The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes

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The computer wore tennis shoes

And a twinkle in his eye

Never met a groovier dude, an electric kind of guy

A socket shock

And suddenly socked him into a real cerebral high

Growing his mind into the kind

That leaves old Einstein wigging out behind

The computer wore tennis shoes

And a smile upon his face

Turnin' on every chick in town at a cosmothropic pace

A guy that crazed and amazed and otherwise dazed

The whole darn human race

Makin' the news, payin' his dues

That turned-on, uptight, flat out-of-sight

Totally together computer in tennis shoes

A guy that crazed and amazed and otherwise dazed

The whole darn human race

Makin' the news, payin' his dues

That turned-on, uptight, flat out-of-sight

Totally together computer in tennis shoes

Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo

Baa, baa, baa, baa

Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo

Baa, Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba, baa, baa

Professor Quigley, I'm sure

that we all appreciate your interest in progress,

but a computer.

Well, that is a luxury that we just cannot afford.

Dean Higgins, today,

a computer can hardly be considered a luxury.

Oh, very well.

Then it is a necessity that we just cannot afford.

Now, unfortunately,

Medfield has quite a long list of necessities,

and a computer just does not have

a very high priority on that list.

Now, it's not that I'm old-fashioned.

You all know that I have an open ear for progress,

and we do all that we can.

Why, when Mrs. Ferguson

wanted live frogs for her biology lab,

we went to the expense of live frogs.

Just last month, we purchased brand-new Bunsen burners

for our chemistry class.

We're not dragging our feet, Quigley.

Why, I just put an order in today

for two garbage disposals and an electric dishwasher

- Anything yet, Bradley? - For our cafeteria.

- Not on us. - Talk about modernization.

- Quig's still fighting the battle of the computer. - And it's expensive, too.

How's he doing?

Yeah, that figures.

Aw, Higgins is weaseling out again.

What's he pulling this time?

Ah, he's got a new one.

- Hi, Dex. - He says he's spending too much money

for frogs and Bunsen burners and garbage disposals.

Thanks.

Quigley, you talk about $ 10, 000

as though it were 10 cents.

You just don't understand the problem.

Do you know what the telephone bill alone is here every month?

Take State.

I don't want to hear about State.

Yeah, but do you realize

that they give an entire course in computer technology?

Now, I don't like to draw comparisons, gentlemen,

but if we want to keep abreast of the times

and raise our academic average,

We have got to modernize.

Modernization isn't everything.

Uh, huh...

Yes, uh, Regent Deeds. Thank you very much.

That's... that's well-put.

Gentlemen, I, uh, I wouldn't like this

to get any further than this room,

but frankly,

we are down to the nitty-gritty on our budget.

The building program is bogged down.

The bankers in this town won't even answer my phone calls.

Why, we raffled off everything on the campus

but the women's gym.

I tell you, gentlemen,

it is tough to be the dean of a college today.

It's tough, tough, tough.

Unrest.

Everywhere you look, unrest.

Now, I wonder who's behind that.

Hmm.

Oh, uh, that part about the unrest,

that's, uh, that's off the record, Mrs. Winifred.

So, Quigley, I'm sorry,

but I'm certain that you understand our problem.

That's it. They killed him.

Now, for the next item on the agenda...

Us?

Deadwood.

Us.

Well-put, Dean.

An apt title for the ne'er-do-wells

who ought to be expunged from this...

Leonard...

The not-so-gifted students' needs are just as great

as those of the gifted ones.

Quigley, this is a competitive educational institution.

All right, gentlemen, all right.

Now, um, Quigley, we do have certain ne'er-do-wells

that must be seen to.

Therefore, I'm suggesting

that the following students be placed on probation...

Quigley: Probation is no substitute

for catching the interest of the student,

for firing his imagination.

- Yeah. - Come on, Quig. - Thattaboy.

Higgins: Timothy Balsen,

John Colligan, Roger Demney,

Henry Fathinger,

- Eeeeehh! ...Myles Harris,

Adam Jervins,

Keith Richards, Dexter Reilly...

Ugh! They got me!

Dexter, it's not funny.

...Robert Ross,

Sliver Roth.

Sliver?

A man with a name like that has no business in a college.

Arnold Sandy, Stanley Tyler...

He missed me. He went through all the S's.

- Hey, that's right. - Nice going.

Dexter: What about Schuyler?

Hmm?

Oh, yes, of course. Richard Schuyler.

Put him on there. Richard Schuyler.

Thanks a lot.

He's sick.

No, it's just plain hate. That man's all hate.

You know, Quig really cares, but the guy can't even reason with him.

Well, how can you reason with a guy who lives in the Dark Ages?

Hey, wouldn't it be terrific if we swing it for old Quig?

Well, swing what?

The computer.

Hey, yeah.

It'd drive Higgins right over the edge.

You guys must be dreaming.

The guy who's selling it wants 10 grand.

Who is that, Bradley?

A.J. Arno.

That big shot, uh, who runs the A.J. Arno investment company, huh?

Well, he's not such a big shot.

I mean, I think if we went down there and talked to him,

we could get him to donate it to the college.

Aw, man, listen, I'll lay you any kind of bet

we couldn't even get in there to see A.J. Arno.

Well, I don't know about that. I used to work for him.

Dexter, you just cleaned up at night.

Arno wouldn't even remember you.

What do you mean he wouldn't remember me?

Well, I always used to bump into him

in the elevator and halls and stuff.

And he always said hello... kind of.

You know, that's not too bad an idea.

You know, big firms...

they're always donating things to universities.

No. No trouble at all, Wexler.

I'm glad you boys dropped by.

Now, don't get me wrong.

I, uh, I'd love to donate the computer to Medfield.

I mean, I love that school.

I love the football team, the track team, the golf team.

It's a wonderful place, but, uh,

well, uh, I already give them $20,000 a year.

Gee, Mr. Arno, we didn't realize

that you'd already donated.

Well, believe me, if I didn't give them all that money,

I'd be glad to donate the computer.

But honestly, uh,

nobody could expect me to do both, now, could they?

No. - No. - No.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I can work something out.

Look, just give me a little time, huh?