Parks and Recreation

- SO WHILE THEY REPAINT THE LINES IN THE PARKING LOT,

WE'RE ASKING EVERYONE TO DO STREET PARKING.

- I'M NOT STREET PARKING MY MERCEDES.

- WELL, EVERYONE IS. I'M DOING IT.

- 'CAUSE NOBODY WANTS TO STEAL A SATURN.

- ALL RIGHT, UH, MOVING ON TO RECYCLING.

- YOU OKAY, RON? - JUST A LITTLE TOOTH PAIN.

I'M FINE. CONTINUE.

- OKAY, EACH DEPARTMENT WILL BE GETTING BLUE BINS--

- DO YOU NEED TO GO TO THE DENTIST, RON?

I DON'T LIKE DENTISTS.

JUST A SECOND.

- HEY. - NO, NO.

NO!

- NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO!

all: AAH!

- OH! - WHAT THE ?

OH, MY GOD!

- I'M SORRY, EVERYBODY. WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT--

RECYCLING?

DENTIST PULLED THE TOOTH OUT YESTERDAY.

BUT IT'S ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA TO DEMONSTRATE

TO YOUR CO-WORKERS THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE

OF WITHSTANDING A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF PAIN.

PLUS, IT'S ALWAYS FUN TO SEE TOM FAINT.

*

ATTENTION, EVERYBODY!

EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP.

- YOU ARE ALL OFFICIALLY INVITED TO A DINNER PARTY,

7:00 P.M. TONIGHT AT OUR HOME,

WHICH IS OFFICIALLY MY FRIEND BURLY'S HOME,

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A HOME.

- THAT'S IT. THERE'S NO MORE LEFT.

GIVE IT TO HIM.

- WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR ALMOST A MONTH,

SO WE JUST DECIDED

THAT WE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL.

- AND DINNER PARTIES DO COMBINE TWO OF OUR FAVORITE THINGS--

DINNER AND PARTIES.

- PARTIES. - YEAH.

IT'S LIKE IF YOU COULD HAVE A XBOX PANCAKE.

YOUR INVITATIONS INCLUDE REQUESTS

FOR EACH OF YOU TO BRING STUFF,

'CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A WHOLE LOT.

DON'T BE LATE. - WATCH OUT.

- "DEAREST TOM, PLEASE BRING SILVERWARE."

- "PLEASE BRING COOKED STEAK." - THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

- THEY'RE YOUNG. THEY'RE IN LOVE.

THEY'RE READY TO SHOW IT TO THE WORLD.

IT'S VERY SWEET.

AND WE'RE ALL GOING. - WHAT?

THERE'S A BOY'S SALE AT DILLARD'S TODAY.

- HEY. - OH, HEY.

YOU GOING TONIGHT?

- YEAH. APPARENTLY THEY WANT ME TO BRING AVATAR

AND 50 PAIRS OF 3-D GLASSES AND A 3-D-CAPABLE TELEVISION.

- MM. - YEAH.

- WELL, I WILL SEE YOU THERE, WITH ALL OF THOSE THINGS.

- I WAS ACTUALLY COMING TO SEE YOU.

I WANTED YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING.

- OH, YEAH? - MY BOSS IN INDIANAPOLIS--

HE WANTS ME BACK ON THE ROAD IN A WEEK.

BUT THEN THIS MORNING CHRIS OFFERED ME A JOB

TO STAY HERE IN PAWNEE AND WORK FOR HIM.

- DO YOU WANT TO DO THAT? - WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE BEEN MOVING AROUND SO MUCH THE PAST FEW YEARS,

IT MIGHT BE NICE TO STAY IN ONE PLACE FOR A WHILE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? - WELL, THIS IS A GREAT CITY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S DEFINITELY THE BEST CITY IN INDIANA,

PROBABLY AMERICA, POSSIBLY THE WORLD.

SURE.

- BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU'VE PUT IN 12 YEARS

WITH THE STATE GOVERNMENT.

- SO YOU THINK I SHOULD SAY NO TO CHRIS

AND HEAD BACK TO INDIANAPOLIS OR...?

- IT'S A TOUGH CALL. YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO?

YOU SHOULD MAKE A PROS AND CONS LIST.

THAT ALWAYS WORKS FOR ME. - YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.

OKAY, MAYBE I'LL DO THAT.

- EXCELLENT. NICE TALKING TO YOU.

- GOOD STUFF. - YEAH.

OKAY.

SO HOW DOES THIS WORK?

- ALL RIGHT, YOU JUST FILL OUT YOUR NAME TAG,

AND YOU'RE ALL SET. - OKAY.

BUT I-I MEAN, DO I JUST GO UP AND TALK TO ANYONE,

OR DO I WAIT FOR THEM TO TALK TO ME, OR...?

- ARE YOU ASKING ME HOW TO FLIRT WITH MEN?

- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

IT'S A WHOLE NEW ANN PERKINS.

I'M PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE, MEETING SOME NEW PEOPLE,

HAVING SOME CASUAL FUN,

AND IT IS...AWKWARD.

- GAYLE WENT OUT AND GOT ME THIS NEW PARTY SHIRT.

SO BE HONEST-- WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?

YOU KNOW WHAT, JERRY?

I MAKE FUN OF YOU A LOT, BUT CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE.

YOU KNOW, I LIKE HOW THE--

DAMN IT. I WAS SO CLOSE. IT'S A TERRIBLE SHIRT.

- HEY, GUYS. OKAY, EVERYBODY LISTEN UP.

APRIL'S FRIEND ORIN IS HERE.

HE'S VERY INTENSE AND VERY WEIRD.

SO IF YOU END UP TALKING TO HIM,

JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON'T REVEAL

ANYTHING PERSONAL ABOUT YOURSELF.

- HEY, GANG. - HEY.

WHAT'D YOU BRING? - I WAS IN CHARGE OF THE CAKE.

TO BE FAIR, IT'S NOT A CAKE SO MUCH AS IT IS A VEGETABLE LOAF.

YOU GOT YOUR MUSHROOMS, YOUR ALFALFA SPROUTS,

YOUR SPINACH, AND I HAD IT SWEETENED WITH FRUIT REDUCTION.

- BUT DID THEY ASK YOU TO BRING A VEGETABLE LOAF OR A CAKE?

- NO, A CAKE, BUT THIS IS SO MUCH HEALTHIER.

- SO NOT ONLY DOES THIS THING EXIST,

BUT NOW YOU HAVE DEPRIVED EVERYONE OF CAKE.

- TAKE A WALK, RON. - YEP.

- DONNA. OH, MY GOD.

I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU HERE.

THESE THINGS ARE HORRIBLE WHEN YOU'RE BY YOURSELF.

WHAT?

- DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW?

WE'RE IN THE JUNGLE. THERE ARE NO FRIENDS HERE.

IT'S EVERY WOMAN FOR HERSELF.

- YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT? - DO I LOOK LIKE I'M JOKING?

DATING IS A ZERO-SUM GAME.

IF YOU GET A MAN, I DON'T GET THAT MAN.

- I'M HERE BECAUSE OF ADVICE THAT YOU GAVE ME

TO BE MORE ADVENTUROUS IN MY LIFE.

- HERE'S SOME MORE ADVICE-- BEAT IT.

HEY.

- BEN, HEARD YOU MIGHT BE LEAVING PAWNEE.

- I DON'T KNOW. I'M THINKING ABOUT IT.

WELL, YOU ARE A HUGE NERD.

BUT I'D BE SORRY TO SEE YOU GO, MAN.

THANKS, TOM.

- OKAY, THIS PARTY NEEDS A LITTLE HELP.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- SO ARE YOU GOING ON, LIKE, A YEAR-LONG WALKING TOUR

OF THE SET OF THE LORD OF THE RINGS

IN NEW ZEALAND?

- TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I WASN'T A FAN

OF, UH, PETER JACKSON'S INTERPRETATION.

SO YOU CAN PUT THAT ONE AWAY.

- ANDY, I THINK YOU MAYBE SHOULD PUT SOME MORE FOOD OUT.

- TOTALLY AGREE. JUST FIRING UP THE BAGEL BITES NOW.

- HEY. - OH, MY GOD.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- APRIL, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LET ME SEE YOU.

- NO, COME ON. YOU HAVE TO LOOK.

THIS IS IMPORTANT. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF I LOOK GOOD.

HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S GOING ON?

- UH, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A BIG SURPRISE.

BUT TONIGHT

ME AND APRIL ARE GETTING MARRIED...

TO EACH OTHER.

IS APRIL PREGNANT?

ARE YOU PREGNANT? - YES.

- YES? - NO.

- ARE YOU SICK? ARE YOU TERMINAL?

IS IT LIKE THAT MOVIE A WALK TO REMEMBER?

- YES. - WHAT?

- NO. GOD. - OH, GOD.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

WHY IS THIS GREAT THING HAPPENING?

- WELL, I MEAN, IT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY FUNNY STORY.

WE WERE HANGING OUT.

AND SUDDENLY, I WAS LIKE,

"WHAT IF WE GOT MARRIED TOMORROW?"

AND SHE WAS LIKE...

"FINE."

- SHE'S FINE. - THAT IS A GREAT STORY.

BUT YOU GUYS HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER VERY LONG,

AND YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO LIVE.

- WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER LONG ENOUGH,

AND WE'LL FIND A PLACE TO LIVE.

YEAH.

- LIKE, A HOUSE OR, LIKE, A CONDO OR SOMETHING.

PROBABLY A CONDO.

- IT'S--YOU CAN'T JUST GET A CONDO.

- NO, YOU'RE RIGHT-- HOUSE.

- I LOVE ANDY AND APRIL AS A COUPLE.

I WANT THEM TO STAY TOGETHER FOREVER.

BUT RELATIONSHIPS NEED PLANNING.

YOU JUST CAN'T JUMP INTO SOMETHING WITHOUT THINKING.

IT TOOK ME FOUR YEARS TO FIND THE RIGHT HAIRDRESSER,

AND WE STILL FIGHT ALL THE TIME!

ANDY AND APRIL ARE GONNA SURPRISE PEOPLE

WITH A SECRET CEREMONY.

- WHOA. SECRET WEDDING.

JULIA ROBERTS PULLED THE SAME MOVE.

- IS THAT THAT TOOTHY GIRL FROM MYSTIC PIZZA?

- RON, PLEASE, I NEED YOU TO HELP ME KNOCK SOME SENSE

INTO THEM.

- IT'S NOT REALLY MY PLACE OR YOURS.

- HI. I'M ANN. - BRIAN.

WHAT'S YOUR OCCUPATION?

- I'M A MANAGER AT A SPORTING-GOODS STORE.

- NO WAY. ME TOO. - SERIOUSLY? WHICH ONE?

- NO, I'M NOT. UM, I-I WAS JUST RIBBING YOU.

- WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING? - YEAH.

- WHAT? - OH, I DON'T KNOW.