Delitto a Porta Romana

- And, of course, as starting quarterback, Bella Dawson.

What, what!

Sorry, it's just still so exciting.

- Anyway, so that's our starting lineup for next week.

Newt, you are not starting.

Who did that?

All right, one more thing.

Last week's game ball.

Normally we award this

to the most outstanding player of the game.

But last week, we had two outstanding players.

I'm awarding the game ball to both Sawyer and Troy.

My wide receivers.

What! What!

Promise, last time.

- You guys, uh, cool with sharing?

Of course, my good man.

Indubitably.

Care for a spot of tea?

Oh, wonderful.

- I knew I never should have turned you guys

onto "Downton Abbey."

Dawson, a word.

- Coach, I know what this is about.

And, yes, I promise to keep my "What! What!" under control.

Well, that's not why I brought you in here,

but I appreciate that.

Yeah, look, Dawson, when you first joined the team,

I wanted you to learn the game.

Now that you've done that, it's time you learn

the other part of being a quarterback--leadership.

You can count on me, coach.

Good.

Because leadership is much more than throwing touchdown passes.

You gotta guys keep these guys on their workouts

and practice schedules, make sure they stay out of trouble,

go to class, wash my car.

Wash your car?

- All a part of being quarterback.

But the most important thing a leader does...

is keep the team together at all costs.

You gotta keep an eye out for a potential problems.

Little things can turn into big things

if you don't nip them in the bud.

- Coach, I was captain of the cheer squad.

Problem solving was like the job description.

One time, Taylor and Madison were arguing over

whether we should yell

"Hustle!" or "Dynamite!"

And I made them turn their feelings into--

- Oh, that's great. Girl power.

- Congratulations on the game ball, guys.

Maybe someday when I'm a starter I'll get one of those, too.

"Yeah, buddy, it'll happen."

- Oh, yeah, right. - Oh, yeah.

Wow, thanks, guys.

- All right, so what do you think about storing

our game ball in my basement?

I know a nice spot right between the photo of me fist bumping

Obama and the computer I used to fake that photo.

That's an interesting idea.

But I need something to throw at my rooster in the morning

when I wanna sleep in.

Rooster's don't have snooze buttons.

- Why don't you guys leave it somewhere you'll both see it

every day?

- Above the urinals in the bathroom?

Oh, good call.

Oh, man.

No, dummies.

The locker room.

That could work, too.

I mean, I guess.

It's weird.

You not being a part of the cheer squad this year.

It feels like the end of an era.

- Well, you may not have me for the bake sale,

but you do have... my snicker doodles!

Doodles, doodles, doodles!

This bake sale is gonna be awesome.

You'll make enough money to pay for the whole cheer retreat.

I'll help you get started right now.

Hey, that's a dollar.

Mm, this is so awesome.

You need to buy like four of these.

Bella owes one dollar.

Excuse me.

- Or maybe not, she did make them.

- Excuse me, how much are these cookies?

- This is a good cause, and we need the money.

Make up your mind.

I'm trying to buy something here.

I wanna buy something, too.

Your silence.

How mean.

Can you believe that guy?

I am not mean.

Am I?

No.

That guy is rude.

Telling me to make up my mind.

I have no problem making up my mind.

Or do I?

No way.

Yo, which one of you cheapstakes wants to buy a sugar cookie?

- So, coach, if I keep drinking these and put on

20 pounds of pure muscle, grow 8 to 10 inches in a month,

you think I could be a starter for the Bulldogs?

You ever considered ping pong?

You certainly have the bone structure.

Oh, I mean I--

- Oh, look, the bake sale's starting.

Snickerdoodles here I come.

Good to see everybody's

following their workout schedule.

If anyone has any questions,

I took the weight-room orientation class.

- Hey, Bella, you wanna spot me?

QB at your service.

- Uh, all right, I gotta warn you.

This is the get psyched portion of my workout so--

Ow!

Cardboard bruise.

Troy, I might be awhile.

This machine will probably wear out before my arms do.

Ah, no worries.

It'll give the Troy more time to practice my post-game interview.

I wanna come off as humble yet extraordinary.

- Yeah, 'cause nothing says humble like putting

a "the" in front of your name.

- This coming from a guy who wears a five-pound belt buckle.

We get it, you're from Texas.

We all are.

- Do they always argue like this?

- Well, they've always been competitive,

but things have gotten personal.

I--I guess it makes sense.

Troy and Sawyer are both playing the same position.

And they both wanna be the number-one receiver.

I wonder if this is gonna be an issue.

You're a real funny guy, Troy.

Funny smellin'.

- I think you're smelling my butt,

because you're so slow, you're always behind me.

So your butt smells?

Yeah.

Wait.

You know what I mean.

- Whoa, guys, can we please just agree

that everybody's butt smells?

Now let's get back to getting buff!

Okay.

I'm gonna do some sit-ups.

I think I'll do about 500.

- Wait, yeah, well, I'm gonna 501.

- Oh, man, this is gonna be an issue.

I've gotta do something about this.

Bella, help.

Oops, sorry, Newt.

You saved my life.

But hurt my pride.

- On the other hand, if you want sweet and salty,

I'd go with the salted caramel brownies.

Great, I'll have those.

- Then again...if you just want something salty, oh,

I'd go to the vending machine and get some barbeque chips.

- Ooh, barbeque does sound good.

Thanks.

No problem.

What?

She just wanted some chips.

- Pepper, you just lost us a sale.

You keep giving customers 30 choices, including the option

to not buy anything at all.

You're completely indecisive.

Well, you're mean.

You made that one girl cry.

- She was trying to pay with pennies.

She was six.

Oh my gosh, I am mean.

You are.

And I kinda think I might be indecisive, maybe.

- No wonder we haven't been selling anything.

- We can't handle this at all without Bella.

I need a brownie.

Or a lemon square.

These flavors do not blend well.

- No, we can handle this on our own.

We just have to change our approach.

From now on, I'll be nice and you'll be--

- Mm, there's so many different things I could be.

A doctor, a lawyer.

The president.

Pepper.