The Big Bang Theory

The interface is pretty simple.

You put your horizontal "X" coordinate here,

vertical "Y" coordinate here.

When you're happy with those, you press this button.

Got it.

Leonard, you'll never guess who I just found online-- Hey!

Nice shot.

Eh, his giant head did most of the work.

Very mature.

You're lucky I'm out of Silly String.

As I was saying, Leonard,

you'll never guess who I just found online: Professor Proton.

: You're kidding.

He's still alive?

Yes!

Who's Professor Proton?

He was the host of this great-- Hey!

Yes!

Sorry, tell me about Professor Proton.

Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show

when I was a child.

I never missed an episode.

He demonstrated scientific principles

using everyday objects.

It was pretty cool.

Aw, so cute when you use the word "cool" wrong.

Like when kids say "pasghetti."

Oh, dear Lord!

Leonard, look!

He's still available for parties and events.

We should hire him.

Hire him to do what?

Well, whatever we want.

Hang out, do experiments,

make him take 12 pictures with us

so we can make a calendar.

It would be pretty awesome to hang out with him.

I just used "awesome" wrong, didn't I?

Well, I'm e-mailing him right now.

Do you remember his old theme song?

Of course I do.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Hey, I just found out

I have to be at the telescope lab all weekend.

Any chance you and Bernadette could take care of my dog?

Why don't you put her in a kennel?

Why don't you put your mother in a home?

To be honest, she'd do better in the kennel.

I'll talk to Bernie.

I'm sure it's fine.

Thank you.

It's happening! It's happening!

Professor Proton is coming to our house.

You're kidding!

You mean the guy who used to host that lame kids show?

And you just got yourself uninvited.

See? I told you I'd find a tactful way to do that.

How'd you get him to come to your house?

As Professor Proton always says,

"There is no problem you can't solve

if you use your noggin."

And he wrote him a check. Yeah, that, too. Big check.

: Uncle Howard!

Cinnamon's here for her sleepover party!

You know if you had a stroke, she'd eat you, right?

And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

Okay, so what do I need to know to take care of her?

It's very simple.

For breakfast, she has an egg-white frittata.

Feel free to give her a choice

of home fries or an English muffin, but not both.

We're watching our weight.

Uh, for dinner, something simple--

a veal chop, some scampi, whatever you like.

Classy dog. Yes.

Also, don't forget to close the toilet

or she'll drink out of it.

I feel for ya.

I've got a psychotic mommy, too.

Leonard, are you in bed?

Yes.

Me, too.

Great.

I can't sleep.

Well, I can, so shut up.

Do you realize that in less than nine hours,

Arthur Jeffries, aka Professor Proton,

will be in our apartment?

Sheldon, you know that if you stay up all night,

you're gonna be sleepy tomorrow.

And a sleepy Sheldon is a cranky Sheldon.

And a cranky Sheldon...

is actually no different than a regular Sheldon.

Good night!

I'm thinking of wearing a tuxedo.

That's not ridiculous.

Good night.

Do you have cufflinks?

No.

Ah, just as well. Where can you rent a tuxedo

at 3:00 in the morning?

Okay, good night.

Nice to meet you, Professor Proton.

Nice to meet you, Professor Proton.

Nice to meet you, Professor Proton.

Nice to meet you, Professor Proton.

Nice to meet you, Prof...

Ow!

Leonard?

What?

I still can't sleep.

She really tuckered herself out at the park, huh?

Yeah, you two were so cute playing together.

It was kind of fun throwing a ball

and not having anyone laugh at me.

And you were sweet not to throw it too far

so she didn't wear out her tiny legs.

: Yeah, that's what I was doing.

You know, there were a few moments today

when I almost felt like we were a little family.

Really? Yeah.

I never thought of myself as a mom,

but when the three of us were out there having fun,

I felt like maybe someday we could do it.

Of course we can.

Especially if our baby's as calm and quiet

as little Cinna...

Son of a bitch, she's gone!

Where'd she go?!

I don't know! She didn't leave a note!

You were the one

who was supposed to put her back in the stroller!

No, I wasn't! You were!

No, I wasn't! Yes, you were!

Yeah, well, you throw like a girl!

I'm getting worried.

Relax, Sheldon, he's only a few minutes late.

Professor Proton was never late when he was on TV.

You know, every day, 4:00, he was there.

Unless tornadoes were ripping apart East Texas,

in which case, we'd join him in progress.

It's him.

Hello.

Well, I see.

Yes.

All right, we can come get you.

Yeah, well, see you soon.

Bye. Where is he?

The third floor landing.

The poor old guy's been walking up the stairs for half an hour.

It's really you.

Mr. Jeffries, I am so sorry.

We should've told you about the broken elevator.

I agree.

Professor Proton, it's an honor to meet you.

Just-just call me Arthur.

Leonard...

...you hear that?

Professor Proton said

I should call him Arthur.

That means we're friends.

No.

A friend would've-would've told me about the elevator.

Look at me.

I can get as close to you as I want

without my mom saying it's going to ruin my eyes.

Is, uh, is he dangerous?

Actually, he's a genius.

I am.

Th-That doesn't answer my question.

Mr. Jeffries, I'm-I'm Leonard.

This is my girlfriend, Penny.

Hi.

Hello.

Well, I hope I haven't kept

the kids waiting too long for-for the show.

Oh, no, there are no kids.

No, the-the show's for me.

Come on. I'll race ya...

Arthur.

Is the, is the blonde girl really your-your girlfriend?

Yes, sir.

You're the genius.

So, do you do a lot of appearances like this?

It-It's hard to say.

I'm-I'm still trying to figure out what...

what-what this is.

We just wanted to hang out with you

and maybe learn a little about your life.

Well, there-there really isn't too much to tell.

After the TV show was-was canceled,

nobody in the scientific world

would, uh, would take me seriously.

So I was forced

to do these, uh, children's parties

to-to make a living.

That's too bad.

But still, working with kids-- it must be rewarding.

You-you get bit a lot.

Let me see if-if I have this straight.