Western Religion

What are you gonna do, kill me?

You can't kill either now, can you?

Or yourself.

What a terrible, terrible conundrum.

What news from the mines, Harvard?

It ain't pretty, darling.

We're gonna have to sell something right quick then.

Fargo's calling.

We ain't gotta sell nothing but Religion, sunshine.

This town's gonna be bigger than God's illegitimate son.

How you reckon that?

We gonna throw ourselves a card game.

More whiskey!

This could get ugly.

Not on account of us.

Leave the bottle.

Yes, sir.

You know those hombres?

I've seen them cut down ten men without taking

their lips off of whiskey.

That's why I ain't involved.

Pulp of whiskey.

Hey, son.

You're blocking our view.

Then move yourself.

Mustn't value your life way you's running that mouth'll.

No, I just don't value yours.

Do you know who I am boy?

A dead man, I reckon.

Would you settle their tab?

Why don't you play something, piano man?

God bless, John.

Raise.

Color me cracked, but I just might call that.

I'm sorry.

I thought that was mine.

Shall we complete the play?

Look at all of these distinguished gentlemen

come to the party.

A cognac, darling, and whatever corn juice this

Darwinian misstep imbibes.

Read 'em and weep.

Dear, dear, the suicide king.

And just when the felicitous and fortunate

Salt Peter has the only card that can bring about its demise.

Gentlemen...

Hey, you ain't taking my money.

But you can't take it with you.

This says I can.

I'm not presently heeled.

You're gonna die.

You got something smart to say about that?

My valise, darling.

Thank you.

To you, my ace in the hole.

Thank you, sir.

Mr. Salt Peter...

Have you heard of this?

What do we have here?

A high stakes poker game in Religion, Arizona.

Why, that just sounds divine.

Hands up.

Both hands.

Should've stayed working on the railroad instead of robbing 'em.

You got two guns on you now, and that poster says

alive or dead.

Whichever I prefer.

Say your prayers, Chinaman Dan.

You first.

Leave gun.

Only one shot.

Give bag.

Drop belt.

Don't kill me, mister.

I promise I won't say nothing to nobody.

Go away.

This bloody country.

It goes on forever.

No sense to it all.

I beg to differ.

There's a freedom in it's wild, open spaces.

Freedom is an illusion created by servants to

help them sleep at night.

Illusion...

Now you're speaking my language.

Impressive.

Can you make my writing assignment disappear as well?

What story are you covering?

There's a poker tournament in Religion.

How providential.

I am one of its participants.

Edward James, New York James.

Raven McCabe.

Magician at large.

Next time, pay the bill!

What'll it be?

Red wine.

Jackeroo John, right?

Saint John.

Mighty biblical for these parts.

I'm a man of god now.

That's not what I heard.

Yeah, people change.

The only change men make around here is from the

living to the dead.

Drum up some business.

-Bess! -Hey!

Sorry!

Gimme some neck oil.

You gotta stop endangering my customers.

Ever known me to miss?

There's always a first time.

Not when I'm shooting.

Takin' my leave for a spell.

Well, don't be gone long.

You ain't my Pappy, Southern Bill.

As long as you owe back rent on that hook house

you're running under my roof, I am your Pappy.

Two whiskies.

Extra thirsty are we?

We don't do credit.

Well, Southern Bill at your service.

Bed, booze, broads.

I provide 'em all.

I'm Waylin Smith.

I got word of a card game.

That's Harvard Gold's affair.

How do I enter?

Go over at the Grand Hotel, pay your fee, and sign up.

I don't know how I let you pluck me from my station.

Sisters of Divine Mercy.

I broke up with God for you, Harvard.

He didn't build your own town now, did he?

Numbers don't lie.

Religion can't afford the gold prize staked on this

foolish card game.

It's hardly a mere card game now, darling.

Got a reporter from the New York Times doing a

major story about it.

Well the folks a comin' better enjoy spending money.

Card players always lavish their funds about.

And what about the gunfighters?

They like their double barreled discounts.

I'll have myself a new lawman.

A Marshal from Kansas City.

Just one?

That's all we can afford.

What's he gonna do?

Protect our money, honey.

Whoa!

You shouldn't sneak up on folks in these parts.

Accept my humble apologies.

I'm Bobby Shea. Traveling carpenter.

Bootstrap Bess.

I don't shake hands.

I saw you lookin' at this plot.

You fixin' to build somethin' on it?

My own hotel.

A respectable kind.

For well-heeled tourists and the like.

Built the Gold Hill Hotel in Virginia City, near on my own.

What brings you to Religion?

Just looking for the next town on the map.

Aim to see the whole wide world someday.

Well I'll keep you in mind, Shea, if'n I raise the funds.

You got a plan on that account?

Gonna win the big poker tournament.

Mr. Salt Peter, how are you, sir?

Royal, my dear.

I've traveled far and wish to be installed.

Will you be staying long?

Not in this rabbit warren.

I'm sorry, sir.

Be forewarned, I like my amenities and men that tease.

The presidential suite is available if you so desire, sir.

Is it king sized? Because my appetites are.

Yes, it is, sir.

You may follow our bellman to your quarters.

I like the view already.

Sorry, we don't serve your kind.

Serve him.

What can I do for you?

Food, drink...

Pretty lady.

I can help you with the first two.

And I can provide the third.

You angry about something, preacher?

Nothing you need concern yourself with.

Sources tell me you're a genuine man of the people,

Marshall Stone.

I aim to please, and my aim is pleasing.

That it is.

When there's call for it.

We frown upon violence in Religion.

Unless it's necessary, of course.

You're gonna need some deputies, Mr. Gold,

on account of the influx of visitors.

Yeah, as budget allows.

There is one Zain Mohammed, honest to God Arabian Prince.

Certainly does advertise his wealth.