Get Smart, Again!

Commander, it's Agent Beamish.

Verify.

It's him, sir.

Activate the door.

What's up, sir?

The fate of the world,

the president's blood pressure and you!

Sit down, sit down!

I have the president on security channel three, sir.

As most of you know,

our foremost atmospheric physicist Dr. Marcus Hottentot

achieved a remarkable breakthrough last week

when he discovered the Hottentot formula,

the key to global climate control.

This past week, he disappeared.

Today I learned the Hottentot formula is in the hands

of a terrorist organization called KAOS.

They have used our formula to create their own

weather machine, which is capable...

The president should be wearing an overcoat.

He's gonna freeze to death.

He should be in his office.

Just minutes ago, I was contacted by KAOS.

- He is in his office. - Demanding we pay them

$250 billion in small bills within seven days.

This added to our deficit problem

makes the situation intolerable.

KAOS must be destroyed before they destroy us.

I put the fate of our nation in your capable hands.

What do we think?

I think this is just another snow job

from the White House.

Hottentot was a recluse, lived in his laboratory.

How did KAOS know about him, contact him?

I strongly suspect we have a double agent in our midst.

Wait a minute,

you mean it could be someone in our own organization?

Unfortunately, yes, and this presents a major problem.

Who do I trust to head this operation?

If you're right,

I suggest we find somebody outside the company.

I have just the fella.

Now what was his name?

He worked for us years ago at Control.

That was an agency we created back in the '60s

to deal exclusively with the evil organization KAOS.

I can see him, beady eyes, weird voice.

Maxwell Smart.

Well, let's see if he's still active.

Run a check, Williams.

Maxwell Smart, currently serving as a protocol officer

for the State Department, substituting for senior officials

who want to avoid functions such as ship christenings,

weddings, funerals, circumcision.

Good, he's still with us.

How can we reach Smart now?

He has a shoe phone, sir.

A shoe phone?

In those days, shoe phones were standard issue

for all Control agents, let's call him.

Merriweather, Control was phased out almost 20 years ago.

It's inconceivable to me that anybody in his right mind

would still be wearing his phone.

Oh, well, give it a try.

Get Smart.

- What? - What?

Gentlemen, I'm afraid you're going to have to carry on

without me.

Sorry about that.

This is Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 speaking.

This is Commander Drury,

head of the United States Intelligence Agency.

This is the single most important telephone call

you will ever receive.

The fate of the world depends upon you.

Could you hold that thought for a second, sir?

Someone's coming.

He put the world on hold.

Sorry, Commander, you were saying?

This is the single most important telephone call

you will ever receive.

The fate of the civilized world depends upon you.

What about our side, sir?

Smart, I want, what was that noise?

Could my phone be bugged?

Could be my phone, I have shoe waiting.

I'll get back to ya.

- Hello, 99. - Max!

I have some very exciting news for you,

but I'm gonna have to call ya back,

because I'm on my other shoe.

Commander, go ahead.

Smart, I think it would be immeasurably easier

if I tell you in person.

Could you speak a little louder, sir?

They're throwing dirt in my grave.

They're throwing dirt in your?

You handle this.

Smart, Lambert here.

The commander wants you to report to,

hello?

He's not answering.

His phone's out of order, sir.

Well, try his other shoe.

I can't believe I said that.

It's unlisted, Commander.

He's bound to contact us, sir.

He doesn't know where we are.

In all probability,

he'll report to the old Control secret headquarters.

Good, where's that?

I don't know, it was a well kept secret.

Yes.

I think I like it.

I like it, too.

But I'm not sure about America's most glamorous spy.

Oh, well, of course it's hard for you to be objective.

I'm convinced that we've got a bestseller in the making,

if we can get...

Me to finish the book.

I seem to have three problems with writing:

how to start a sentence, how to continue it,

and how to finish it.

Oh, nonsense, everyone thinks you're doing

a marvelous job.

Everyone?

I thought my manuscript was being kept top secret.

It is, no one's read it except Nick,

my assistants Allison and Claudia, Chuck, and myself.

Well, please don't let anyone else see it.

Some of this material may still be classified,

and until we get it cleared, I'm a little apprehensive.

Oh, well, of course,

of course.

Oh, afraid I'm gonna have to run along.

I've got a lunch date.

We'll see you soon,

with the new pages, I hope.

Lisa.

- Mr. Smart is here. - Oh, by all means,

send him in.

Your husband's here.

Max here?

I wonder why.

99, I've got some very exciting news for you.

I got a call on my shoe phone.

I may be reactivated, and I want you to give me your,

oh, hello.

Max, this is Lisa Spencer my editor.

Oh, how do you do?

Nice to meet you.

Oh, Mr. Smart, this is a great honor.

I've been reading all about you.

You are quite a remarkable man.

Yes.

And congratulations on being reactivated.

Ah, well, that's not official, my being reactivated.

Look, you two wanna talk, I've got an early lunch.

Why not use my office?

You're sure it'll be all right?

Oh, of course.

Your wife's book's gonna be a best seller, don't you think?

Well, I certainly hope so.

I'm looking forward to reading it.

You haven't read it yet?

We agreed there could be a conflict.

I'm planning on writing my memoirs.

Make sure you bring them to us.

Who called you on your shoe, Max?

Commander Drury,

head of the United States Intelligence Agency.

What did he say?

That the fate of the world was in my hands.

You know, the usual.

Anyway, I'm supposed to report immediately.

Where?

Well, I can't tell you that.

Is it a secret?

I have no secrets from you, 99,

it's just that my shoe phone was demolished

before I could complete the call,

and I didn't know where to go,

and then when I went over to Control headquarters,

I found it was abandoned.

Oh, maybe it's just as well, Max.

You've been out of the spy business for a long time,

and being an agent is very taxing.

Are you sure you can handle it?

Handle it, handle it?

Are you kidding me, 99?