Outrageous Fortune

'This is a message for Wolfgang West.

'Because of him, his family has no furniture, food, clothing, anything.

'Thanks to you, Wolf, our home's been gutted.'

Now she's got a sugar daddy buying her brand new beds.

How the fuck can he afford that?

He perfed.

It's not you, Cheryl. It never will be.

Whatever happens next, remember it's down to you.

SIRENS WAIL

What the fuck's going on? Wolf.

I'd rather go back to prison than see a corrupt prick like Wayne Judd walk free.

You are under arrest for extortion.

Listen. Whatever he said to you is bullshit. He didn't do anything.

It's OK. We'll sort this out.

He didn't do anything!

Got a court hearing, got let out, got here. Told you I would.

Stop that.

This?

Yes. You're distracting me.

Good.

I'm working... on my script.

I want your cock inside me now.

Is that in your script?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Shit. Fuck.

Not again.

How can we bloody misuse drugs when Mum won't let us have any in the house

cos you bastards keep raiding us every day? Hey! Hey!

What have we done now?

Misuse of Drugs Act.

That old chestnut. Van's got them hidden up his arse.

She's joking.

What have we done this time? Drugs.

Oh good. Listen, if you fellas find my cigarettes, let me know, eh?

Hello, Cheryl.

Wayne.

OK. I'm sensing a vibe here.

Everybody, meet Monica — my ex-wife. Take your shot. Every other bastard has.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

# Lying in the gutter,

# I cut the cord from my mother.

# She pat me on the head and said,

# 'Go to sea, boy. Get to sea, man.'

# My luck in the gutter black.

# I guess I'm running back...

# ...to you.

# You in my brain. You in my heart. #

No one's actually been in here since the last time you checked.

Just doing my job.

Can you imagine it, Glenn? Pascalle, in Pakistan, sharing a tent with her boyfriend.

He's a doctor. You've told me all this before.

The point is, they're not having sex. Can you imagine it?

Sharing a tent with Pascalle and not having sex with her?

Loretta, stop fucking stirring. Now, where are my cigarettes?

In your lungs.

Stuff it. I should give up.

Whoa. You sure that's a good idea?

Why wouldn't it be?

No reason.

This is bullshit and you know it. He's done nothing.

Don't worry, Cheryl. It's just a game.

What game's that, Wayne?

You want me to break parole — find some excuse to send the bad cop back inside.

You're the one crossed the line.

What line? We're not bloody criminals.

Piss off, Monica.

Yeah, well, we're done here.

For now.

So, who's rostered on to harass us tomorrow?

This is bullshit. You don't deserve it.

They got nothing on me, and nobody here's doing anything wrong.

It's gonna stay that way, you hear?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Oh, Jesus. What now?

Hi.

Repo men.

Bye, TV.

It was good while it lasted.

Yeah. The oven was lovely. Really good for cooking.

If you ask me, appliances are overrated.

Oh, come on, babe.

Oh.

Hey.

You said you would come with us.

I have to go to work.

No. We need your opinion. I have to go to work.

You can't. Your car's broken. Since when?

Since someone took your distributor cap.

Fuck you.

Shit, I'm sorry. I thought I had it covered.

Nah, it's OK.

No, it's not.

No, it's fine. You'll get off. You'll get your perf money and we'll be semi-rich.

Yeah, and you've given up smoking. It'll save us heaps.

OK. As for the fridge and everything, don't worry about it. I'll sort it.

Huh? Huh?

You want to get married here?

Yeah.

What's wrong with the back lawn?

No.

No. This is gonna be the best wedding ever. Yeah.

See, here we're gonna have, like, a big tent, man, with a kick-arse sound system, you know?

And over there, mini-tanker.

And, um, there's gonna be fairy lights in all of these trees,

and then I'm gonna walk down this aisle, and we'll have rose petals.

And the band will be playing Highway To Hell. (LAUGHS)

No, they are not.

They are. And you're gonna be wearing this real short black wedding dress.

I am wearing white, and I don't care what anyone says.

And later on, when everyone's pissed, we'll sneak off into the bushes and we'll find a tree—

Oh, luckily there's plenty to choose from.

So,... do you think it's cool?

Great. Fantastic (!)

Good luck paying for it.

No.

Falani.

Cheryl.

Eric here? No. Where is he?

You'll have to talk to Eric about that.

OK, Falani, where is he?

Dunno.

When's he due back?

He's kinda... disappeared.

Like my best friend at Apia College, who got swallowed up by a whale.

Falani, why has Eric disappeared?

Cos of you. What? Why?

There's this heinous cow lady copper, right?

She's been leaning on Eric to provide information about you.

Well, there's nothing to tell.

Which is what Eric told the heinous cow lady cop.

But she didn't believe him.

So he's done a runner?

Or some bad peoples got him,

which I hope not, cos even though Eric was a sick man with a personal hygiene problem—

He's left you in charge of the galleria.

Nope. That was Wolf.

When news of Eric's departure reached his state-funded holiday,

he gave me a call and said he needed someone to look after the shop.

If you're in charge, then I need some stuff. What sort of stuff?

Oh, oven, fridge, washing machine, telly.

I understood from Wolf that Sergeant Judd was looking after you now.

There's a bit of a problem at the moment. Just need to borrow some stuff for a while.

Borrow? Mm.

This is a business I'm running here, not a library for appliances.

I know. It used to be my business.

Look, I just want a sodding oven and a washing machine and a fridge and a telly. Just until we get sorted.

The last thing Wolf said to me was, 'If Cheryl comes here, tell her she made her bed; she can lie in it.

< 'And don't you dare raise a fucking finger to help her!' Oh, sorry for the swearing, Cheryl.

It's gonna be an expensive wedding.

Yeah, well, you only get married once, eh?

Unless you count my last wedding, which I don't, cos we never actually made it to the end.

You should get my cousin's band, bro. They'll do it for free.

The Sting cover band?

Yeah.

Uh, maybe not, eh?

Then you're gonna be forking out heaps.

So? We've both got jobs.

Not a good sign. As signs go.

Be careful what you say to Mr Hong, all right?

He's still a bit fucked up since Suzy left him.

She's just shacked up with this pilot that she used to root.

She rooted him while they were actually flying?

Apparently. That can't be safe.

That's not the point. The point is he's not taking it very well.

So don't mention it, all right?

I wasn't going to. >

Uh,...

um, I was just kinda wondering — these couple of signs turned up down at the store.

'Closing-down sale'? Yeah. I was just wondering — do you want me to sell them?

Put them in the window. Not sell them.

Why do you want to close it down? I thought the store was making money.

Got an offer. Hard to say no. I'll tell you when to put them up.

So you haven't actually sold?

Still thinking.

Then think no, man.

Don't tell me how to think. It's nothing to do with you.

It's got everything to do with me. It's my life.

Business decision.

So some prick comes along and makes you an offer,

and it's, 'Oh, see you later, Van.' 'Yeah, bye, best manager that place has ever had.'

The only manager.

The point is it's wrong to sell it, and you know it.

No. Good offer. Very tempting.

You ask him yourself.

Ask who?

Your brother. He's the prick.

No, Van. I don't want to buy The Lucky Dollar Store.

Then why are you trying to give Mr Hong money for it?

On behalf of my client, Van.

Who's your client? I can't tell you.

Since when did you start doing property?

Since they started paying me.

Look, I need this job, man, to pay for my wedding and to live and shit.

There are other jobs, Van.

You've got other clients!

Yeah, who pay me in meat packs.

So if the goose with the golden egg comes along, no way am I saying no.

Even if it means shafting me?

Van, while you're standing here with your dick in your hand,

it's already going through Council. Done and dusted.