Bad Romance / Boysitter/ Mó Nǚ Qiǎng Tóu Hūn (魔女搶頭婚)

Amitabha buddha. Virgin Mary, Jesus Christ. The Earthen Gods!

Please, please! Gods from all corners of the earth, come save me!

Amitabha buddha. Virgin Mary, Jesus Christ. The Earthen Gods!

Please don't crash! I don't want to die!

Amitabha buddha, Jesus Christ... Do you hear me?

Please, save me!

Please, protect me! Don't let the plane crash. - Miss...

I'm sorry to have bothered you. Here is the warm water you asked for.

Thank you.

Can you give me some warm milk instead? Warm milk helps me sleep better.

I'm a little nervous. I'm sorry!

Can you? Thanks.

You better bring some sleeping pills too.

Okay, miss. I'll get you a warm cup of milk instead. - Thank you.

Wait, miss. Wait! I forgot to tell you, I have

claustrophobia and some of its side effects, plus a little bit of acrophobia.

So please, I really need people to be concerned and take care of me.

I see. Then I'll try to come and check on you more often.

Excuse me, sir, but please take care of your fellow passenger as well.

Yes! As long as he takes care of me, I should be fine! Thank you!

Wait.

If I take care of this lady, then what do I get in return?

This. Thank you.

Leave it to me.

Miss...

You can just call me Jie Jie. - Jie Jie, (Jie Jie means older sister, and is a more familiar form of address)

From your attire and manner of speech,

as well as your overall aura, you totally seem like a Business Class passenger.

It must be because your assistant made a mistake and didn't get a seat for you,

forcing you to be sitting here, so uncomfortably.

How can you be so smart?

Actually I did book a Business Class seat.

Even though it's more crowded and tight here,

but it has a more welcoming feel,

especially with passengers as special as you. What I like the most is...

What?

You... you didn't finish talking. What do you like?

Long, slender legs. S curves.

Even when wearing sunglasses, she can't hide her radiance.

What? What is it?

I'm going back to the Business Class.

Sir, Economy Class passengers can't enter the Business Class cabin.

Smile.

Sir, is something the matter?

Please

In that case, don't disturb the Business Class passengers.

Sir, I'm sorry, but we are experiencing turbulence. Please return to your seat.

Wait, hold on! No, I... - I'm sorry, please return to your seat.

Jian Ren Ge!

Xiao En?

Jian Ren Ge, are you looking for someone? (Ge = older brother)

No.

Why are you here?

My friend lives in Taoyuan. (The airport is in Taoyuan)

I went over to her house for a date, and noticed that your flight is about this time, so I eagerly came to pick you up.

Is that okay?

It's fine. Except...

I already have an engagement.

Before, you said you were looking for your Mei Mei, and now you have a sweet assistant to pick you up. (Mei Mei = little sister)

Am I being duped? - The girl wearing sunglasses over there,

looks a lot like my Mei Mei who ran away. She's been missing for six years,

and mom and dad have been looking so hard for them that their hair turned white. I have to go check if that's her,

or else I'll never forgive myself for the rest of my life!

Please just let me go this time. I'll treat to to a meal later.

Please.

She's just the assistant in my department. Don't misunderstand us.

Just a Mei Mei.

Xiao En, your eagerness helped me a great deal. Can you take my luggage home?

Okay. - Thanks.

Let's go.

What should we eat later?

How about beef steak?

I'm not actually "eager."

Subtitles brought to you by The Super Nanny Team @ Viki

Jian Ren Ge, if you're not used to the food abroad, remember to use this.

Zhen understands. (Zhen is what the Emperor calls himself. Similar to the royal We.)

Don't be too busy that you forget to take care of your own body.

You think Zhen will die at any moment?

Rose scented bath salts. Smells pretty nice. Jian Ren Ge, try it out.

Do you take me for a little girl? Give me something more manly!

Your living room is clean and shiny! Your luggage, squeaky clean!

The refrigerator is stocked full of food!

Your dirty clothes are washed and hung up!

Capable assistant, Ding Xiao En!

I'm sorry, let me return a call.

Okay.

Capable assistant, thank you.

Remember to give me the bill for everything you've bought.

Also, quickly go reserve a spot at your favorite Italian restaurant.

I'll treat you.

You seem to be very popular.

First it's your Mei Mei, next it's your considerate assistant.

You're jealous this soon? This isn't good for a relationship progression.

Please. Stop dreaming.

I would never be serious with someone who flirts with a stewardess.

Besides, I was just tired from the flight and wanted to relax.

Also, thanks for helping me today.

Then I'm sure that tonight, we'd work very well together.

In all these six years,

you're the first person to see me naked.

There aren't many people who see me naked either. There's only my husband.

And the gynecologist.

Ah, and my mother-in-law!

Your mother-in-law?

Yes. She has to give me physical check ups. She keeps thinking that my butt isn't big enough.

How big does my butt have to be? Does a big butt guarantee that I can give birth?

Zhang Mama is really getting more and more creepy just because she's so eager to have a grandchild.

So true. For the past six years, who knows my heart?

It's so hard! Yuan Fei,

why did you have to just disappear and leave me for six years?

Thank goodness you're back! I really missed you!

Alright, what are you crying about?

Of course I have to cry! Obviously, we were classmates,

and obviously the same six years have passed. Why don't you look older,

but I look like a yellow skinned hag?

Didn't I come bring you to a spa the moment I got off the plane?

What good does getting a spa do? What I need is the moisturizer of love.

Hey,

if you want to cheat, don't ever tell me.

In any case, your husband is still my friend. I don't want to be caught between you two.

You want to die? Who would want a housewife old hag like me? Do you think I have a chance to cheat?

If it weren't for Hao Jian Ren that bastard, he...

What's the matter with Hao Jian Ren?

Is it okay if I talk about him?

Didn't you talk about him in your emails enough already?

That's true. Then you should know! Hao Jian Ren has been a playboy all these six years!

But every year, on Valentine's Day, he refuses to let our Wen Hua go. There's clearly 365 days in a year,

and he has women by his side for 364 days. Why does he have to fight for my husband with me on Valentine's Day?

I thought it was some big headlines. I'm sick of listening to this crap.

Email can't express my fury and anger. Of course I have to tell you in person to express my rage!

Alright, housewife. Calm down, okay?

That dead playboy. Every Valentine's Day, he goes to L'Attente and drinks until he's knocked out.

People who don't know him better would assume that

he was so bitter and hurt. I say, he brought it upon himself.

L'Attente?

L'attente, waiting for.

A small bar that has many urban myths.

You still want to drink?

The place we need to go now ought to have romantic music,

beautiful lights,

and most importantly, a really big bed.

If you want to continue to drink, then we can...

I am never serious towards hook-up passengers. Never, Okay?

There is no need for you to continue to drink. -Hey, wait a moment.

Why didn't you ask me what kind of urban myths?

What kind of urban myths?

From what I heard, the owner of this bar never speaks,

because he made a wish. He has to wait for his woman to return to his side before he talks.

Just like that, he waited for six hundred years.

Six hundred years?!

Isn't that like waiting until he turned into a century-old witch? -Exactly.

Because he became a witch,

for every couple's first time entering the bar, he is able to tell...

whether they have a future.

Baby...

Does it hurt? Let me help you rub it.

It doesn't hurt anymore. - It doesn't hurt anymore.

Baby, you say it or should I?

Together... - Asking the witch, no...

One... two... three -the boss for his secret code that signals the success of their relationship is...

Boss, we want one serving of chocolate cake.

If the couple has a future, the boss would serve them a pink wine called "Magic Love Potion".

Magic Love Potion

If they have no future, then he would only serve chocolate cake.

Baby, our love will last forever.

You are my goddess. Baby...Baby.

You are the conman in this relationship.

Every couple that received chocolate cake...

will always end with a break up scene.

You and I are not destined to be together, so stop refusing to let me go.

I won't believe it! - They returned, unsuccessful, because before his own love returns,

he would not bless any relationships.

So that pink wine, is only a myth to mess with couples.

Not at all. He really does have it.

Yuan Fei, listen to me.

Don't be mad anymore.

Don't be mad anymore. - Don't touch me.

The eagle I made, it is really cute right?

Boss, we haven't ordered yet.

Magic Love Potion.

Happy Valentine Days. - Happy Valentine Days.

That is the only time he brought out a pair of Magic Love Potion.

Because the truth is, real couples...

will be torn apart because of that cup of Magic Love Potion.

What nonsense is this?

Then...

do you want to go in and give it a shot?

Lame myth, no interest.

Hey, wait one moment. Did you really think it was real?

Magic Love Potion...

I really reminisce this.

However, Boss...

your Potion doesn't work at all.