Scrubs

Seriously, I'll beat you up. Oh, sorry.

Okay, we gotta fix this tonight, because tomorrow night's

Birthing class, and Wednesday night is pregnancy sex. I'm really starting to enjoy that birthing class.

All the grunting and heavy breathing and-- you were the oy one doing that.

I was trying to get something going.

Wait, what is that walkie-talkie?

I told you to get a baby monitor. Oh, this--better than a baby monitor.

It's long distance. Where's the other one?

jake cobra. Come in, jake cobra.

We've been compromised, panther claw.

What else did your baby get that we could play with?

Uh, just give him 30 c.C.'s

Of, uh, medicine, stat.

It's a little hospital issue I'm dealing with.

ben was our cadaver.

I'd met him on my first day of medical school.

He was alive then, and we connected.

You look like you could use a grape. Thanks, ben.

So with ben, I was the leader of our group.

Drew, isolate the tendon of the brachialis,

And, cole, though I've almost reconciled the fact

That you are both my... Boyfriend and probably

The human being I respect least on earth, you know,

Besides myself-- we didt twice this morning.

Nobody's ever cared about anything you've ever said, ever.

That's it. Don't even come by my room later.

Really? No.

Attention, class. That awesome!

Could we do that again, please? For me? Please?

Just everybody act busy. Act busy.

Eyes up! Don't disrespect me!

Yeah, that's right.

There'll be a quiz next class on the structure of the heart.

Each member of your team will have to dissect a chamber.

Daddy said if I get my g.P.A. Up, I get a jet ski.

Me, not caring.

Thought I was clear on that. Anyway, my friend ben will propel our group

To the top of the class.

I'm so moved, I want to put those feelings into words.

Dr. Turk, I can't wait to slice up this old bastard's ticker.

Perfect.

elliot and I had missed

Our last few pregnancy sex nights.

Tonight, I was ready.

Loose limbs make limber lovers.

Loose limbs make limber lovers.

I'm so sorry. I was stuck at work,

And then on my way home, I got a craving for cambodian food.

J.D., they had a salad that's all beef.

There's not a frickin' green thing in this.

Well, let's get this party started.

I am totally ready to get dirty with you.

I don't know if you saw some of the rose petals, but--

Mm-hmm. Oh, this is so good. Yeah, um--over here.

And then-- go through here--

Oh, wait. Oh, okay.

Just avoid the breast region.

They're big, but they're not for touching--too sore.

And let's just avoid the thighs.

They sort of are like memory foam.

They leave a handprint. And I have the elbows

Of a 75-year-old black man. Honey, you look beautiful.

I'm sorry, sweetie. I just don't feel super romantic right now.

Do you think it's okay if we skip tonight?

Sure. This--this was all here when I got home.

I promisyou, after the baby comes,

Things are gonna go back to normal, okay?

Make sure you chew. Mm.

I'll get your hair out of your way for you.

you want a bite, sweet? It's so good.

No, thank you. I've already had diarrhea today.

Mm. Well, I've not pooped in a week.

So yes, j.D. And I are not having sex right now,

But it's fine. I put it right into my schedule

For after the baby's born. What is that, a sex trapper keeper?

Oh, I wish. , it's my postpregnancy action plan.

See? By week three, I'll have lost all the baby weight.

Weeks four and five, I'll be deep

Into my postpartum depression, where I'll spend most of my time

Crying and then regaining the baby weight.

And then something will snap me out of it--

Probably a sunrise or a hilarious e-card.

And then by week six, we are back to nasty town.

Let's walk in silence maybe. Yes.

Hi, mr. And mrs. Foster. How are you feeling?

Oh, he won't stop complaining.

I've got lymphoma. Well, I've got multiple myeloma.

You two, come on now. Nobody wins at cancer.

That's like double what you've got.

I likeo start every day with an exercise in futility,

And to that end, johnny legacy, ulcerative colitis--

Tell me the five-- perry!

It's behind me, isn't it?

with every couple, there's the hard-a

And then the sweet one.

Come here. I can't deal with this year's clump

Of ugly nerds eyeballing me.

Hot biscuits! Cox is the sweet one?

You know that bag of bones my sister danni married?

He died. She got nothing.

Burt died?

You're not listening. Danni got nothing.

You need to do your will so I can get all your stuff

Chop-chop!

Ma'am, if you need any help through thisifficult time,

I'm here. You're that aaronson kid.

Mm-hmm. I remember your mom when she was wearing tube tops,

Giving it away to any guy that would buy her a free steak.

She's so classy.

Oh, dear god, I love you. I love you.

So let me get this straight.

You and elliot aren't having sex till after the baby's born?

Yes. But who are you gonna have sex with then?

Oh, she's gonna watch while you do other chicks.

No, no, todd. Neither one of us is going to be having sex.

I gotta take a walk five.

he's not taking it well.

All the baby books say we'll be back to our normal sex life

In about six weeks. J.D., those baby books are filled with lies.

You don't know. It's crazy. You're gonna be changing diapers

Covered in spit-up, all right?

You're not gonna have sex for a long, long, long, long time.

No hide the penny?

No. No me girl, you boy?

No. No dirty zulu warrior?

No, and that one's racist.

Well, I'm--I'm sure there'll still be cuddling, right?

Turk, I'm a man. I have needs.

Please say there'll be cuddling. She'll have the baby to cuddle with.

That little bastard.

Sync by ReHelen

turk freaked me out about what would happen

With elliot after the baby came,

So I turned to my mentor. Dorian, I do not need to hear the pathetic slap

And tickle of your soon-to-be-vanished sex life.

I just feel like I'm racing against the clock,

Like harrison ford in some kind of... Harrison ford movie.

Talkin' pregnancy sex?

Yep, nothing like a girl with a little junk in the front.

What are you, some kind of pervy ninja?

Oh, thanks, man. Appreesh.

Hey, you know what you should do?

Take your shorty on a babymoon. What's a babymoon?

It's like a romantic trip couples take

Before their baby's born. That's not what I pictured.

Breast milk mojitos?

You've had a few too many. Drunk babies are hilarious.

You know, I haven't bagged a preggers yet,

But I bet it's like having sex with a water bed.

The baby bump actually has the tension of an exercise ball.

I was a doula in madrid for two years.

Oh, drew, so cool. Been to europe.

Hey, just babymoon it, dude, all right?

But don't--don't play any jazz while you're having sex,

'cause I read on the web that it will make the baby gay.

Makes babies gay, ladies and gentlemen.

Jazz makes babies gay!

Future doctor.

You know, drew,

We haven't really connected yet.

Nope.

Is that because by sleeping with cole,

I've invalidated myself as a person? Pretty much.

I get that. So you ready for the big heart dissection tomorrow?

Totally. Plus my dad sent a care package of smoked meats

From home, so I thought afterwards maybe you,

Me and cole could go to the park and have a sausage picnic.

Okay, that sounded weird. You know what else is weird

Is that you've been supervising our group so much lately--

And you're doing it well, really-- yeah, drew, I'm with someone.

Not where I was going. I was just gonna say that you

Haven't done any cutting of our cadaver yet. Hmm.

I know. I'm psyched to get in there. Hells, yeah.

My woman's gonna go all edward scissorhands on his ass.

I'll make it a hedge.

Is he, like, really good in bed or something? He'd have to be, right?

I'd hope so for your sake.

(continues imitating cutting noises)

Hello.

My wife is making me do a will,

So I'm going to need one of you to act as my confidant

That I can talk at but not listen to.

Well played, mr. Suffin. Dr. Mahoney, it looks like

You're going to be my sounding board. Congratulations.

Have fun. You're dead to me.

So jordan is after my stuff, but there is no way

That succubus is gonna get my recliner after I die.

It is the one chair I sit in when I wah tv

And yell at sports figures and reality stars.

Fine. Right before you kick it,

Stick a dead bird underneath the cushion.

That'll get ripe real fast,

And you can sit back and watch the whole show from hell.

Mahoney, you are a promising young doctor, you are.

I'm so sorry, mr. Foster. We did everything we could.

Can I have a moment to--to say good-bye?

Of course.

They were married 47 years.

Rdan and I have been together for almost 30.

Yeah, but life expectancy for people your age is excellent,