Gintama. Porori hen

Who goes there?

You must be Senbe the Manslayer.

Prepare to go down!

Gintama

Slip Arc

This is a great sword.

Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!

It's nameless, but sharp.

Looks like it ran wild with its wielder in the past,

but it's being taken care of now.

Must belong to a retired general.

Tetsuko-san, that sword is actually a memento of Otose-san's late husband.

Oh...

Smithy

I'll deliver it nice and sharpened tomorrow.

I'm sure it wants to go home soon, too.

Tetsuko, you can talk to swords? You're amazing!

It's not like that.

What about that one? What's it saying?

The number of battles it's gone through and the amount of blood it has spilled

is way higher than any other sword.

But it's been used as a weight for cup ramen way more than any other sword, too.

Man, I feel so much better.

Perhaps due to its poor treatment, I can see it shrouded in malice.

I thought I was gonna wet myself.

Malice?

Yes. Rather than the blood of enemies,

it thirsts for the blood of its wielder.

Wow, you're right!

You can tell when a sword looks down on its wielder?

That's our master swordsmith!

Though to be honest, we knew that, too.

Master swordsmith, my ass!

Why's a drawn sword just laying around right there?

Should a smithy be treating her products so badly?

What's this sword?

I don't remember it.

Don't play dumb.

Are you saying it came here by itself to get a massage? To rub one out?

This is a smithy! Not a brothel!

Maybe it got kicked out of its scabbard due to its low salary.

Tetsuko, you should hear out its complaints, too.

Uh, complaints?

Even I could hear those out.

You seem really up for this, sir.

Look at you, all naked before we even get started.

Your scabbard may have dumped you, but I'll make you forget about it all tonight.

And then, you can get a fresh start as a wok in Gin-san's place tomorrow.

Hey, wait!

Got that, Tetsuko? Make us a nice wok.

What are you doing? We don't even know whose sword it is yet!

Didn't you hear it? It's sick of cutting things.

It wants to stop hurting people and start frying rice instead.

We don't have a pan, so this is perfect.

You need a fresh start more than it does, you bum!

Ah, I don't know why, but I think I can hear the sword crying out in joy.

Uh, sorry,

but we can hear it, too.

I don't know about crying out in joy. This sounds more like dying screams.

Huh? You can hear that, too?

Bro...

Whaddya think yer doin' ta me?

Want me ta suck yer blood up?!

Gin-san?!

3000 Leagues in Search of a Scabbard

Smithy

Yeesh.

There's no tellin' what samurai these days get up ta.

How scary.

If I were any other sword, I woulda snapped.

Be more careful. Most swords'll lash out at the drop of a hat.

Ya won't find many blunt, gentle ones like me.

S-Sorry about that.

Well, as long as ya learned yer lesson.

I'm not yellin' at ya 'cause I want ta.

Thankfully, nobody got hurt,

so let's call this water under the bridge.

Well, thanks for the yummy tea. Take care.

Like hell! I totally got hurt here!

How long are you gonna stay stuck in my ass?

And what the hell are you, anyway?

What's with this thing? I can't get it out!

Yer wastin' yer time, bro. We're a pair now.

I finally found ya, my scabbard. I ain't never lettin' ya go.

Did you just call my butthole a scabbard?

Calm down, both of you. Calm down.

How can I? I've got a sword in my ass!

Oh, just shut up and sit down.

P-Planet Excalibur?

Aye. Believe it or not, I'm an actual Amanto,

Kusanagi from Planet Excalibur.

K-Kusanagi-san?

I may be loiterin' about butt-naked without a scabbard now,

but when I was young, I was a famous sword.

Uh, could you stop talking about loitering butt-naked with that name?

Us excaliburlings have bodies made of liquid metal.

In other words, we can transform inta anythin' we wanna be.

We've transformed inta all kinds of weapons

and taken part in wars on all kinds of planets as mercenaries.

I came ta Earth a long time ago when I smelled war here.

Ever since, me and my wife Scabberina had been livin' as a very lovin' couple.

Who the hell is Scabberina?

Was your scabbard your wife?

She was too good for me, I say.

She always welcomed me back with a warm smile.

And back then, I was young, too.

I thrust in and out of her several times a day.

Stop moving like that. What are you saying?

Is it what I think it is?

If you had such a beloved scabbard, why are you naked now, Member Kusanagi?

Stop calling him that!

A sword and its scabbard are as one.

They're like SM*P, which only functions when all its members are present.

You two are doing this on purpose, aren't you?!

As time passed and I grew older, I lost my edge.

Our owner put us up for sale at a pawn shop.

For some reason, a buyer was found immediately,

but I was dumped in a ditch.

The buyer only wanted the beautiful Scabberina, not me.

For decades since then, I've been lookin' for her,

but I still have no idea where she is now.

I went from smithy ta smithy, hopin' ta meet a good scabbard,

but that was a swing and a miss, too.

So that's why you came to me?

I lost my owner and my partner 'cause I was so dull.

So I gotta take them back with my own hands...

The bright light from those days, and my beloved other half.

But I know from the bottom of my blade that I can't do anythin' as a lone dull blade.

Doesn't matter if it's just a temporary home. I need an owner, a scabbard!

I beg of ya, lend me yer ass for a while.

C'mon, please.

Okay! Come one, come all!

Is the sword on your hip a treasure that brings good luck

or a curse that brings misfortune?

Don't you want to know?

Sword Fortune Telling

Edo's best swordsmith, Murata Tetsuko, will ascertain your sword's quality!

And we're willing to bleed money on the first day!

We'll look at your swords for free today!

First come, first served!

You guys...

In truth, we want to check out not the swords, but their scabbards.

Instead of just givin' me this filthy ass, you'd go so far for me?

I'm not doing this for you.

I'm a swordsmith.

When there's a rusty sword of repute lying in front of me,

do you really think I could stop myself from sharpening it?

T-Tetsuko-han!

I'll lend you as many filthy asses as you want, so just shut up and sit tight.

Sorry. I forgot I was lugging this filthy ass around.

Who do you think this filthy ass belongs to?

What gives you guys the right to decide the fate of my filthy ass?

Wait, whose ass are you calling filthy?

Not like we have a choice.

He says he won't leave your ass until he finds a home.

If you wanna be freed, we gotta find his separated scabbard.

Quit messing—

Oh, by the way, excaliburlings are vampiric in nature.

If you do anything stupid...

Want me to suck up the blood from yer entire body?

Excuse me.

Would you like to be the scabbard for my sword?

Eek!

C'mon, bro. Yer makin' yer ulterior motives too obvious.

Ya'll never find me a scabbard like that.

I don't wanna hear that from the one sticking butt-naked into my butt.

Just watch me.

Hey, lady.

Want me to suck yer ********* *****?

Eek!

I'll kill your blunt ass!

Why are you getting me beaten up?

Why do I have to do this?

Crap, I messed up. Shoulda gone with "please suck my ****."

What kind of scabbard are you looking for?!

Nobody cares about the swords in your pants!

Stick them in Tasty Stick packaging or something!

Aren't you looking for your wife Scabberina?

Why are you trying to sneakily find a new scabbard?

Take this more seriously!

If you wanna find customers, talk to people who are carrying swords!

Ow, ow... Hey, what are you doing?

N-Nah, i-it a-ain't me.

Th-This is resonance.

What?

O-One of my own is nearby.

Huh? Could it be Scabberina?

N-Nah.

Is it true that you're ascertaining the quality of swords?

I'd love it if you could check mine as well.

What do you see?

Do you hear the screams of all the people I've cut down?

Or do you hear the sound of all the swords he's devoured breaking?

Whoops, looks like we have an unwanted visitor.

I'll come back some other time.

I'm sure we'll meet again.

What was with that guy?

Are you sure, Kusanagi-san?

That was an excaliburling, too, right?

They might've known something about Scabberina.