Acting Good

Roger: This is not a test. I repeat, this is not a test.

Roger has been short-changed, stiffed, bamboozled,

hood-winked, greased, conned, swindled.

A real Montreal screw-job.

This is not a test.

Jo: What the hell is that sound?

Is that a new song by Big Makwa? Meh'.

I don't know, but it probably has something

to do with this email Roger sent.

The one with the subject line that says, "I quit?"

Yeah, that one.

- It was sent yesterday. - Rose!

We have to fix this.

Okay, let me respond, because it's my job.

- Got it. - "Okay, den. From Jo."

Send!-

- Nailed it. - Good one.

Hey, big sis. I need your help.

I just tried Little Fatty's Maximum Overkill.

They use salt from the Atlantic Ocean.

Not now. We have a crisis.

Oh. Hey, Rose.-

Hello, band office.

Can we talk over here?

He's just trying to borrow money.

As if.

Jo, I need to borrow money.

Can you fuck off?

Come on, man. It's an emergency!

This is the thirstiest I've ever been in my whole life.

I'm fucking scared, man.

Just drink some water.

Yuck! That's the worst part about juice.

Gramps McKay said he's going to throw shitty ass diapers

at our door if we don't get someone on the radio.

Fuck sakes.

If you want to make money so bad,

here's your chance to earn some.

I just wanna borrow money, I don't wanna earn it.

Rose: Okay. We don't know where he is either.

Ah!

- Rose: Alright, then. - You could impress Rose.

What do I gotta do?

Get on the radio.

Take some calls, play some songs.

Use that big mouth of yours.

Okay, fine, I'll do it,

but first I need a payday advance for some pop.

Jarred!

I'm just going to buy some more potato chips.

Uh, excuse me,

I got no time to talk.

Working man coming through.

"Okay den?"

Twenty years of nearly perfect work on the radio

and that's all she can say?

Paul: Hello?

Is this thing on or what?

Where's all the radio buttons that do all the radio stuff?

- Testing. Salt and vinegar. - Salt and vinegar.

There's too many dials and switches on this thing.

Man, what is this? A spaceship or a radio station?

I feel like Luke Skinwalker up in here.

As the rain melts my eyes,

the sky is grey.

All right, that was Waylon Jennings

or it could have been Cher.

We're going to let you decide.

We're gonna take a caller.

Who do ya got?

- Rita: Put Roger back on! - You're no damn good.

Uh, next caller.

Why would Roger just up and leave like that?

Ooh, I know. Maybe the answer to why he left is in this email

he sent with the subject line...

"Reasons why I left."

Rose!

Shit, well, go ahead and read them all out.

- Okay. - His reason is budget cuts.

Hey, you did that.

Fuck, this is boring.

What's this?

"Roger That: A self-published memoir by Roger Laughingstick."

Well, Grouse Lake,

do I or do I not do not read?

He's not going to read a "do not read" is he?

That'd be so embarrassing for Roger if he did.

Paul: Chapter Beezzhig.

He's doing it!

Paul: It was the best of times, it was the rez of times.

- 1996. - The year of the Toonie.

I didn't want to leave Grouse Lake

but my dreams were too big for this one-horse Rez.

I was freshly graduated from the Gift of the Gab Radio School

and I started my first day on the job.

My dreams were as big as everyone's fanny packs.

Welcome back

to Toba 89.6,

Winnipeg's Okayest Rock station,

with everyone's favourite show,

On the Fly with Micky Fly.

- Wow. - How does he do it?

Welcome back

to Toba 89.6,

with everyone's favourite show,

Roger in the City.

Looks like we got another caller.

- Man: Hey, Roger. - It's your biggest fan,

Elijah Harper.

If it wasn't for you,

I never would have turned down the Meech Lake Accord.

Hold that thought, Elijah.

- Woman: Hey, Roger. - It's your biggest fan,

Shania Twain.

- Roger? Roger! - Do you read me?

- Oh. Hey, Crystal. - Sorry.

Were you just dreaming about being in his spot?

Uh, no. I was just getting ready to do the traffic report.

Micky, get this. Traffic guy wants to do what you do.

Oh, this just in, Crystal, not everyone can get the city

buzzing like Micky Fly.

It's not that funny.

It's not funny?

Crystal: Wait a second.

You didn't think "Buzzin' like Micky Fly" was funny?

You know how long it took me to perfect this laugh?

Years.

Fuckin' years.

You don't learn to laugh like this in radio school, guy.

Let's hear your laugh, traffic boy.

Yeah.

Can you say something funny?

This guy needs a lead-in.

Okay, man.

No, I don't. Watch.

I'll laugh out of the blue.

Let me give you some free advice.

I didn't become Winnipeg's top laugher by fucking around.

Yeah, pay attention.

My laugh used to be a wild stallion,

'til I threw a lasso on it.

I tamed it and combed its mane.

Now, it will do what I say when I say it.

Here, girl.

Ah, here it comes.

Just over the horizon.

Wow.

Kid, you gotta control your laugh,

or your laugh will control you.

- All right. - Now, get on the air.

There's an umbrella in the middle of Portage

and traffic's at a stand-still.

Paul: All right, caller, you're on the air!

Gramps: Slow the fuck down, boy,

and stop breathing so heavy.

What do you want, Gramps?!

Gramps: Oh, I lost a transmission

driving over an umbrella once.

Boy, it still pisses me off.

You gotta let that go, man.

Gramps: Oh, just keep reading.

All the elders want to know how it ends.

Well, leave me alone, den!

Wait a minute.

This looks like a good part.

This could be the end of me.

- Roger! - Roger, get in here!

- Hurry! - Yeah, I'll call you back.

- What's up? - Another umbrella?

No, it's Micky!-

He just started laughing at one of his own jokes

- and now he just... - he can't stop.

I can't!

- A laugh flu. - I've heard of that!

Some DJs, they never come out.

Micky: You gotta control your laugh...

You gotta control your laugh, or your laugh will control you.

The stallion finally bucked him.

Can you get on the air?

Have you been practicing your laughing schtick?

- Oh, shit yeah. - Wanna hear it?

- No, there's... - there's no time! Just--

Just get in there and tame the beast. Go!

Now, Roger!

You're listening to Toba 89.6

Winnipeg's Okayest Rock Station.

I'm DJ Roger Laughingmug.

Laughinghat?

Laughing tire?

Why is there a tire in here?

- Wait! - Laughingstick!

Roger Laughingstick.

Paul: Shit! I fucked up Roger's storybook!

Jo, I need more pop money.

Fok'n guy.

Paul: Sorry, Grouse Lake.

We're having, uh, technical difficulties.

The words are all melted.

Caller, you're on!

Dean: Hey, man. You fucked up Roger's memory.