Family Guy

Episode 15 - Hard Boiled Meg

A little taste of the future right here in Quahog?

That's right. Virtual Reality World

has just opened its doors to the public.

For those of you who don't know what VR is,

I will now attempt to explain it to you

without the aid of a teleprompter.

You put a computer on a face,

and it's like this whole world, man. It's crazy.

I dated a chick whose little brother had one.

Just nuts.

- Guys, let's go to VR World. - Hell yeah.

- Let's do it. - All right.

I mixed up the letters.

We-We'll... We'll-we'll get there.

Gentlemen, the going rate is 20 bucks a game over here.

Who's got a pair of stones big enough

to challenge the mighty Meg?

My money's on the table.

Can you please get out of my way?

- Come take my money. - My hand is bleeding,

and I need to wash it so it doesn't get infected!

Oh, okay.

He scurred. Everybody scurred.

Damn bunch of panzos over here.

Bruce, how we doing on those Gulden's packets?

I got my mind on my mustard and my mustard on my mind.

There it is.

What is going on with you today?

I'm just so bored.

Ain't nobody forcing you to stay here.

Go do something.

I did. I went over to that new car wash.

They got all the rainbow lights. Real classy joint.

Anyway, they say I can only go through five times.

Like, why would you restrict that?

Listen, Meg, I got to run.

A special-needs boy got his hands on a Rum and Coke,

and he's absolutely destroying the arcade.

Hey, if you really got nothing going on,

I could use a ride home.

Yeah, like I'm really gonna let some...

hot piece of ass in my car.

How the hell are you doing, boy?

I'm good, thanks.

My name's Seymour.

I'm Meg. But everyone here calls me Thrash.

- Heya, Meg. - Wow.

Yeah, I'll give you a ride.

Just hope you don't mind going fast.

Here, let me show you how it's done.

Oh, sorry. That's my phone.

Let it go to voice mail.

Gentlemen, welcome to Virtual Reality World.

Now, who's ready to put something on your face

that was on someone else's face 15 minutes ago?

Wow! Mine says, "Low battery. Charge immediately."

Is this real life?

- Aw, cool. "Virtual Reality" The Hulk.

What's going on? What's happening?

I don't know. It's weird. It keeps stopping and rebooting.

Eric Bana, smash.

Edward Norton, smash.

- Okay, here we go. Mark Ruffalo. - Are you smashing?

No, I'm mainly just updating my Twitter avatar

to raise awareness about fracking.

That's lame. Try getting angry.

Uh, I don't get angry. I vote.

I vote.

So, Seymour, you from around here?

Just moved here from Philly.

Oh, right on. I love Philly.

- I hated it... - Kind of a dump.

- When I had to leave. - Great town.

Maybe I'm thinking of Dallas.

- You want some mustard? - No, thanks.

I had a chalky, expired Kit Kat at the bowling alley.

Right on.

Sorry for all the packet racket.

These things can be a little tricky.

There we go.

Hooah! It's that tang that gets me.

Hey, Meg, would you mind pulling over at this 7-Eleven?

No doubt. I am the same way.

Once I start thinking about that hot case,

I gots to pull over.

I'll just do sex. You don't need that.

Wait right here.

What the...

What is happening right now?

Damn it. I should have just stayed home.

This is a bigger mistake

than the Bill Belichick Christmas album.

What's up with those hiccups?

I don't know.

I think I said "giggity..." too fast

when the guy was... explaining

how the goggles... sit on your face.

Now they're not going away.

- Boo! - What are you doing?

You can scare 'em away.

You thought that would scare me?

Crap. Why aren't they going away?

This is worse than the B side...

of that Bill Belichick... Christmas album.

Let's go, Meg! Drive!

All right, Meg.

That was awesome.

Where have you been all my life?

Probably mostly at my house.

Oh! One time, my dad took me to see Stevie Nicks

when my mom was sick.

What do you think she's gonna play next, Dad?

I don't know, but if it's "Edge of Seventeen,"

back up. I need some twirling room.

Oh, this is it! This is it!

Back up! Back up! Back up!

Well, look who's finally up.

Oh, I'm up, all right.

Meg, drive!

How do you want your eggs?

120 miles an hour

on the razor's edge between life and death.

Okay. I'll just do, like, a cheesy scramble.

Hey, Dad, is it all right if I use the car again?

Yeah, that's fine. Why? What do you got going on?

Oh, just some stuff.

What was all that noise in your bedroom this morning?

Oh, you know, not much.

All right, Mr. Quagmire,

I understand you have the hiccups.

Now, it says here on your chart you've tried "boo."

Outside of that, the best way to treat hiccups

is through hypnosis.

Yeah, hypnosis helps with all sorts of stuff.

This guy even helped me recover a traumatic repressed memory.

One front-row ticket for Nickelback, please.

The music was great,

but I split my black jeans during "Photograph."

The bouncers had to carry me out with a napkin over my ass.

My mama always said that hiccups

are a sign that the devil's got ahold of you.

If anything can drive 'em away, it's Reverend Lucius.

And, like all Black priests,

he's Whitney Houston's uncle.

Is this the possessed one?

Son, I'm now going to place my hands on the afflicted area.

Satan, release your grasp from this man.

In the name of Christ, I exorcise thee,

infernal invader!

Well, I'm out of purple-suited ideas.

Peter, what are you doing?

He's doing hiccup stuff. I'm doing hat stuff.

Easy with the fans, ladies.

Easy with the fans.

Right on time.

Meg, what are you doing? You're not gonna beat it.

Who said anything about beating it?

Can you pass me that retainer in the cup holder?

I have to wear it

or my teeth will shift.

That's smart.

Mine have shifted.

See?

Yes! That's what I'm talking about, Meg!

I love hanging out with you.

That was such a rush!

This must be what it's like to get a B12 shot.

Hi. I'm a bored white person looking to waste $60?

Well, I have a certificate

from a probably, like, three-day course

that says I can inject people with stuff.

That needle's clean, right?

You bet it is.

Hey... I saw your TV was on