Lopez

Hey, Olly, what's up with this marquee?

Where are you?

All right, don't move.

What the hell is Tiddlypie doing on the marquee for my show?

Hi.

And welcome to fabulous Las Vegas.

Tiddlypie was just a stopgap measure.

It's a temporary solution to a situation.

Okay, what are you babbling about?

Did one of your apps finally tell you how to destroy my bookings?

Hello, I'm your manager. Have we not met?

This is my job. I'm trying to keep things afloat

while you go off and pull another Lopez.

- A Lopez, what's that? - She means "go off the rails."

You know, jefe, when you get under the influence and go off?

Okay, that hasn't happened in years.

Okay, well, it just happened. Do you know I have a backup booked

for every single show that you do? And it's a good thing I do too.

Tiddlypie just happened to be the backup for this gig,

- and he killed it. - Yeah, George.

He wasn't on for very long, but he killed it.

Enough Tiddlypie, damn it!

Look, I think we've all just leaned in here.

Tensions are running hot.

Maybe we just pivot out of this and...

Oh, and what, get some goddamn traction?

If we're lucky.

Do you realize your little bender

put this entire residency show in play?

Oh, so this is my fault?

And it wasn't a bender, all right?

It was a beautiful thing. You guys wouldn't understand.

I was in the desert drinking cough syrup.

They call it Tussin. Man, we're out there,

kinda looking for change and metal artifacts.

Help me, help me.

I found a fork in the middle of nowhere.

George, baby, we have a meeting

with the promoters in 20 minutes,

and I don't want to say that they've moved off of you,

but they love Tiddlypie.

Screw him.

Listen up, we just need to show them

that you are all-in, okay?

Okay, you know what? We don't need to show them anything,

because there is no more "we."

You're fired.

Okay, so pick a phone, and whichever one you pick,

call Danny and tell him he's fired too.

Okay.

I don't know about firing Danny, George.

Okay, you know what, you're fired too.

Oh, I don't actually technically work for you.

My contract is with...

Okay, then just get the hell out of here.

Jefe, you don't want to make decisions when you're upset.

Yeah, you know what, Manolo?

I do want to make decisions when I'm upset.

And you know what? You're fired too.

Because if you hadn't been on parole,

you would have driven me to Vegas like you were supposed to,

and none of this would have happened.

But it was not my fault.

I have a felony conviction for robbery.

Yeah, it's not your fault.

You were in a getaway car, okay?

Even if you were on your way to Vallarta

to get pan dulce for your mom.

Get out of here, man. Go.

Go get in line for Thunder Down Under.

I guess I'm next.

Well, you haven't done anything yet, all right?

So I'll keep you posted.

Gamble.

Mr. Lopez, I have to admit, you gave us quite a scare.

- I wasn't scared. - I was scared until Tiddlypie showed up.

Pang!

What's up with the arm?

Oh, it's a rounder. Cricket.

Yeah, I was just saying he hit it out of the park.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm glad Tiddlypie

was able to keep my seat warm.

Yeah, my team totally dropped the ball.

Well, we're here now.

I want you to know that I'm totally committed

to The Flamingo. I mean, I love this place.

Look, it's like classic Las Vegas.

Yes, it is.

To be clear, we're not part of the Flamingo Casino.

We're just workshopping the show in the theater.

Please, have a seat.

Oh, well, if you're not with the casino,

then... then who are you?

We're Woodwind and Associates,

an investment group focused on entertainment opportunities

in venues with legalized gambling.

Vegas, Laughlin, Reno,

Mississippi, Louisiana, Macau.

Our reach is global and our pockets are deep.

And when we find the right talent,

we get behind them with our full arsenal of resources.

We think you're the right talent.

Wow, that is impressive,

and I want you guys to know that I will not let Woodwind down...

Is it "Woodwind"?

- Yeah. - Yes, like a clarinet.

- Why? - Oh, nobody knows.

I mean, have you ever tried to get a name cleared?

But we are very glad that you're on board.

We've been running models on every aspect of your career,

and we think this is a good fit.

After intense focus-grouping at the Planet Hollywood Mall,

we realize that we can maintain your core audience

of African Americans and Latinos,

while reaching out to...

Whites and Asians.

- Yeah. - These two.

- Oh. - Yeah!

Young and old.

- Excuse me? - Sorry, nothing.

Anyway, George, you're our perfect storm.

I mean, if you were any more successful,

you wouldn't want to be here.

And if you were any less successful,

we wouldn't want you.

Oh, pang! It's a perfect fit.

You did it again, yeah.

Now, about your show.

Yeah, the show.

You know, the old act...

Oh, yeah, out the window.

We know, but we don't want the old stuff.

We want a whole new act.

This show has got to be big, George.

We've lined up the top choreographer on The Strip.

- Oh, yeah. - Lionel Debonet.

He's gonna work with you.

Oh, oh, oh.

I've got something that's gonna make us feel good.

Darren Jax just signed on to do our multimedia work.

- Darren Jax! - We got Jax!

- Jax! - We got Jax!

Okay, well, choreography and multimedia, that's...

George, this is Las Vegas.

People expect spectacular.

And a guy standing onstage holding a microphone,

not spectacular.

Even in Laughlin.

Oh, not even in Poniqua.

Poniqua, where's that?

Oh, it's a new Indian tribe outside of Fresno.

Okay, well, you know... Wow, it's a lot to take in.

You know, the multimedia, I don't...

I'm not sure that's what I do.

Well, I'm not too worried about it.

If it's not what you do,

it certainly is what Tiddlypie does.

God, I love that guy! I love him!

- He's so good. - Yeah, he's funny.

Oh, George, relax. Take it all in.

- Okay. - In 45 minutes,

Lionel's gonna meet you in the dance hall.

Oh, and George, we've lined up a great writer.

He's gonna pull it all together for you.

- Yeah. - A writer?

Not sure how I feel about the direction of things.

George, you got to take a page from my book.

Wait a minute, you got a book deal?

Yeah, I self-published because I believe in my product.

I doubled down.

Hey, George Lopez.

Hey, Josh. What are you doing, man?

- Hey. - I remember Josh.

The joke accountant.

What are you doing in Vegas?

Well, technically I'm here to make sure

you're not using any of the contested material

in your act, but last night I only saw

that Tiddlypie wasn't using the material.

Where were you?

Yeah, where were you?

It's a long story.

I had a little car trouble coming into Las Vegas.

You know I wouldn't use any of that material.

I know, George.

To be honest, I just wanted to see Vegas

and see how you were doing,

and all on the company's dime.

Wait a minute, you've never been to Las Vegas?

- Nope. - Tell you what,

I'm gonna show you all there is to see about Las Vegas.

I'm gonna show you the greatest places I know,

but I gotta do it later, because I got a meeting

with my choreographer.

That's another long story.

I'll bet.

You know, I've already lost over 4,000 bucks.

On nickel slots?

Yeah, I need a breather.

You mind if I tag along?