Mr & Mrs Murder

Your mama know you're out?

What are you doing here?

You check in with me, remember?

Consider me checked in.

Oy!

What on earth do you think you're doing?

We're the cleaners.

Yeah, I'm Charlie Buchanan.

This is my wife, Nicola. - Hello.

- There is a trade entrance at the rear of the hotel.

Yeah yeah I know, we went round the back

but it's blocked off by crates and lobsters

and we can't get our gear through.

We're told it's urgent.

Oh, it is, it is.

Swipe card room 2012.

We've closed off the entire floor.

We need you in and out as quickly as possible

and through the back way, please.

I will deal with the lobsters.

Right.

I bet the police don't have to contend with lobsters.

I bet your friend Detective Constable what's his name

gets to use the main entrance.

Peter's a full detective now.

You know why, don't you?

It's 'cause you solved

that man in the water tower case for him

and the one where the lady got her face eaten off

by bugs in the museum heist--

You solved those cases too, sweetie.

- Yeah and he gets a promotion, we get to use the service entrance.

Well, he's in a position

to throw a lot of work our way now,

so you know, be nice to him.

He's a full detective, is he?

Mmhmm.

- He'll be lounging around telling us what to do.

It'll be hard to be nice to him.

- I know Peter, he's not gonna try and lord it over us.

- Marty O'Connor was traveling with his business manager,

Pat McVay.

She looked after his public speaking tours,

books, positivity seminars.

Business manager,

snow falls and he makes a career out of it, it's amazing.

I found his stuff very life affirming.

Have you read "Like Whale White Out"?

No, no, I missed that one.

I have the audiobook.

I'll lend it to you if you want.

- And how's the business manager taking it?

- She's been too distraught to talk to us as yet

but she's staying next door.

Did she find the body?

No, no, she was in the bar.

She has a tight alibi.

The hooker by the name of, (snapping),

Fredrika found the body.

O'Connor used hookers?

Can we not say hookers?

It's a very, very unpleasant word.

Sorry sweetie.

No, it's not you darling.

- O'Connor and McVay, had these adjoining rooms booked

but when they checked in, someone else was in here.

The hotel had to swap them at the last minute.

Fredrika claims that she was here for one of her regulars

who was usually in this room.

So who's the regular?

- One of those delegates for the think tank thing?

Escort?

That's much nicer.

Mistaken identity perhaps?

Sorry to rain on your parade

but at this stage, it's looking like a botched robbery.

Room service guy was sprung in the act

and things turned nasty.

Jezebel?

That's lovely, that's lyrical.

So you've made an arrest already?

- Oh we're talking to him, he's denying everything.

That only gets you so far when you're caught

with a bloody knife in your hand.

He reckons he was struck on the head,

lawyer says he's confused.

Ms. McVay?

Who are you?

I'm detective Peter Vinetti.

Vinetti, you wanted to see me?

Yes, yes, yes I did.

Shall we go next door?

- I'd prefer to go somewhere where there's some fresh air.

Mmhmm.

- Paramour, concubine are more your mistresses really.

- Mmhmm. - I prefer courtesan.

Or if pressed, harlot.

I think that's a little bit harsh.

Something lighter like floozie, that's nice

and you can still be a nice person.

Hang on--

- You can't fire me for something I didn't do!

Subject of a murder investigation!

- I'm the best person in room service you have!

I'm sorry, I--

- What, I'm calling security. - Go on then, go!

Call security, do it!

What is that, no you can't take that--

- No, no, no-- - You can't take that please!

- No it's hazardous material-- - No, no--

- And it needs to be disposed of properly. - But it's got evidence on it,

it's got stuff that can clear me,

please, please? - The police have

all the forensic material, we're just the cleaners.

Truly.

Are you all right?

(huffing) He sacked me!

I was employee of the month and he sacked me.

I didn't do it, I mean, why would I come back here if I did?

I didn't do it, all right?

I didn't kill him. - Well,

you're innocent until you're proven guilty.

Yeah, I wish.

You're doing that face.

What face, the supermodel one?

No, no, the Harriet the Spy one.

- Oh, he didn't do it Charlie, you saw him,

he was so shaken, he was devastated.

And he turned up for his shift.

It's wrong place, wrong time.

Wrong bloody knife in his hand?

Yeah, I admit that looks bad.

Looks can be deceiving.

Do the supermodel face.

- Oh-- - Go on.

Go on.

Oh!

Who'd want to kill Marty O'Connor?

Guy's a national hero.

Well he's New Zealand's national hero.

- All those kids who went out in the avalanche?

Do you remember that footage

with the hand coming out of the snow?

Such a survivor. - I know.

I read one of the books he wrote about it.

Well when you think about all the ways

that he could've died on that mountain,

all the ways he almost died on the mountain,

bet he'd never thought he'd end up in a luxury hotel suite.

I bet whomever killed O'Connor had one of these.

- Probably knew how to use it too.

- Oh these things are programmed not to work the first time.

Or the second time.

May I?

Make a lousy murderer. - I resent that.

It's all a question of exact timing

and interface pressure.

Who are you?

We're the cleaners,

I'm Nicola and this is my husband Charlie.

They're outsourcing this?

- Well it's a crime scene, so they need professionals.

- Oh not that you're not a professional I'm sure,

it's just this is, this is what we do.

Just don't forget the taps.

Guests always complain about the taps.

Okay.

- No I wasn't the only one up on that mountain that day,

I wasn't the special one or the brave one.

You know, I was simply the one who knew

we would get down that mountain alive.

I didn't make apologies for wanting to live.

And you shouldn't either.

After that experience, I decided to form,

Survive Your Life Enterprise and just help people

get down off that mountain, alive.

Getting self help advice from somebody

has always struck me as being a contradiction in terms.

I think we need to find out more

about whoever was in this room before O'Connor.

Maybe they were the real target.

Yeah.

Do you wanna go downstairs

and sweet talk the hotel manager?

- I'd rather scale the bloodstain on that carpet.

Right, ready this time.

Ha ha ha!

You see, 'cause scissors cut up rock.

- I didn't know that. - Mmhmm.

You're very good at this game.

Oops.

Sorry.

That was fun, we should do the Madison.

No, I just wanna go upstairs.

Yeah, good idea.

Ah, John, we're almost done. - Oh excellent.