Adult (Vuxen)

If you were the director, what would this documentary be about?

About life.

How does it feel growing old?

It's a horrible feeling.

You want to be young again? No, I would relive my misery.

What is your advice to young people with their lives in front of them?

They must be incredibly cautious with their life choices.

Existence has to agree with you.

Life is a prison, a disease with no cure.

I grew up with a grandmother who was bitter and depressed.

I don't remember seeing her happy her happy someday.

Throughout my childhood I despised her for it.

But now, in the throes of adulthood, I understand my grandmother.

She was depressed because of the wrong choices she made when she was young.

Soon I'll be 35, and I feel how life is slipping away.

None of my plans or dreams have come true.

Everyday life now just the remains of a life that never happened.

Is it normal to feel this way?

Or is it me who is naive, clinging to the past?

Hey, it's Shahriyar. How are you?

I'm well. I'm going up to Östersund to make a new movie.

A new documentary. Do you want to be in it? I'd like to interview you.

No, it's nothing dangerous. I just want to do a little interview with you.

Very briefly.

That's great! I'll call you when it's getting closer.

Hey! Hey. Are you Lukas? No. Who are you?

-Måns. -Hey, Måns. Hey.

Hello, friend.

-To daycare or school? School first.

-Are we becoming movie stars today? Yeah, we're coming with.

You need make-up or something? Nah, you look okay anyway.

Do I need makeup? Not at all? I look good.

Great. Let's go, gang!

Before 7th grade started, the county's 6th graders met here in the sports hall. Do you remember that?

No... I stood somewhere here.

It sounds like a movie, but that's how I remember it. You were... here.

I think you had a dark sweater.

I stood there with my friends. Then I saw you. You were shorter than your friends.

And then the lights of my world went out.

Then i saw you leave ... Wow!

"This is probably the most beautiful person I have ever met. "

You played with the ball and I was hoping you would end up in my class.

I was thinking, "How am I going to get close to this girl? "

"Well, you make films, because then you're doing something. "

If I hadn't seen this I wouldn't have become a director.

It's strange that such a small thing can change one's entire life.

I'm trying to find the meaning of my life. What is the meaning of your life?

Well, the purpose of my life is probably ...

Right now, where I am today, I want to see the kids grow-

-make sure they have it good, get into a good school, and affect their future.

Do you think you are on Earth, -

-to be a mother to Luke, Gry and Måns?

I do not know. I've been thinking: "What if I hadn't had Luke."

"Or Måns and Dawn." It feels so strange once you have them.

I feel remorse all the time. Isn't it like that for you?

Yes, absolutely.

-You would have wanted a second chance. Yeah, I would have liked that.

Then I would have made ​​other choices.

I had a hard time with abuse and stuff.

I was living alone with Lukas. There were many trials.

Sad things, where I gladly would have taken another way ... A lot like that.

What if I wouldn't have moved back home to Östersund, but waited a year-

What would have happened then? But then Lukas wouldn't be here.

I'm torn.

I would choose career success ahead of family life.

"You'll have a smash at the box office, make an "E.T." ... I say yes.

"But you'll never have children." I choose "E.T." instead of children.

We're different on that point. I want to have kids.

Oscar Oscarsson! Hey, buddy! It's been a while!

-Good To see you! Give me some love.

You've grown.

You know it's been 15 years since we graduated?

Not that it's been that long.

How did you think of a 34-year-old 15 years ago?

As old. As at the end of life. Basically.

It's not like that now. Not at all.

-So when do you become a grown-up? I tick all the grown-up boxes:

Kids, house, a small dog and a large station wagon where I can fit anything.

But I still think it's fun to play with the kids.

I might like it more than they do.

Here's what I think...

You recognize him? Yeah. That's Woody Allen.

When I see that picture I think of you.

Do you? Did I talk a lot about him? You did.

I'm gonna show you another picture.

-Do you remember him? -Jan Zelezny, Czech javelin thrower.

I dreamt of becoming Woody. You dreamt of becoming Jan.

-It didn't quite turn out that way. No..

Isn't that a bit sad?

It's hard to explain what it is to have two children and see new lives.

My dreams are more about them now.

You couldn't have been Jan and had a family? He does.

But maybe not in my situation.

When you see the Olympic medalists, like Christian Olsson and Carolina Klüft-

don't you wish you were them?

It was a goal to go far in the World Cup or the Olympics.

But I can't have regrets now.

The thing that annoys me is... what if the present just becomes... what never was.

What if it doesn't get better than this.

Yeah...

Is the camera rolling? This is an all time low.

If you were the director, what would this documentary about?

–About life. –Life?

The everyday life of people.

-Like your life? No, my life is shit.

Sometimes I get such anxiety that I just want to scream.

–Why is God messing around and not taking my life? You want to die?

Yes. I'm sick of life, and this world.

We start with Shahriyar Latifzadeh.

Thank you. It is an honor to inaugurate the film festival.

Almost 10 years ago, I received the Bo Widerberg scholarship.

It was a great day. "Now there's no telling how far I can go."

But the start of my adult life didn't turn out as I had imagined.

My dreams did not come true.

My first feature film didn't do that well.

Then I became obsessed with a favorite movie of mine - "Back to the Future."

How would it have been if you had a time machine?

What if you could change the mistakes you've made.

I'm making a documentary about the big questions of my life and interviewing retired people-

whom in my eyes are time machines.

I'm hoping that with their experience they can advise me on how I should live-

-in order to not become as unhappy as my grandmother.

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

We're gonna have a salad. Good.

Lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes.

Cherry tomatoes with the food.

My goal is to make you a vegetarian. Hold on to your hat now!

-You enjoy being retired. It is wonderful. It's great.

Many are worried about becoming retirees. I wasn't.

-Many believe life is gonna end. -Actually life begins then.

That's how you feel? Yeah.

When you and your friends looked back on the choices you made​​, was it:

- "Is this how I want to live?" I have no memory of us...

...using those words.

"Is this how we want to live?" Nooo.

Hey, you! Hey.

Should we go inside?

-I brought some coffee. We got to start in the kitchen.

You can walk around and have a look where you want to be.

Let's make some coffee.

Why couldn't I be handsome like George Clooney?

That requires that look. But am I not beautiful?

You look pleasant.

-Do I have a radio face? You definitely do.

Definitely. I'll pour the tea.

Take the opportunity to film my beautiful great grandchildren.

There's a director inside you, Bibi. Yes, but above all, a great-grandmother.

You are shy, you say. It's not noticeable.

I was very shy in adolescence.

I walked like this to not show I had breasts.

Mom had bought me a bra. I tried it on in front of the mirror.

The door was torn open - there was father. He slapped me.

-Why? I was just as dumbfounded myself.

Can you remember that day, that moment when you first felt grown up?

It was when I came home and said to Dad: I'm coming home now.

I didn't care what he thought.

Look what I brought with me! -Wow! Come in.

My life's first schnapps.

I think that should be enough.

Let's see here.

-My, my! Can I smell?

Well, it smells like booze.

-You don't do alcohol? I've gotten worse.

Then you'll have to invite me when it's been sitting a few days.

I wonder if we would have been friends if we were both 20 now.

What would we have done if we were that old in the 1960s?

-Girls, Football ... -Football, yes. I would have liked that.

Do you remember the day when you first felt that you were a grown-up?

It was probably when we got the flat.

When I got home from the bakery...

...I looked into the living room. We only had two rooms and a kitchen. Just like here.

"This will do fine," I thought.

Then I felt grown-up. My own apartment with my own key.

Ok, here we go.

-Be ready. Sure.

Now!

I always live for tomorrow. It's been like that since I was a teenager.

"When I get a little older I'll do this and that. "

Now I'm 34 years old and I still live for tomorrow.

And then I regret that I didn't do it when I was 20 years old.

It can't go on like this. Who can help me?

Well, wise seniors, who have lived and are living with experience.

Maybe they can tell me how to live and help me along the way.

Many people say... When towards the end of life one says...

"Was this life?" It just flew me by.

And...

I don't know if ... I don't think that way.

You have to live life. Not sit in some corner, afraid of it.

The meaning of life must be to die content.

That you work to make sure you die reasonably happy with your life.

-We can hug then, right? Why?

I say "Hey, Lars" and we hug.

-Goddammit, so good to see you. It's not the same!

It was so fast! Like that - and then out!

Here's what I can do. Good to see you.

-So next time: Nice to see you. That's enough. It's just as fun.

-You have such beautiful hair, my friend. Thank you. I've had issues over it.

How come? It never stays ... It's ugly.

Nooo! You are handsome and you know it.

-Do you miss your old job? -Well, I don't want to pick up where i left off.