The Office

It is Friday morning.

And it is another beautiful day,

In Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Oh my God !

Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

We have a serious problem here.

Alright everybody. Lock the doors. Turn off the lights.

Pretend you're not here.

Are we in danger ?

There's no time to think about it. This is real.

Just shh, everybody.

Michael, should I call the...

What ?

The I.T. tech guy and me, did not get off to a great start.

Synchro : Occeane Transcript : Nikki

Yeah I tried to install it myself.

But, you guys have these things so password-protected.

That just means you have to enter your password.

What's your password, Michael ?

It's...

- 1, 2, 3, 4. - Yes.

Michael !

- Sorry. - Please don't do that.

Okay, I'm sorry. What is going on in there ?

Why is he here ?

What are you doing?

I can't tell you.

- You have to tell me. - I don't have to tell you anything.

Look, Michael.

I know you don't want to have to think about this.

But if something were to happen to you,

God forbid, then I would need to know in order to take over.

Dwight, nothing is going to happen to me, okay ?

I'm in the best shape of my life.

Look at this.

Yeah, but that doesn't matter, you could get a brain aneurysm.

- I'm not going to get a br- - Or get hit by a car.

- Stop. - Or a bus or a train.

You could get poisoned. Fall down a well.

- Step on a mine. Choke. - Okay,

If I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania,

and die, you can have my job, okay ?

Why don't you just go away ?

There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees.

His salary.

That would depress them.

His bed.

It...

And I am not going to tell them that I'll be reading their e-mails.

- So how do you search ? - By keyword phrase.

Try profits.

No, try Michael Scott.

Michael, boss, and funny.

Oh my God !

E-mail from Stanley.

Stanley, terribly nice guy.

"Sorry I didn't write back sooner."

"I can't go to the game tonight because my boss, Michael is an ass"

"And making me stay late."

Well, Stanley's an ass.

Not one of our harder workers.

Hey, what's the deal Michael ?

Why are you spying on our computers ?

Oh, no. Everybody, Oscar's gone crazy.

What other ghost stories have you got for us ?

That I'm a robot ?

I will destroy, everything in my path.

Actually, we just...

Okay.

Oil can. Oil can.

Tin man.

Actually we just got a memo from I.T,

saying you're doing e-mail surveillance.

Oh, what ? No, that defeats the whole purpose.

So it's true ? You have access to our e-mails ?

You know what the problem is ?

I think I do.

The problem is that when people hear the term "Big Brother",

They immediately think it's scary or bad.

But I don't, I think, "Wow. I love my Big Brother".

I gotta erase a lot of stuff.

A LOT, of stuff.

Oh, hey. Just so you know. If you have any sensitive e-mails,

they need to be deleted immediately.

- I know. - Good.

Hey.

Something just happened.

Dwight just told Angela that she has to delete all of her sensitive e-mails.

- Immediately ! - What ?

I know.

- Do you they're like... - No.

Right, no.

Maybe.

It's like squishing a spider under a book.

It's gonna be really gross.

But I have to look and make sure that it's really dead.

So...

If you guys see anything.

Hey, Dwight ?

My friend is kind of into these two girls that he works with.

Nice.

One is tall and brunette.

And the other is short and blond.

And perky and kind of judgmental.

Who do you think he should choose ?

Does he have access to their medical records ?

I think on of the greatest things about modern America,

is the computerization of medical records.

As a volunteer sheriff,

I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories.

Yeast infections.

There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county.

Probably,

because we're down river, from that old bread factory.

Meredith has an E-vite, from Jim.

"Barbecue at Jim's tonight."

Tonight ?

Wonder where my e-vitation is ?

Click on guest list.

Angela, Stanley, Oscar...

Meredith, Phyllis, Kevin, Creed.

Must be...

No.

Hey, Angela. How's it going ?

It's okay.

Listen, are you bringing anyone to Jim's party tonight ?

No. Are we supposed to ?

No. I mean, I don't know. I don't think so.

Excuse me.

There's always a distance between a boss and the employees.

It is just nature's rule.

It's intimidation, mostly.

It's the awareness that they are not me.

I do think that I am very...

approachable as one of the guys.

But maybe I need to be even approachabler.

- That's pretty. - Yeah.

Are you going to eat with us ?

Of course. Hanging with my crew.

Crew that I am one of.

Hanging with my Cup of Noodles.

This is a meal in a cup, right here.

Hot, tasty. Reminds me of college.

Lived on this stuff. Brain food.

You know what I really, really miss about college ?

The parties.

Everybody'd go, the athletes, the nerds, the professors.

The professors would go to the parties ?

Yeah. They were the most fun.

We always invited them.

It's true. I'm having a party.

I've got tree cases of imported beer.

Karaoke machine

And I didn't invite Michael.

So, three ingredients for a great party.

And it's nothing personal, I just think that if he were there,

people wouldn't be able to relax and you know, have fun.

And my roommate wants to meet everybody.

Because, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up.

He is very real.

What ?

Oh! Yes! Thank you.

Question.

On the internet, there are several different options,

to get to your house for the party tonight.

No, no, no. Keep that down.

Why ?

Because not everybody knows about the party.

Like who ? Who doesn't know ?

Michael.

Why just Michael ?

Because it's a surprise.

Is it ?

Oh, that's perfect.

So don't tell.

- I won't. - Okay.

So, Dwight thinks that tonight is a surprise party for Michael.

- Really ? That's great. - I know.

Maybe we can get him to hide and wait somewhere.

Oh man.

Oh, you know what ? Speaking of which, I was just trying to get a handle on,

You know, the numbers for food and stuff.

So do you think Roy's gonna come or...

Oh, no, he can't make it.

Oh, okay. Cool.

- Hey there. - Hey.

Almost quitting time.

Yup. It's, 4:00.

One more hour to take care of anything you forgot to do.

Hey, you know, I don't know if you have any plans tonight.

But if you don't, we could hang out.

- I can't. - You have plans ?

- Yeah, I do. - Yeah, I do too, I do too.

- You do? - Big plans. I do yeah.

Because you just...

- You wanted to hang out. - Tonight, no I can't do it tonight.

Improv class. I have improv class. Hanging out with...

- Really ? - My improve buds.Yeah.

Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun.

Oh, it's the best. It's the best.