isn't sending the monkeys anymore.

Hey.

I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector.